Success!
In a last ditch effort as I was playing EVE Online (best mmo ever) I began writing emails via the forms listed in both asurion and verizon's websites (asurion had two options, one for the ceo, and one for customer service...did both)
In the body of the messages I listed both this thread, and a larger one over on
TribalWar.Com: Gaming News Motorola Droid fell in the tiolet, Asurion wants to give me the Desire, should I? by haniblecter - TribalWar Forums and indicated that those dozens of people felt I got ripped also.
Not 2 hours later I get a phone call (on the gf's Eris) from a Tiffanini. I could tell she's from their HQ in TN because of her accent. She was very helpful and articulate, empathized with my situation and stated that while they don't have any in their stocks, and Moto is no longer making any, they'd be more than happy to reimburse me for the purchase of a NEW Droid at a local Verizon store!
She apologized profusely and indicated that Droids have been hard to keep in stock/available for claims because of how fast new models are turning over.
Anywho, off to my local Verizon store!