Angie - remove the codec change on both phones or enable it on both - but I ma in a private forum (invite only, sorry) at the Motorola forums dealing with this very issue, and one of the testers has seen that the problem gets noticeably worse for unrooted / non-overclocked phones is both voice privacy and the EvDo rev. B codec are in use.
Check both of those and see if they may be contributing to the problem - you may not get it perfect, but at least it may help diminish the problem enough to where you can have a decent conversation between the two of you.
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