1) dont think it shouldn't get warm at all, IMO. My phone doesnt get warm when playing with it. If I'm on the phone, okay, it might be warm but from normal use, my phone stays cool all the time.
2) when any updates are released, you can go to the software updates in the menu and check for updates.
3) i would say you have a defective phone. go back to the store or call AT&T for this issue and the heat issue as well. Both is not normal, IMO.