This is going to be really hard, ignore it if you want to continue with what you are doing.
Just read what you are saying.
Originally Posted by shawn1224
I work from sun up to sun down so itís hard for me to spend enough quality time with him...My wife is nearly in tears because we expect so much more from him...Heís normally a soft spoken, well mannered kid...my first instinct is to lay into him with the belt...We have no family issues at home...my kids never want for anything...Iím wondering if itís just sheer laziness
I do not need to be a parent to read what you just wrote, did you actually read it? Really?
Let us try to understand.
1.) Lets focus on this "no family issues"
. Really? Your wife is nearly in tears, you work from sun up to sun down, and your kid is falling 5th grade and you have no family issues. Your "first instinct is to lay into him with the belt
". You have no family issues, your wife is nearly in tears, you work from sun up to sun down, your kind is failing 5th grade and your first instincts is to take the belt to him? Really? Are you looking to solve the problem or place blame, because your whole conversation has been about how your child has done this to you, and not have you done this to your child. If you are willing to beat your child, for failing a grade, did you toilet train him at gun point? I am not trying to be mean here, but really look at what you are saying.
2.) "We expect so much more from him
," what exactly did you expect from a 10 year old child? Maybe the child expected you to be home more, maybe the child actually needs to "want for
" something. You write it down like the child is a guy that owes you something, like your car repairman. You paid him x dollars now he owes you are fixed car. You can not expect anything from a child, because they are CHILDREN. Not to be mean, but it seems like you did not live up to the expectations of your child, so your child declared your contract him now-in-void.
3.) Blame, why do you have to blame someone? Why is it.."Iím wondering if itís just sheer laziness
". Why is it not, I am a horrible parent, bulling at school, or adhd. It could be anything from the fact your first instinct is to beat your child, to mental disorder, to needing glasses, to bullying, to bad teacher, to bad parents, anything. A lot like parent that believe the child is always innocent, you seem to want to blame the child.
4.) The most disturbing part of your post. "My kids never want for anything
". Really? So you just give them everything they want with out punishments or rewards. I have never met one person that did not want for anything turning out to be a decent person. They are always feel they entitled to something. If they do not get what they want, they try to punish the parents. If you feel your kids never want for anything, then you need to understand your kids better or start making them earn want the want for. When I was growing up, I wanted a lot of stuff, but the only things I ever got was the things I was willing to earn. Nothing in this world is free, if you hand it over to him freely, you are robbing him of chance to understand how the real world works. Nothing was never handed to me. You child has everything handed to him, why in the world are not handing him good grades?
If you bothered to read what I just posted, you will see that you can not expect anything from your child, he is what he is. I do not understand how a child can do any home work, with out the parent reviewing it before turning it in. I do not understand how is it so hard for you to spend 5 minutes making sure you child is doing good in every class, every day. It seems like you believe parenting is sitting back and letting the child rule what it does.
I have two questions.
When was the last time you called your child's teacher?
When was the last time you told your child no? Remember you just told us, my kids never want for anything
My mother worked 16 hours a day, by herself, to provide for her children. She made sure to call the teacher once a week, to check up on us. She would check every inch of our homework, even if she did not understand it. Provided us with what we need, not what we wanted.
To fix your problem. You are both sparing the rod and spoiling the child.
Call your kids teacher/s. Tell them that you need a list of homework to be sent home every day with the child, from her/him to you, if possible once a week. Also have the assessments emailed to you, so you can keep ahead of your son. Have every test, every piece of homework, and every grade marked, check from her/him to you. Talk to the teachers at your school, find if you child is being bullied. Start focusing on understanding the problem, not blaming.