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Old November 19th, 2010, 01:18 PM   #43 (permalink)
byteware
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverOfIce View Post
Yea, but I was a kid once. People think that THEIR child is soo different they only THEY know what is going on.
It isn't about the child being different. It's about the understanding being different from when you're a child and when you're a parent.

When your parents tell you "Wait until you have kids", it's an honest statement that you have a completely different understanding of how things work in a family when you are a parent yourself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverOfIce View Post
I was simply pointing out that there was a disconnect between the real world and the world he was telling us about.
See, again. There is no disconnect between the world he spoke of and the real world. As you raise a child, you will better understand this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverOfIce View Post
We got a story about how he tried everything for his family. But when really read what he wrote, we have to see a few inescapable facts. ALL kids have problems in school. All families have issues. Everyone tries hard to make their child the best. But you know something, that is just a fallacy. When we remove all the blame out of the post. When we remove the shell game, passing the buck, and disillusionment of the fairy tell story, we end up with one concrete problem. The only three people and 1 child that can make a decisions about that child's future are not talking to each other on a regular basis.
Only 2 people can make decisions about THAT child's future. Two not three. They are talking to each other on a regular basis.

And here is what you need to understand as a parent: Children earn a certain level of trust. A child with a history of turning in their homework and making straight A's has earned the trust that you don't stand over them making sure they dot their i's and cross their t's.

Being knee deep in their education is a waste of time if it's unnecessary, and for some kids it is unnecessary.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverOfIce View Post
If there is no physical or mental reason for the child behavior. Then he simply slip through the parenting/teacher crack.
It's THAT simple huh? Another thing you'll learn about kids from being a parent... it's never THAT simple. There are physical reasons, mental reasons, social reasons and a host of other reasons that could cause problems in school.

Developing a mental or physical issue in the 5th grade is highly unlikely. However, there are a host of other issues that can appear at a moment's notice that are completely UNrelated to the teacher/parent issue.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverOfIce View Post
The only 4 people that can fix this problem is the the two parents, the teacher, and the child. Don't let him play the middle. Meet and talk to the teachers on a regular basis.
First reasonable thing you've said.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverOfIce View Post
They will be floored if you do, my sister is a teacher, out of her 90 some students a year, she only get a phone call from a parent like 3 times a year, usually to blame her for the child failing the class. No parent in her 6 years of teaching has ever called her to make sure the child is doing ok. None.
And personally, aside from the occasional parent/teacher meeting, she shouldn't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverOfIce View Post
Being a parent means you have to be actively engaged in the child life.
That's what it means huh? Honestly, that is but ONE part of being a parent (something I expect you'll learn when your time comes).

Being a parent ALSO means teaching your child to fend for themselves whenever possible. It ALSO means giving them independence to do things on their own (like school) when they've earned your trust that they will do it. Being a parent means a lot of things... and many of them conflict with each other. Being involved conflicts with giving them independence. Sometimes you give them more than they are ready for, and have to pull back.

Parenting is ALOT more complicated than you understand.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverOfIce View Post
Barring bullying, mental, or physical problem, I just say the kid found the quickest relief wins, the parent let that be a option.
Forget about all the other possibilities... right? It could be as simple as he's being distracted by a girl. It could be as complicated as he witnessed something in regards to a friend that is REALLY bothering him, or has been sexually molested by another student (unlikely, but unfortunately possible).

The myriad of things that could be effecting him and his school work are so vast that they could not all be listed here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverOfIce View Post
If you want to be angry at me, fine do so.
I don't think anyone's angry with you. All parents were at one time not-parents, and were at one time kids ourselves. We understand the simplistic way that people who haven't had to raise children view raising children.

I do find it extremely amusing though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverOfIce View Post
But talk to the teacher on a weekly basis and let the child know he is in trouble until he pulls the grades. You may have to get a tutor until he catches up.
The child knows the material, so I don't think a tutor is going to help. I do think that contact with the teacher on a "daily" basis would be appropriate.
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