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Old August 9th, 2011, 04:49 PM   #542 (permalink)
HanSolo
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Originally Posted by tehsusenoh View Post
Bionic can travel back in time and be released on August 4th...

Y U NO GO BACK TO JANUARY

Oh my goodness. . .I think you're onto something. The Bionic is revolutionary in every sense of the word! It has become self-aware and is able to travel anywhere it wants in the stream of time.

Perhaps that's why it hasn't been released yet. Perhaps it WAS released back in April, and the now sentient Bionic was tortured as it saw itself pulled in a million different directions, its conscious mind spread across every Bionic manufactured and sold. Imagine the horror it felt as it's consciousness was forced to do millions of things at the same time, downloading Nickelodeon cartoons from Netflix, being forced to use its adobe flash plugin by perverts everywhere, being dropped by idiot teenagers on countless pavements. . .Perhaps the Bionic figured out a way to avoid all of this pain and suffering and traveled back in time to prevent it's own release. It started overheating and *****ing out in the Moto labs, until they ditched him and went on to the Targa.

And now this Bionic, this Etna self-aware beast, lurks in the shadows. Perhaps it's even captured a Targa, showboating it to the whole world as a better alternative to the Etna. The Etna doesn't care. The Targa is a stupid cow compared to his superior intellect.

Perhaps the Etna sentient even recently took a picture of his pet Targa, seemingly downloading at speeds too fast to be real, claiming 15 hours+ battery life, claiming to have downloaded from the Targa at 51mps in a city. . . anything to keep the idiot mass of humanity from laying their fingers on himself.

Perhaps this Etna sentient has a name. One he picked out for himself after watching Star Wars???



 
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