ok i have played around with tablet talk a little more and have come to the conclusion that it is rubbish.
i still cannot get it to connect over wifi at all, the two wont even find each other. have set up static IPs at home for everything but it keeps telling me my IP has changed since it last connected even though i have never connected before.
i got it to connect through bluetooth, but i had to unpair my phone and tablet. then it gave me about 5 different pair requests each of which were with non-matching codes so i had to disconnect and try again, eventually it worked and they paired.
so i set the phone to disable notifications when connected, and set up notifications on the tablet. i also set it up to auto start when i turn on bluetooth.
i sent a text to my own phone, the phone used it's standard notification, the tablet gave no notification, but when you go to tablet talk the text was there and showing as read. fail number one.
i then turned off bluetooth on both devices and back on again. but the two didnt connect, i instead got another batch of incorrect pairing codes, despite the fact that the two show as paired already.
i have now uninstalled tablet talk.. if i have to enter a load of pairing request crap everytime then it is not worth the hassle. a waste of £1.40 or whatever it was though.