Too much stress? (Long story)
Lately (About 2 weeks) I have been feeling a bit down. As soon as my semester ended on the 21st, I began to have multiple "panic/anxiety attacks" daily (I put that in quotes because that's the closest thing I can compare them to). During these attacks, I would have rapid, horrible, and scary thoughts come into my head and they would not go away, they just keep feeding themselves. I also felt emotionally sensitive and extremely lethargic during this first week, I also went to the ER for the first time in my life and and 2 more times on the same day a week after my first ER trip. I also got a cold over that first weekend.
The first time I went because I woke up to my dad snoring pretty loud and I it was kind of agitating and that's when I starting thinking horrible thoughts...I tried to block them out but they kept coming back. So I laid up on the futon I was sleeping and tried to calm myself down but I couldn't because of the snoring. I then got up and walked to the bathroom and sat on the toilet but this time I noticed I was shaking uncontrollably like I was having a seizure but I was conscious. I couldn't stop so I woke up my parents and that's when I went to the ER. I told them I thought that I had a panic/anxiety and they just took an EKG, which was fine, and gave me some meds which I later found out were only antihistamines. I guess there was a placebo effect because it was easier to sleep after that.
Fast forward to the second time I went, I woke up to my dad's loud snoring again and I started to shake again like I was cold but I wasn't. Then the shaking started to become extremely violent to the point that I had a hard time breathing, boom ER again, same thing but this time no meds. Went back home and got a few hours of sleep before we decided to go to a separate place where hopefully they could diagnose me. So I go in and the doctor sees me, I tell him about my attacks and that I had a lot violent thoughts during them. He tells me and my parents to go see a psychiatrist at a hospital so we go do that, ER trip # 3. Keep in mind that there is a lot of waiting going on and that doesn't help with my "attacks." They take my blood and a urine sample.
Finally after about 5-6 hours of waiting in a small room I get to see the psychiatrist. She was very nice and spoke in a way that really made me feel better. W start to have a pleasant conversation about everything in my life, I told her about the 4 times I got high (got super paranoid once and swore it off), the one time I tried LSD (never again, wasn't a bad trip but very overwhelming), the semester I used adderall, and how I barely went out the last semester because I had to get my grades up for my scholarship. I told her how I felt like it was all riding on my performance and she said that it could have been the cause of these attacks. Throughout this conversation I did not have any feelings of anxiety or depression, but I did feel a tear coming out but I held it in...She then had a talk with my mom in another room, probably about the scholarship. She came back to me and said that she would have her supervisor see me as well...and because he had to clear me before I could leave lol.
Another hour and a half goes by and they both come into my room. The supervisor was a nice guy and very down to earth. He tells me that he doesn't usually see 19 year olds, such as myself, go to the ER once, let alone 3 times for these kinds things. He then reiterates what I have told other psychiatrist and what she told me, that these attacks were probably because of stress. He then told me he would prescribe me 1mg Ativan/Lorazepam for these attacks and said I would feel a relaxing effect. I tried one in the hospital and it did, in fact, relax me...but it also made me feel very sleepy. He also said to see a therapist to see what was the problem and if I should be treated with antidepressants. I received the prescription and signed the discharge papers and we went back home. I took a quick shower and went straight to bed.
The next day I felt about 90%-95% "me." I texted my friend to go see a movie (this would be the first time I went out with a friend since the 21st.) and he said he's down to go and he'll pick me up around 8pm. Around 6pm I took half a pill of Ativan, .5mgs, just in case I had an attack while I was outside. I didn't feel any effect until about an hour after I took it. The time now is 7pm and it was weird because I still felt some anxiety even though the meds kicked in. It's now 8pm and my friend comes by to pick me up. I get in the car and within a few seconds I feel what seems like an attack coming on and I felt a little anxiety and nausea. I was thinking, "WTF? Isn't this drug supposed to PREVENT these things?" Throughout the car ride these feelings increased and decreased in intensity until we got to the move theater.
The feelings subside as we walk to the booth, get our tickets, and sit in the seats. While the previews are on and people are coming in, I feel the same things as I did in the car but the nausea made me feel like I was about to throw up. They subsided a little when the movie started and increased and decreased in intensity as the movie went on. This continued for about an hour and after I felt fine. The movie ended and the car ride home was thankfully, uneventful...no feelings of anxiety or nausea. I get home and take a shower and head to bed.
Today I felt fine up until around 3pm when I felt extreme boredom and like I was drained of energy. I still don't feel 100% and this headache from the cold(?) is pretty annoying. Overall these past few days have sucked...
Thanks if you read the whole story though, I just felt like I had to say something.