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Old February 5th, 2013, 12:42 PM   #46 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Speed Daemon View Post
My mom has been downright compulsive about getting exercise, and is still religious about doing her PT. She took a fall six weeks ago, and despite a broken toe and lots of bruising, the most she missed was 4 Sunday church services and a retirement party in the city. And most of that was weather related!
Good for her. That's how it should be for people our parents' age these days, you know? For almost two years I've been pointing out to my mom folks, like Betty White and Bob Barker, who are her age or older and are *BUSY* working their asses off. And every time I see or read about someone who's 100+ and still working or going to the gym, I tell her about them. It's like, look, if they can do THAT, surely you can do your bleeping exercises!

My worst fear about her is that she's in such good physical shape that her brain may go long before her body does. If and when that happens, I doubt that I'll have any financial power to execute her wishes. The bankers who took advantage of her the last time will no doubt force me out again.
I understand probably not wanting to go into detail here, so don't, but I just want to say that you REALLY need to look into all this stuff now, before something happens. I have no idea how you were pushed out, or how bankers took advantage of her, but there MIGHT be recourse if you have time to get it done. I haven't gone into here at all but we had something really bad happen--my sister and her husband defrauded my mom out of her house--but we found out (it's a LONG, complicated story, which I'll skip!) and were able to reverse it before it became irrevocable. (Side note: My mom SHOULD have had them prosecuted for fraud, as I don't think $1 million worth of fraud is anything to sneeze at, but she chose not to. They're allowed no contact with her and I had them on the hospital's security list when Mom was there.)

You did well to get financial power of attorney!
Yeah, like I said, I'd been sitting on that for two years and only just filed the papers with Mom's banks last week, but only because they were already in the car with me. I just never wanted to take that step.

After reading your story, I felt the need to ask my mom some questions today about what happens if she's no longer able to function in assisted living. And as usual, she put me off. Frustrating!
You NEED to persist until you get some answers out of her. I can't stress strongly enough how things can change from one moment to the next, and how once you're in a crisis it's too late to figure all this stuff out. Try sitting down with her and starting off with something like, "Mom, I know this is difficult and perhaps uncomfortable for you to talk about, but..."

I have durable medical power of attorney, but when she had her breakdown I discovered the hard way that it's useless if someone else decides to take charge.
Would you feel comfortable explaining what happened?

I hope you never have to face anything like that! But it's a good idea to have a lawyer on retainer before it can become a problem.
Our estate attorney is one of the best in SoCal, and very highly respected. We don't actually have him on retainer, but any time we need anything he's just a phone call away. He's even come to the house a few times.

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