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Old February 18th, 2013, 08:27 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by A.Nonymous View Post
So I'm trying to refrain from being that guy who pours his troubles out on the Interwebs, but I feel like I need to vent more than anything.
It's okay. I do it, too. My mom's dying and I'm not coping with it very well, and I find writing about it helpful.

1. A good friend of mine got tossed out of her house by her stepdad. She's 18 and came home one day to find herself locked out. She's a good kid who has never caused problems for anyone. Her dad on the other hand is kind of psycho. Literally kicked her out in the cold with nothing more than the clothes on her back.
Since he's nuts, it's probably good that she's out of the house, but definitely NOT good that she was thrown out with nothing, and with nowhere to go. She should be able to have the police escort her to the house [to 'keep the peace'] while she retrieves her belongings.

2. Another good friend of mine who's 20 called her parents Friday night to let them know that she is moving in with a guy that no one has ever met and also that she's severing all ties with them and with her friends. Neither her parents, nor any of her friends have met this guy or know anything about him and she's severing all ties with us and moving in w/him. Needless to say her parents and her siblings are extremely broken up.
Sounds like a classic case of hooking up with someone who's VERY controlling, probably a bit of a whack job, very possessive, and has convinced her that she doesn't need anyone but him. Keep trying to contact her; at some point she may allow you back in.

3. I found out that my parents are broke. This kills me. They are borrowing on a home equity loan and from their 401k every month just to make ends meet. Their home and cars are all paid for. At the end of the day it's because my dad is misbehaving with money and won't stop. This has been going on for nearly two years now and they've been spiralling downward slowly until they're where they are now. My mom wants to sell their paid for house, but my dad really doesn't want to. I don't think it will fix the problem anyway since it's a behavioral problem at the end of the day. My mom is completely freaked out. My pastor is trying to help them out advice wise and counseling them on how to fix the behavioral problem that is at the root of everything, but my dad doesn't want to listen. He is stubborn (that's where I get it from) and seems to think he's right.
Wow. That's awful.

No idea how to fix my parents either.
You can't. THEY'RE the only ones who can 'fix' themselves, and only if they want to be fixed. You can encourage them to get help, but they have to want it--and admit they need it--before anything will improve.

I'm in a position to actually support them if I had to, but any money I give to them right now I think just enables my dad instead of helping him. It sucks though. I feel so helpless.
Whatever you do, don't give them actual MONEY. In other words, if they say they need help paying the electric bill, pay the power company yourself, don't give your parents the money to pay the bill. If they say they need groceries, go with them to the store, or buy the groceries yourself. And so on. This way there's no chance that whatever your dad's problem is will be fed by your money.

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