Well.
Having just got back from CPW, the story is:
1) The CPW computer says 'no' - their systems don't recognise the phone, hence nothing can be done to it in-store by the engineer, even though there's technically nothing wrong with it.
2) They CAN do something - send it back to Samsung - but that'll take 28 days. Presumably, they're sending it to Samsung on Mars.
3) Tried the O2 shop - much the same story. A firmware flash will take them upto 3 weeks to accomplish.
A minimum of 3 weeks to flash firmware on a working pone, a task that would take approximately 25 mins if the software that came with the phone worked with that phone in the first BLOODY place!
My current plan is to phone up O2 customer service and pester, bother and otherwise abuse them until I get any kind of result. I shall be starting with the approach of "I'm paying a lot of money for a feature phone with features that I can't use for as long as I need to use them, because using the features causes the device to power down too quickly."
Hopefully, I'll be able to convince them that the rumour I alluded to previously is correct, and get them to send out a new, fully-flashed phone to replace my current one.
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