so going to update this.
I went out of town for the 4th and come back to a working phone...I have no idea how to explain it except voodoo lol.
tried one time for the hell of it to boot into recovery and it freaking worked, wiped and restored a sense based rom (ARD) and EVERYTHING worked.
again I have no idea how this worked but it did.
went to flash ParanoidAndroid and everything works as well but had a hard reset and because im terrified of those went straight back to the sense stuff.
should I still go thru the hassle of returning it?