his 10 inch long toenails he had been growing for 7 years in order to gain some kind of recognition and acceptance from his father who happened to own the guiness world record for longest nipple hair. as the large man came to a crashing halt his cat jumped atop his balding head, swiped away the comb-over and sprayed him with its explosive excretion! satisfied, the cat hopped off and walked away leaving the large man, who's name is Cecil, pondering.....
Last edited by highjakker; October 17th, 2011 at 12:29 PM.
"maybe none of this would have ever happened, if I'd only followed my childhood dream of becoming a bathroom attendant in a restaurant"... so Cecil then...
took off running, until he was at the nearest restaurant. He burst into the restaurant and runs to the bathroom then starts welcoming people, before he realizes his is in...
Debt.he need to pay off loan.so he applys for the subatomic hadron collider experiment as a research engineer with his phd in meson muons interactions degree.however...
When he starts the job he realized he was way over qualified to be the first person ejected from the LHC, of course he realized this too late as he was approaching the speed of light and suddenly...
the dried cat poo on his head began to merge molecular level with his body, morphing him into part man part cat poo. when the experiment was over, the researchers were shocked to find....
that the metamorphosis also gave him incredible strength, which Cecil began using destructively. The researches soon learned that the only way to combat him was to fire kitty-litter cannonballs at him. And it worked, until...
he realized that he could eat the cannonballs and it would not affect him so after a few hours of this Cecil weighed 900 lbs and decided it was time to...
wizards and witches. but since he failed wizard school he does not know this secret ingredient so he substituted another ingredient and the result was....
realized the quicksand was only ankle deep and unstuck herself. After she obtained her freedom once again she noticed a disruption within the world thanks to her were-zom-pire abilities that had to do with very small constrictors so she...
Removed the constrictors . Julia now went ahead to stop Forces of Evil .Meanwhile Lozengezo ,Barney the werewolf and the noname chupacabra are involved in high stakes poker game .......
instead he had it won! but since he had that grammatical error he lost and the penalty for losing this high stakes poker game was his head. so the others held him down and chopped off his head and put it on a stake outside to let others know there was now a seat available. while they waited for a new player to step in they....
went down to Old man Johnson's Korner Market, busted open the dusty old pickle jar and took out the head of ANITA THE BEESTIE that had been soaking for years! .. Anyways, they sewed it onto Lozengezo's body! When he came to, and looked into the mirror he said....
SIDE POST: Since Im new to the story, i had to play catchup. This is a compilation (got as far as message #100! NICE story so far! Cant wait to contribute to the continuing episodes):
STORY GAME RECAP! HERE'S YOUR CREATION THUS FAR!
(..A true story initiated by BigB3456 and Forum...)
One day.... not long ago, a tribe of women... Were walking down the highway On their way to a river.
They walked over a small hill only to find.... A group of midgets who were.. enjoying a pig roast. This was not a normal pig though, it was.... a flying pig talks because those types of flying pigs live... In Antarctica with the...snow. Snow always makes pigs talk. After seeing the midgets the group decided to stop looking down on people.
Accompanied by a bright flash and a DeLorian came out of nowhere and the door opened and a kid that looked like a young Michael J Fox came out and said
"what the hell,
oops!" and got back in and drove down the highway and disappeared again and then a big semi came to a screeching hault and a truck driver hopped out with his chimpanzee side-kick. they asked, "Having a good morning, ladies?" and then the truck driver and his monkey pulled out machetes and killed all the ladies except for one, named Victoria, and then they hopped back in their truck and roared off, laughing all the way, and then Victoria said "Is there a doctor in the house ?"
Then suddenly ....there was a flash of light and she was transported suddenly to a large green tent with a doctor and several wounded patients on beds all over the place and she realized that she had traveled back in time to Austria during the tail end of WWII and a doctor jumped when he saw her and asked. . . "are those real?". Victoria was shocked but flattered and said
"of course they're....""...my secret",
She winked and pulled out a....44 Magnum. She waved it in front of...Peter the doctor .
"Any last words",she said."Kamikaze..." And Peter the doctor lunged at her, drawing a rusty medical scalpel as his weapon. They stared into each other's eyes Dragonball Z style. Then Peter said,
"This is not going anywhere .
Lets settle this over a game of Strip Ludo"
And the dice is rolled ...... Of course, Victoria had no clue what Ludo was, so she...... Shot Peter. As he died he said...
"Victoria,.... *gasp*..... I..... am ..... your...... father...."
Victoria was clearly shocked at this brand new 100% fresh plot twist. Peter's dying words continued, "you should know the truth about your origins... go to the --- "Mountain which looks like a mole-hill and contact Mole No. 62 .He is ........."
(Breaks the fourth wall) a total flaming idiot, but he is also. . . "a rodeo clown . Ask him about ......." why he loves to dress up in women's clothing and smear lipstick on his face while he dances in front of his living room window for the passersby, but only on Fridays, and also ask him about. . . .
(srry 9to5cynic )
"The Pyramid of Osiris and Hanging Ghosts of Babloscion "
Victoria " ???????? "
Peter "Just pulling your leg .Ask the dude about the "
And peter Dies .
All Victoria has is one 34 sided dice
She wonders ........... what it does as she rolls it and it lands on #2. Suddenly it disappears and a genie appears in its place.
"Why helllooooooooo, little lady! My how nice it is to be out of that dice! You have 2 wishes, what will the first one be?"
And Victoria says. . . "Banko Tomolo Tripoli Binkoi Tuzumpu " Genie " Beep error "
And suddenly hundreds upon hundreds of fat, ugly moles fall from the sky, their already dead carcasses raining down upon the genie and Victoria. They head for cover into a cave, where they make mad ravenous love. After the mole rain ends, the genie says, "Okay, come on, you have one more wish left. I gotta be somewhere." So Victoria says
Victoria "Once more "
genie "Peter's daughter is crazy as him"
Genie "So long "
Victoria quickly takes a video and uploads it on YouTube.and then........ realizes that there is no youtube because it's WWII (remember, Victoria, you stupid idiot?), and so she leaves her camera behind and walks out of the cave and sees a beautiful house in the distance sitting on top of a huge mountain and so she says "Genie, Genie, come back!" and the genie appears and says "What do you want, I was about to take a dump" and she says "My last wish is to go to that house!" and the Genie says, "Um, well," and so Victoria says "Now!" and so the Genie snaps his fingers and she appears in front of the house and it has a huge sign that says "Eagles Nest" and she remembers from history class that it was Hitler's house in the mountains, and she looks up at a window and sees a little guy with a Hitler 'stache, and she walks up to the front door and. . .
She is teleported to 2011 .She meets Dax Victoria "Who are you ? "Dax " E equals mc squared "and then damn you
She reappears at Eagles Nest and this guy in an SS uniform says "Sie sind schön!" and she says "What?" and he takes out a knife to kill her but suddenly the genie appears and snaps his fingers and the german guy blows up like a big balloon of meat, and then. . .
triinnng "Victoria ,get up and go to school " Suddenly ..... Victoria gets and up goes to school, smiling over how nice and imaginative her dream was and what a pity, a freaking pity, that it was over, and suddenly on her way to the bus stop, a 300 pound man of grotesquely ugly proportions runs into her and says "Hello, there, young lady, what's your name?" and Victoria says "Victoria" and the man says "Nice to meet you, Victoria, my name is Karanpr, but you can call me Kara, like Superman's girl cousin" and then Victoria says. . . LMAO.(I wish I were 300 pound )"I will call you HanTrio as in HanTrio the Cockatoo Thief . "
HanSolo suddenly appears from future 2Pie/three ...... Victoria snaps awake. She looks around, and she is sitting in front of her work desk. The windows xp clock says 11:32 am.
When you can't sleep, thinks Victoria, it is easy to lose yourself in imagination. Everything feels so far away. In steps her boss with .... "Victoria stop playing Achron already !!" Victoria "Silence imbecile ,I am Queen Beezelbub from Cthulu"
Boss "You are fired "
And so.... Victoria walked to the library. Fortunately, this was one of the only libraries in the world to have the book she was looking for: the Necronomicon. Victoria is very aware of it's power. This isn't the first time she's dabbled into the darker powers of the universe. She knows all about the Great Old Ones, the Elder Gods and the Outer Gods. She is not to be trifled with.
---------
*Back at her work*
---------
Gary was just finishing his fourth cup of coffee. He didn't even feel bad about firing that girl, what was her name again?. Didn't matter. He emailed HR and told them to look for a new employee.
*The phone rings....*
"Would you like a credit card ? "
Gary The Boss "NO"
Slams the phone
His mobile rings
"Get a free holiday ?"
Gary "NO "
and so he was hounded everyday and night by annoying phone calls and spam emails .
Victoria laughed far away.
She unleashed the most powerful Dark Magic on Gary
Telemarketers.
Suddenly Steve ...... was hungry. This was weird because Steve had just eaten a Voltron sized meal of ham, turkey, and pizza. Upon realizing exactly what he had eaten, Steve was worried about his sanity. Turkey, Ham, *and* pizza! It was then that Steve heard a knock on his door
*knock knock knock*
Steve ,"who is there "
Stay Tuned for scenes from the next episode of Dragon Ball Z
<Intermission: go pee, scratch, adjust, make out.. etc... >
"banana"
steve, "banana who?"
*knock knock*
steve, "who's there?"
"Answer the door Steve" the knocker said from behind the door "ANSWER IT NOW!"
Steve went to the door after several more knocks and when he opened it he saw a man holding a sword eating a small Ethiopian child who proclaimed with a full mouth "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die" he then drew his sword and droped the partially eaten child... and blood spilled all over steve's hand made welcome mat made out of cat hair from his 20 cats he lived with. this infuriated steve and he withdrew his lightsaber and....
"what the hell !! "
"why isn't it working "
Inigo
"I removed the batteries "
Steve
"How did you do that "
Inigo
"Trade secrets.Prepare to die "
And Steve dies .....
Inigo sheathes his sword .
The marbles are still rolling .....
__________________
Then out of no where a sperm whale falls on ground next to Inigo, a bowl of petunias lands on Inigo's head knocking him out. When he awakes he is in a dark room with three buttons on the wall, one is labeled "Don't Push", another is labeled "Don't Panic" and the third is labeled "Don't Pull". Against his better judgement (possibly because of the head injury) Inigo reaches out and pushes the button labeled... with an old fashioned press stamp which cuts his finger before he can push the button. when the blood drips onto the floor the floor awakens and an huge hole opens up beneath Inigo's feet, dropping him into a pitch black void where he falls and falls for what seems like days....nothing but perpetual falling. flailing around and never knowing when his fall will come to an abrupt end, inigo.... lands on a giant pile of mattressess covered in honey. Inigo think "WTF I feel a pea under these am I a princess?" Just then a bear comes out of nowhere and rears back to attack Inigo but a hunter appears from behind Inigo and shoots... Inigo in his buttocks! inigo screams "WTH MAN?!" and the hunter replies, "sorry, i'm a bit cross-eyed. we'd better run. that bear looks hungry!"
Inigo tries to run but can't do to getting shot in the buttocks, the bear then eats his. The hunter thinks says "that plan worked perfectly now while that bear eats that fool I can finally get out of here after being trapped here for so long".
The hunter runs and runs for hours on end until he finally comes upon a city made entirely styrofoam! he couldn't believe his luck. styrofoam rubbing and squeaking made his skin crawl but he was so exhausted from running that he had to find a place to sleep and rest. reluctantly he approached the outer gates and...was greeted by a man sized, talking styrofoam peanut. The peanut said "How goes it wanderer, my name is Mr. Planters welcome to Pactopia! What is your name?" The hunter trying to ignore the squeaking made with every movement Mr. Planters did replied "My name is Cornholio, I need to rest".
Mr Peanut showed Cornholio to the local inn as he did he explained they are in the middle of a war against the Bubble Wrap Nomads however because it is obvious Cornholio is not a Bubble Wrap Nomad he is welcome in Pactopia. Once Cornholio went to sleep it started to rain... and the sound of raindrops falling on styrofoam was deafening. he could not fall asleep for the sound of rain and every move he made in his styrofoam bed made squeaks which kept him on edge. so, he pulled out his pouch of wacky tobaccy and rolled himself a smoke. he tossed the match behind him and before he knew it, the styrofoam walls started to melt and spread like wildfire! he jumped up to fan the flames and realized... it is raining so that should put out the flames, he just needs to get out of here to avoid responsibility. So he sneaks out the hole in the wall created by the fire only to realize the rain was heavy enough to make the rest of the city float away, the building he was in must have been held down by his weight. So he decides to keep walking to see if he could find perhaps a better place to stay, as he traveled he passed a field full of green, orange, and yellow...pygmy elephants. so he decided to try to ride one since he was very tired of walking. he first tried to climb on a green one but....
it said "Excuse me Sir but what do you think you are doing?" He replied... "i'm gonna ride your porky green a$$ all the way home!" But the little green pygmy elephant bucked and threw the hunter off into a pile of poo and then walked away. next the hunter tried to sit on a yellow pygmy elephant but when he sat down he broke its back and killed it. seeing this the pink pygmy elephant....Came over quickly and said "Hey there big fella, you can ride me all day and all night if you want, come on, climb on me and we can have the time of our lives"
The hunter then... asked "how much?" since this was what he usually said when someone made him that offer. the little pygmy elephant looked at him disgustingly and said.... "I am not that kind of elephant you dirty man you can walk for all I care" the pink pigmy elephant then vanished quickly running into the sunset. The hunter thought to himself how odd it is with everything that has happened, then he looked at his watch and saw it was Thursday, that explains it he thought I have never been good at Thursdays. The hunter then started walking again and came upon a bridge... made entirely out of marshmallows. the marshmallow bridge spanned a hot chocolate river. on the river bank the hunter saw a boat made out of sugar cubes. he thought, "should i walk across this spongey bridge or ride across in that boat made of sugar?" he chose to walk the marshmallow bridge. when he stepped out on it the bridge sagged down under his weight just inches above the steaming river of hot chocolate. the marshmallows began melting and getting gooey from the steam. the hunter.... decided it would be best to run across the bridge before it melted fully. He made it almost all the way across before the bridge melted and he began to fall but landed on... a log floating down the hot chocolate river. he rode this downstream and then the river picked up pace and the rapids got higher and hotter. he looked ahead and saw that he was heading towards a water fall! he began to panic and.... Suddenly something pulled him off the log and pullded him to shore, it was the pink pigmy elephant who said after you treated me like some kinda call girl I still saved your life", the hunter looked and said... ...you owe me money biatch...
<intermission: time to switch out Reel 2: ... got as far as message 73">
EPISODE #3:
At that point the pink pygmy elephant trunk-slapped the hunter, sending him splashing into the roiling hot chocolate river and down, over the falls. the hunter fell 572 feet into a whipped latte lagoon, losing consciousness. he awoke some time later on shore, all sticky and covered in hot chocolate residue. ants were.... ...becoming, transforming into something they had never been before...
a giant body cast that covered the hunter,
He then fell into a deep sleep only to wake up in his bed, he then said that is the last time I eat mushrooms before... playing Serious Sam.The hunter ,also known as Henry the basement nerd ,reaches for his glasses .Suddenly ...... he accidentally knocks his glasses off the bed side table. Reaching for them as they fall to the floor, his blurry eyes discern a hairy, gnarled hand reach out from under the bed to catch the glasses before they hit the floor. And as the hand recedes back under the bed.... Henry thought that was odd and he looked under the bed to see Victoria holding his glasses in one hand the other covered in blood grasping at her... Victoria quickly broke free and ran for the door.
Henry managed to grab his glasses and ran after Victoria, who... was leaving a trail of blood for a reason unknown to Henry. Suddendly as he came up from the basement Victoria was there holding a knife mumbling something about pigmy elephants and... a dead midget that she found up on a hill. Just then, Henry... decides it is time to... take a shower . He reaches for the bathroom .Then out of nowhere ..... a comet falls from outer space and destroys his bathroom. Henry curses and decides to go make... funny balloon animals .
He meets Salvador Limones . ("wazzzaaaap!")
He says "Calavera Henry ,you are need to carry out the revolution against ............ a band of wild elephants who think they are platypi. Go save their eggs!" So Henry and Salvador briskly.... Run to the television and start playing "Confused Elephants" on Xbox when out of nowhere...
Sal limones clubs henry to death. "Farewell calavera.you were a failure" .Then victoria shoots Sal ,"very slow indee sal,age is catching up"
In his last ditch attempt henry detonates the explosives under his xbox with the xbox secret combo."we all die"
And then. we flash over to Julia. Looking down at her hand, covered in blood, she decides that her actions were justified. She had to ......... (what did Julia do...)
Feeeeeeed . Hungryyyyy. Brainssssss. ...........
Julia couldn't believe that the transformation would be like this. Zombification is new to her, but never did she think she'd keep her conscious. She did, however, notice that her vision seemed less colorful, everything was darker, more contrasted. Not quite monochromatic, but closer...
Just then she..... Lozengezo arrived and bit her neck .
Julia "just great .I am a zombie an vampire .what next ?? "
(.."i said HAY!.I mean,.. bow wow!... can I just "hiss"? I just had my nails & fangs done"..)
Suddenly a werewolf came out of nowhere and bit her then went after Lozengezo who turned into a bat and flew off with the werewolf chasing. Julia looked up and thought "Any other mythical beasts want me to join up with their club tonight? Lich, ghoul, ghost, wight, or anything else, perhaps a lesser known type of undead or another human beast hybrid..." When out of nowhere...
A strange looking creature jumped from the bushes
Julia,"are you going to bite/sting/infect me so that I get converted to your cult"
Creature"no"
Julia"who are you"
Creature"chupacabra"
Julia"why wont you bite me"
Chupacabra"i am pretty nice guy."
Julia "so why are you here ?"
Chupacabra" you are standing on my home"
Suddenly Julia realizes .....
that she is a vampire-werewolf-zombie if this Chupacabra isn't going to attack her then she will... She realizes she is in a quicksand swamp and sinking down. Suddenly Lozengezo ..... flew by still being chased by the werewolf, they both saw julia sinking and stopped then started laughing when in unison they both said "Julia quit acting dumb you are a werewolf-vampire-zombie you can get out of quicksand by ... And suddenly chupacabra silenced both of them ."she need to learn the way of the zomwerevamipre .No short cuts ." Meanwhile 4 miles away from henry's home .... a rather large man is running from a cat with explosive diarrhea when he tripped over...
[COMMERCIAL BREAK HERE... stopped at Recap message #100
Stay Tuned for Episode 4:
Last edited by Rico ANDROID; October 23rd, 2011 at 10:08 AM.
..and said Shooot, are you nuts Barney!!!?! Giiiirl,Lozengezo didnt loose just his mind! he lost his whole dayam HEAD!..Noname Cecil proceeded to scoop up the "after surgury" from the floor and fed its content to Anita the Beast's head attached to Lozengezo's body... all of a sudden Lozengezo began to...
Last edited by Rico ANDROID; October 23rd, 2011 at 10:02 AM.
Then!..in comes A R I S T I Z Z L E The Great!!! Riding in on the back of golden camels ... the king said: "IT aint Over till i SAY "So let it be written...." Since i aint said it yet, then, it aint over till the PHAT LADY sangs!!!
Last edited by Rico ANDROID; October 23rd, 2011 at 01:53 PM.
.. raaaaan as fast as her feets could carry her! But to No avail.. the zombies caught up and cornered Aretha down at the abandoned Motown Office Bldg. They busted their way in through the glass windows and suddenly the Zombi-Flashmob donned aprons , bibs, forks and knives. slowwwly edging toward Aretha , they chanted "allll weeeee wanna DOOOOO is eeet 'cho braynes!!! (we're not unreasonable, we're not gonna eat'cher thighs!)".....
Aretha looked around scared when she saw zombie Michael Jackson which said...
...Heeeeeee! heee! Somebidy please pass me a plate! I want a brest'es and umm, a piece of the leg, thank you?...TITO,pease hand me a napkin...took one bite and screamed - LAWWWD! This is good!...at that time Zombi- Michael took another bite and..
Last edited by Rico ANDROID; October 26th, 2011 at 09:20 AM.
Suddenly Zombie-MJ went "ape-schick on Satan oops! I mean, Santa ! ....Then Zombie-MJ took out his "zombie-monkey, Bubbas" who opened up the biggest can of whoopayss and poured it up one side and down the other! When the dust settled in Santa's laboratory, there was nothing but...
Last edited by Rico ANDROID; October 27th, 2011 at 03:56 AM.
GREAT chaos when all of a sudden a gang of crazy, psychotic and crack infested ninjas appeared from a grey smoke bomb. After they beat the crap outta old Saint Nick and Whacko Jacko they demanded a randsom that 400 gazzilion dollars were to be paid into the great Gringo's Bank account or else the...
Last edited by Stinky Stinky; October 27th, 2011 at 04:25 AM.
Flying Monkies shall monkeynap the Zombi-Monkey "Bubbas" and feed him to Victoria Secret who secretly is the head Maddamme of the crazed crackhead ninjas... But then, the zombies came and...
unveiled their zombie strap ons! but alas, they could not use them on anyone because everyone can out run a zombie...everyone that is except for rico android, who fell and broke his femur. all the zombies lined up to get a piece of this fresh meat, pun intended, and poor old rico was...
Last edited by highjakker; October 27th, 2011 at 09:08 AM.
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to highjakker For This Useful Post:
...until a piece of his own meat fell into his mouth and rico android sai.... Hmmm taste like chikken!.. Then front and center steps the King of the zombies...looks like he was zombiefied from a highjakker incident... Zombie-Highjakker spoke out and said...
Last edited by Rico ANDROID; October 27th, 2011 at 10:12 AM.
Beat himself with it till he was unconscious...then all the other zombies scooped zombi-hijakker up, put him in a pot, added carrots and potatoes and...
Last edited by Rico ANDROID; October 27th, 2011 at 10:31 AM.
