Ever get out of a relationship and?

[Snow_Fox]

So.. anyone ever get out of a relationship and they aren't sure what to think?

I was with my girlfriend for 3 years or so now.. and we have lived together for 2 of them..

We didn't break up because of cheating or anything like that.. and I really want to do what it takes to be on good terms and her friend.. but, I just feel weird all around...

Now I'm free to focus on school.. I'm actually going back home even though I will be commuting a lot now.. (4 days a week).. I can at least leave my current job and not worry about bills/rent..

There is no real way to tell.. but, I think were we given different circumstances it may have worked... but, they weren't what we were given..

We both still admit we love each other.. but, man... its all just so crazy.. I think we have gotten to a point where if we don't break up.. we will just end up burning the bridge.. I would rather end the relationship with the friend that I had before we even started dating.. than a handful of ashes.

 

[BiGMERF]

sounds like you know what to do... sometimes for reason and for none that you can understand. people grow apart. you cant explain it and you dont understand why. But it happens.

 

[3617]

bro piss her off and bring some girl in

 

[Roxors]

bro piss her off and bring some girl in

uh what would that acomplish?

 

[typoerror]

nothing helps you forget the last one like the next one.

 

[Aiyan]

sounds like you know what to do... sometimes for reason and for none that you can understand. people grow apart. you cant explain it and you dont understand why. But it happens.

What Merf said.

Think that basically sums it up, just hope you are doing good even so.

 

[Member138406]

I say burn the bridge down. All or nothing.. You want to look back on this and be like she was the one that got away? F that. Obviously I don't know the exact situation but if you both say you love each other still.. I think its dumb not to try to work thru w/e is the reason your breaking up.. good luck.

 

[Roxors]

burning bridges is just dumb, rather than making things bad just don't talk to them for a while. no point to hurting someone for no point

 

[BadSectorGR]

Time is the best healer

 

[baberz]

Ever get out of a relationship, look back on it and ask yourself "Was I drunk the entire time I was with that person"?

Hope it all works out for ya!

 

[Member243850]

Hey Snow_Fox dude!

I am 23 and still have never had a relationship buddy! I just have not found the right person yet that's all...

Don't feel ashamed dude... about the situation here...it will work itself dude!

Keep well and try not to burn any bridges like roxor said dude!

it will be fine...

 

[OfTheDamned]

Ending a relationship when you still care about a person is always hard. Spending years with anyone and then walking away is even harder.

I have always tried to stay friends with the people I dated after we split. I guess I have a hard time holding a grudge when it is with someone I care about. I'm still friends with a girl that cheated on me multiple times when we were together. We were lousy together, but we are great as friends. Staying friends has allowed me to rekindle old flames and even reboot old relationships a few different times. Sometimes with wonderful results and sometimes with disastrous ones.

Keep in touch and stay friends. You never know what the future will bring. Just try not to get too hurt if you two don't ever get back together.

 

[tommy_ed]

i tried to do that with my most recent ex. We were really good friends before the relationship. Had to end it because I couldn't take the constant bitching and monitoring of spending and what I was doin... felt like i was ****in married for god sakes. Well needless to say, she took it as a personal insult and blew it completely out of proportion. I am now a complete asshole, evidently. Also had to kick her out of the house we just got done building. (well I got done building) so that didn't help the situation. Good luck bro it's been about 3 months and she still blows my phone up daily, trying to lay the guilt trip on me

 

[Member243850]

Whoa... sorry to hear that tommy_ed that sux sorry dude....

@ofthedamned

Sorry to here that too...

I wish people could just understand how others feel sometimes...

 

[Member 182715]

I have been in this situation before.. sometimes being friends afterwards works and then other times the girl makes it practically impossible. Just depends on the person.

 

[330D]

Been with my wife for 10+ years, married for 4. Not going well, probably won't be able to repair our relationship. The limbo that I am in right now may be the most difficult thing I have ever been through. I don't have any advice for the op, other than to take it one day at a time, and be as civil and decent to your former significant other as you can be. I believe everything happens for a reason, and as hard as it may be right now, it will get better. Good luck, dude, I hope it works out for the best.

 

[Member 182715]

Been with my wife for 10+ years, married for 4. Not going well, probably won't be able to repair our relationship. The limbo that I am in right now may be the most difficult thing I have ever been through. I don't have any advice for the op, other than to take it one day at a time, and be as civil and decent to your former significant other as you can be. I believe everything happens for a reason, and as hard as it may be right now, it will get better. Good luck, dude, I hope it works out for the best.

Im sorry to hear that man. I really hope you guys can end up repairing your relationship.

 

[Snow_Fox]

lol.. well this is interesting.. @330D I'm sorry to hear that.. My friend said that there were 3 couples she thought would *never* break up.. and all 3 of them split with in a week. She said our relationship was the one she least expected..

@3617 she knows I would have never traded our relationship for sexual freedom. however, she also knows that she was my first and I have a curiosity about what other people are like sexually. She moved out a few days ago.. but, she has been packing stuff here and there for the last 2 days.. Tonight she told me "If you bring back (coworkers name removed for her sake) just please be safe, and wash the sheets" There was a lot of irony in that.. because, only today did I realize tonight is the last night I'm going to live in my current town.. and earlier today when I mentioned it to a random friend.. the friend replied "gunna do anything wild and crazy?" I responded.. "if I can find anyone to do it with!".. While nothing happened with my co worker.. I literally had just thought of talking to her about maybe having some NSA activities.. 10 minutes before my ex girlfriend flat out called me out on it.. My ex knows me.. very well.. And yes I do want other women.. however, not for the sake of pissing her off :/ I'm not petty and it did not end poorly.

@ofthedamned. She and I use to work for the same company (retail jobs since we are in college before I got fired and she quit sometime later) and she went there yesterday and saw an old coworker and asked how we were doing.. She told the coworker we broke up.. The coworker responded "whatever it is you two will get over it in no time".. I think.. it helps that people knew we were dating at the company.. but, if we didn't tell them.. they'd have never known.. I don't hold out for hope of the future.. But, for now.. all I want relationship wise is NSA... she is pretty much the only exception to that rule.. I think strings will always be attached for her and I.

@VegasOnAcid why would I want to burn a bridge I may need later on one day? Also.. if you know the bridge is going to burn but, can be saved.. why not save it?

@typoerror I don't want to forget her.. I don't know maybe I'm sending the wrong message here.. I love her and I always will. Yeah it bothered me for a half hour that morning and I broke down again that night..

@all I think of myself as a man. I felt and to some degree do still feel weird/off about the entire situation. However, I'm not some whiny little emo who feels the need to dwell in some pain just for the sake of being pathetic. I don't need to drown my emotions in another person. Nor do I need to shrink down so low as to try and piss her off and be petty over it. I'm not burning what was for nearly or over 3 years the only bridge to a place I can call "home". I say "home" in the truest sense of the word. A place I truly felt I belonged at the time, although temporary the apartment we lived in was our home. I am not saying that later on I may not think of "home" as some place with another woman. However, I am saying that she can always seek shelter with me should she ever have problems.

I perhaps also think that you may not realize just how important that sense of "home" has been to me.. I have never in 22 years of life felt at "home" anywhere else.. I've always had a peculiar relationship with my parents... My brothers have been great friends but, there has never been a sense of "family" at any other time in my life. Heck sometimes, I just about felt like her family was more family to me than mine. After we broke up.. it made me so happy to see my mom send her a message asking if she was ok on facebook before she sent me anything. One of my brothers asked her what happen.. and not in a condescending manner.. but, one of legit concern.

Perhaps some of you have never really been in love.. or are so emotionally weak that your only reaction is to immediately go out and validate your self through another person.. All I can say is that is fine and that is your business and I am not trying to put myself on a stool here.. However, I am very, very, slow to anger and she has done nothing to deserve my scorn. My sexual curiosity is just that... sexual curiosity. I would have never traded the relationship for a chance to explore it.. however, now that I am out of the relationship.. there is no reason for me to no explore it.

 

[Member138406]

@VegasOnAcid why would I want to burn a bridge I may need later on one day? Also.. if you know the bridge is going to burn but, can be saved.. why not save it?

I worded it a little rash cause I think i was drunk . I am saying that if you both still love each other there is no reason not to keep trying at it imo. Even the best relationships need a lot of effort and hardships to work.

If your truly growing apart, are you honestly really going to be too involved in each others lives in 3-5 years anyways when you have moved on? Also you can always fix a friendship if both people are willing. You cant always get back into a relationship with someone after you officially break it off.

I just always find it really sad when you have a friend that seems to have a good life, but they deep down wish they would have kept trying with a past love. I don't want to be in that situation.. so just IMO I am kinda all or nothing, I know I can resurrect any friendship that I screw up.. but again, once a relationship is done its done.

Good luck tho, wish you the best, break ups always suck, in your case and even when your dying to leave the person..

 

[OfTheDamned]

I do have to say that my experience with men is very limited as far as relationships of this nature go. I dated a few guys way back when, but nothing really serious. Certainly nothing on the level that any of you are talking about.

What I want to say is that this thread has in many ways changed my views on the average hetero male.

 

[Member138406]

What I want to say is that this thread has in many ways changed my views on the average hetero male.

How so? If you dont mind.

 

[OfTheDamned]

How so? If you dont mind.

Well, the major examples of hetero men in my life (beyond my dad) came from the guys my sister dated and the one she eventually married. While one or two of the guys she dated where nice enough the majority of them where complete and total bags of human waste. She dated a number of guys that appeared ok in the beginning, but then later turned out to cheat on her or just continuously lie to her. A couple of them came on to me while they were still dating. Some of them left right after they had sex with her and never talked to her again (not one night stands). Her husband turned out to be a really good guy, not without flaws, but who doesn't have those. He absolutely dotes on her and tries to give her and their kids anything and everything he can. I really like him.

While I have no problem with guys (friends with a lot of them), I guess I have always heard the negatives from girls when it comes to relationships. I never really thought about normal average guys having these sorts of feelings towards relationships. Not that I ever really thought guys were all boobs, fart jokes and football, but when you aren't getting involved in that aspect of life, you don't really think about this stuff. It is refreshing and I'm glad I was here to see it. It makes me realize that my sister just had really rotten taste in men all these years. I'll still keep the semi-superman image I have of my brother-in-law though, it makes me that much happier for her.

 

[Steven58]

31 years of marriage. Met Linda when I was 18 (second year of Juilliard), married her at 20. Never cheated on her. She was/is my first and only love. Never really had anyone to break up with.

 

[smacky]

Well, the major examples of hetero men in my life (beyond my dad) came from the guys my sister dated and the one she eventually married. While one or two of the guys she dated where nice enough the majority of them where complete and total bags of human waste. She dated a number of guys that appeared ok in the beginning, but then later turned out to cheat on her or just continuously lie to her. A couple of them came on to me while they were still dating. Some of them left right after they had sex with her and never talked to her again (not one night stands). Her husband turned out to be a really good guy, not without flaws, but who doesn't have those. He absolutely dotes on her and tries to give her and their kids anything and everything he can. I really like him.

While I have no problem with guys (friends with a lot of them), I guess I have always heard the negatives from girls when it comes to relationships. I never really thought about normal average guys having these sorts of feelings towards relationships. Not that I ever really thought guys were all boobs, fart jokes and football, but when you aren't getting involved in that aspect of life, you don't really think about this stuff. It is refreshing and I'm glad I was here to see it. It makes me realize that my sister just had really rotten taste in men all these years. I'll still keep the semi-superman image I have of my brother-in-law though, it makes me that much happier for her.

You taught me lesbians weren't all bra-less, man-hating, cat-owning, no-makeup-wearing cynics.

 

[OfTheDamned]

You taught me lesbians weren't all bra-less, man-hating, cat-owning, no-makeup-wearing cynics.

LMAO!

I had to clean my keyboard after reading that. Diet coke everywhere.

I do own cats though.