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I don't know that the notification can be stopped in the notification bar but you can change the type of vibration and/or color of notification in the bar using some of the third party apps such as Go SMS or Handcent. It's in the settings for individual on Go SMS. (I'm not familiar with Handcent so I can't send you to the correct setting off hand).
 
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I don't use the stock app but there is an option if you scroll down in the settings to disable notifications in the status. I'll assume they just left out the bar in the text. That should do it. Not sure about ringtones per contact though.

Open a contact, hit the menu button... hit set ringtone. Viola... per user ringtones.:D:D

edit: for txt... not seeing anything there on newest jb, hmmm.
 
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Open a contact, hit the menu button... hit set ringtone. Viola... per user ringtones.:D:D

edit: for txt... not seeing anything there on newest jb, hmmm.

Yeah I was going to say, I didn't see that anywhere.

Just checked on GoSMS though, it has individual notifications. Open up a contact, hit menu, and hit individual. Also has the ability to disable notifications in the notification section.
 
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