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Old September 14th, 2010, 10:22 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Ever get out of a relationship and?

So.. anyone ever get out of a relationship and they aren't sure what to think?

I was with my girlfriend for 3 years or so now.. and we have lived together for 2 of them..

We didn't break up because of cheating or anything like that.. and I really want to do what it takes to be on good terms and her friend.. but, I just feel weird all around...

Now I'm free to focus on school.. I'm actually going back home even though I will be commuting a lot now.. (4 days a week).. I can at least leave my current job and not worry about bills/rent..

There is no real way to tell.. but, I think were we given different circumstances it may have worked... but, they weren't what we were given..

We both still admit we love each other.. but, man... its all just so crazy.. I think we have gotten to a point where if we don't break up.. we will just end up burning the bridge.. I would rather end the relationship with the friend that I had before we even started dating.. than a handful of ashes.

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Old September 14th, 2010, 10:41 PM   #2 (permalink)
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sounds like you know what to do... sometimes for reason and for none that you can understand. people grow apart. you cant explain it and you dont understand why. But it happens.
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Old September 14th, 2010, 11:15 PM   #3 (permalink)
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bro piss her off and bring some girl in
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Old September 14th, 2010, 11:45 PM   #4 (permalink)
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bro piss her off and bring some girl in
uh what would that acomplish?
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Old September 14th, 2010, 11:55 PM   #5 (permalink)
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nothing helps you forget the last one like the next one.
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Old September 14th, 2010, 11:56 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by BiGMERF View Post
sounds like you know what to do... sometimes for reason and for none that you can understand. people grow apart. you cant explain it and you dont understand why. But it happens.
What Merf said.

Think that basically sums it up, just hope you are doing good even so.
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Old September 15th, 2010, 12:45 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I say burn the bridge down. All or nothing.. You want to look back on this and be like she was the one that got away? F that. Obviously I don't know the exact situation but if you both say you love each other still.. I think its dumb not to try to work thru w/e is the reason your breaking up.. good luck.
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Old September 15th, 2010, 07:32 AM   #8 (permalink)
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burning bridges is just dumb, rather than making things bad just don't talk to them for a while. no point to hurting someone for no point
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Old September 15th, 2010, 07:46 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Time is the best healer
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Old September 15th, 2010, 07:47 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Ever get out of a relationship, look back on it and ask yourself "Was I drunk the entire time I was with that person"?

Hope it all works out for ya!
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Old September 15th, 2010, 08:05 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Hey Snow_Fox dude!

I am 23 and still have never had a relationship buddy! I just have not found the right person yet that's all...

Don't feel ashamed dude... about the situation here...it will work itself dude!

Keep well and try not to burn any bridges like roxor said dude!

it will be fine...
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Old September 15th, 2010, 09:36 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Ending a relationship when you still care about a person is always hard. Spending years with anyone and then walking away is even harder.

I have always tried to stay friends with the people I dated after we split. I guess I have a hard time holding a grudge when it is with someone I care about. I'm still friends with a girl that cheated on me multiple times when we were together. We were lousy together, but we are great as friends. Staying friends has allowed me to rekindle old flames and even reboot old relationships a few different times. Sometimes with wonderful results and sometimes with disastrous ones.

Keep in touch and stay friends. You never know what the future will bring. Just try not to get too hurt if you two don't ever get back together.
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Old September 15th, 2010, 09:46 AM   #13 (permalink)
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i tried to do that with my most recent ex. We were really good friends before the relationship. Had to end it because I couldn't take the constant bitching and monitoring of spending and what I was doin... felt like i was ****** married for god sakes. Well needless to say, she took it as a personal insult and blew it completely out of proportion. I am now a complete asshole, evidently. Also had to kick her out of the house we just got done building. (well I got done building) so that didn't help the situation. Good luck bro it's been about 3 months and she still blows my phone up daily, trying to lay the guilt trip on me
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Old September 15th, 2010, 09:54 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Whoa... sorry to hear that tommy_ed that sux sorry dude....

@ofthedamned

Sorry to here that too...

I wish people could just understand how others feel sometimes...
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Old September 16th, 2010, 01:01 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I have been in this situation before.. sometimes being friends afterwards works and then other times the girl makes it practically impossible. Just depends on the person.
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Old September 16th, 2010, 03:22 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Been with my wife for 10+ years, married for 4. Not going well, probably won't be able to repair our relationship. The limbo that I am in right now may be the most difficult thing I have ever been through. I don't have any advice for the op, other than to take it one day at a time, and be as civil and decent to your former significant other as you can be. I believe everything happens for a reason, and as hard as it may be right now, it will get better. Good luck, dude, I hope it works out for the best.
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Old September 16th, 2010, 10:32 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Been with my wife for 10+ years, married for 4. Not going well, probably won't be able to repair our relationship. The limbo that I am in right now may be the most difficult thing I have ever been through. I don't have any advice for the op, other than to take it one day at a time, and be as civil and decent to your former significant other as you can be. I believe everything happens for a reason, and as hard as it may be right now, it will get better. Good luck, dude, I hope it works out for the best.
Im sorry to hear that man. I really hope you guys can end up repairing your relationship.
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Old September 17th, 2010, 01:33 AM   #18 (permalink)
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lol.. well this is interesting.. @330D I'm sorry to hear that.. My friend said that there were 3 couples she thought would *never* break up.. and all 3 of them split with in a week. She said our relationship was the one she least expected..

@3617 she knows I would have never traded our relationship for sexual freedom. however, she also knows that she was my first and I have a curiosity about what other people are like sexually. She moved out a few days ago.. but, she has been packing stuff here and there for the last 2 days.. Tonight she told me "If you bring back (coworkers name removed for her sake) just please be safe, and wash the sheets" There was a lot of irony in that.. because, only today did I realize tonight is the last night I'm going to live in my current town.. and earlier today when I mentioned it to a random friend.. the friend replied "gunna do anything wild and crazy?" I responded.. "if I can find anyone to do it with!".. While nothing happened with my co worker.. I literally had just thought of talking to her about maybe having some NSA activities.. 10 minutes before my ex girlfriend flat out called me out on it.. My ex knows me.. very well.. And yes I do want other women.. however, not for the sake of pissing her off :/ I'm not petty and it did not end poorly.

@ofthedamned. She and I use to work for the same company (retail jobs since we are in college before I got fired and she quit sometime later) and she went there yesterday and saw an old coworker and asked how we were doing.. She told the coworker we broke up.. The coworker responded "whatever it is you two will get over it in no time".. I think.. it helps that people knew we were dating at the company.. but, if we didn't tell them.. they'd have never known.. I don't hold out for hope of the future.. But, for now.. all I want relationship wise is NSA... she is pretty much the only exception to that rule.. I think strings will always be attached for her and I.

@VegasOnAcid why would I want to burn a bridge I may need later on one day? Also.. if you know the bridge is going to burn but, can be saved.. why not save it?

@typoerror I don't want to forget her.. I don't know maybe I'm sending the wrong message here.. I love her and I always will. Yeah it bothered me for a half hour that morning and I broke down again that night..

@all I think of myself as a man. I felt and to some degree do still feel weird/off about the entire situation. However, I'm not some whiny little emo who feels the need to dwell in some pain just for the sake of being pathetic. I don't need to drown my emotions in another person. Nor do I need to shrink down so low as to try and piss her off and be petty over it. I'm not burning what was for nearly or over 3 years the only bridge to a place I can call "home". I say "home" in the truest sense of the word. A place I truly felt I belonged at the time, although temporary the apartment we lived in was our home. I am not saying that later on I may not think of "home" as some place with another woman. However, I am saying that she can always seek shelter with me should she ever have problems.

I perhaps also think that you may not realize just how important that sense of "home" has been to me.. I have never in 22 years of life felt at "home" anywhere else.. I've always had a peculiar relationship with my parents... My brothers have been great friends but, there has never been a sense of "family" at any other time in my life. Heck sometimes, I just about felt like her family was more family to me than mine. After we broke up.. it made me so happy to see my mom send her a message asking if she was ok on facebook before she sent me anything. One of my brothers asked her what happen.. and not in a condescending manner.. but, one of legit concern.

Perhaps some of you have never really been in love.. or are so emotionally weak that your only reaction is to immediately go out and validate your self through another person.. All I can say is that is fine and that is your business and I am not trying to put myself on a stool here.. However, I am very, very, slow to anger and she has done nothing to deserve my scorn. My sexual curiosity is just that... sexual curiosity. I would have never traded the relationship for a chance to explore it.. however, now that I am out of the relationship.. there is no reason for me to no explore it.
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Old September 17th, 2010, 01:48 AM   #19 (permalink)
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@VegasOnAcid why would I want to burn a bridge I may need later on one day? Also.. if you know the bridge is going to burn but, can be saved.. why not save it?
I worded it a little rash cause I think i was drunk . I am saying that if you both still love each other there is no reason not to keep trying at it imo. Even the best relationships need a lot of effort and hardships to work.

If your truly growing apart, are you honestly really going to be too involved in each others lives in 3-5 years anyways when you have moved on? Also you can always fix a friendship if both people are willing. You cant always get back into a relationship with someone after you officially break it off.

I just always find it really sad when you have a friend that seems to have a good life, but they deep down wish they would have kept trying with a past love. I don't want to be in that situation.. so just IMO I am kinda all or nothing, I know I can resurrect any friendship that I screw up.. but again, once a relationship is done its done.

Good luck tho, wish you the best, break ups always suck, in your case and even when your dying to leave the person..
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Old September 17th, 2010, 12:23 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I do have to say that my experience with men is very limited as far as relationships of this nature go. I dated a few guys way back when, but nothing really serious. Certainly nothing on the level that any of you are talking about.

What I want to say is that this thread has in many ways changed my views on the average hetero male.
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Old September 17th, 2010, 01:46 PM   #21 (permalink)
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What I want to say is that this thread has in many ways changed my views on the average hetero male.
How so? If you dont mind.
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Old September 17th, 2010, 03:17 PM   #22 (permalink)
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How so? If you dont mind.
Well, the major examples of hetero men in my life (beyond my dad) came from the guys my sister dated and the one she eventually married. While one or two of the guys she dated where nice enough the majority of them where complete and total bags of human waste. She dated a number of guys that appeared ok in the beginning, but then later turned out to cheat on her or just continuously lie to her. A couple of them came on to me while they were still dating. Some of them left right after they had sex with her and never talked to her again (not one night stands). Her husband turned out to be a really good guy, not without flaws, but who doesn't have those. He absolutely dotes on her and tries to give her and their kids anything and everything he can. I really like him.

While I have no problem with guys (friends with a lot of them), I guess I have always heard the negatives from girls when it comes to relationships. I never really thought about normal average guys having these sorts of feelings towards relationships. Not that I ever really thought guys were all boobs, fart jokes and football, but when you aren't getting involved in that aspect of life, you don't really think about this stuff. It is refreshing and I'm glad I was here to see it. It makes me realize that my sister just had really rotten taste in men all these years. I'll still keep the semi-superman image I have of my brother-in-law though, it makes me that much happier for her.
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Old September 17th, 2010, 03:26 PM   #23 (permalink)
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31 years of marriage. Met Linda when I was 18 (second year of Juilliard), married her at 20. Never cheated on her. She was/is my first and only love. Never really had anyone to break up with.
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Old September 17th, 2010, 04:11 PM   #24 (permalink)
 
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Well, the major examples of hetero men in my life (beyond my dad) came from the guys my sister dated and the one she eventually married. While one or two of the guys she dated where nice enough the majority of them where complete and total bags of human waste. She dated a number of guys that appeared ok in the beginning, but then later turned out to cheat on her or just continuously lie to her. A couple of them came on to me while they were still dating. Some of them left right after they had sex with her and never talked to her again (not one night stands). Her husband turned out to be a really good guy, not without flaws, but who doesn't have those. He absolutely dotes on her and tries to give her and their kids anything and everything he can. I really like him.

While I have no problem with guys (friends with a lot of them), I guess I have always heard the negatives from girls when it comes to relationships. I never really thought about normal average guys having these sorts of feelings towards relationships. Not that I ever really thought guys were all boobs, fart jokes and football, but when you aren't getting involved in that aspect of life, you don't really think about this stuff. It is refreshing and I'm glad I was here to see it. It makes me realize that my sister just had really rotten taste in men all these years. I'll still keep the semi-superman image I have of my brother-in-law though, it makes me that much happier for her.

You taught me lesbians weren't all bra-less, man-hating, cat-owning, no-makeup-wearing cynics.
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Old September 17th, 2010, 04:13 PM   #25 (permalink)
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You taught me lesbians weren't all bra-less, man-hating, cat-owning, no-makeup-wearing cynics.
LMAO!

I had to clean my keyboard after reading that. Diet coke everywhere.

I do own cats though.
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Old September 17th, 2010, 04:19 PM   #26 (permalink)
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You taught me lesbians weren't all bra-less, man-hating, cat-owning, no-makeup-wearing cynics.
Hey... Don't diss my sister, she do actually have a cat kennel! : < *laughs*
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Old September 17th, 2010, 04:23 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Wow, I had no idea you thought that about guys, OTD. I've been lucky. Everyone that I've seriously dated has been exceptional (not perfect but really great.) The problem is that until about 10 years ago, I was one of those crazy ex-girlfriends most guys have (not the stalking kind, just the pain in the ass kind.)

I was selfish, passive aggressive and an all around pain in the ass. I'm still that way, but at least I am old and tired now so not as many people have to deal with it. When my last boyfriend and I broke up, I decided to stop dating seriously and just have fun because I thought the same thing that you did.

18 months later, I met my husband (so much for revelling in what little youth I had left to misspend) and I wouldn't trade him for anything except maybe Bill Gates. In that case, my husband could be the pool boy.

Everyone that I've stayed with has been attentive and a great partner in my life while not being the sort of emo crybaby that people accuse men who treat women well of being. Taking your relationship seriously and respecting what made you want to stay with the person as long as you did doesn't make you emo and being on a first name basis with all of the ladies at the strip clubs when it goes south doesn't make you a man either.

There are just as many lying, cheating, philanderin' women out there, too. It's hard to be a good person (well for me it is) but sometimes you meet someone that you feel should have a good person looking out for them. That's a good place to be, I think. Good luck, Snow_Fox. Congrats, Steven58. It is hard to live with anyone for 31 years (no matter how much you love them.) I haven't lived with anyone for more than 18 and only 10 years for someone who isn't a blood relative, so I really salute what you've got going.
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Old September 17th, 2010, 04:24 PM   #28 (permalink)
 
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I still don't understand why people decide to take a sip of their drink when they read my posts. It's always something that's gonna get someone mad...or happy.
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Old September 17th, 2010, 04:24 PM   #29 (permalink)
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LMAO!

I had to clean my keyboard after reading that. Diet coke everywhere.

I do own cats though.
Bout time someone did that to you! Smacky you are now my hero.
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Old September 17th, 2010, 04:45 PM   #30 (permalink)
 
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Most of it has to do with how society and the media in it programs men and women.

My roommate is a complete tool. He belongs on Jersey Shore; he's loud and obnoxious and just an overall tool. He's a stereotypical frat boy...without actually being in a frat. Note, I said "stereotypical;" not all frat boys are what you see on TV and not all sorority girls are either.

Now, I'm not male feminist. If anything, I say a lot of racist and misogynistic things for laughs. But he treats the ladies like dirt like no one I have ever seen before. Funny thing? There has yet to be a girl in our apartment so far this semester. Damn, that hurts me too. But the media tries to program both genders into what a relationship is or simply how to get boys/girls.

The jackasses you hear about...they're not naturally made that way. Like I mentioned earlier, they're "programmed" to behave this way. It's not human to think that by going about those means of getting people is going to lead to something of substance. Some guys are told to be loud and obnoxious. To brag and boast about something and focus entirely on their egos to try and woo the girl at the bar. And it works. On a similarly 'programmed" girl. Gold-diggers? Someone has told that girl that by sacrificing all dignity and self-respect, you get what you want and you'll be happy forever with it. Pretending to be dumb and flirtatious is the way to be.

Humans aren't naturally programmed to behave like this; the people that do this are just misinformed about what it really takes.

Now I'm not sitting here rolling in the muff, but it doesn't take a lot of brains to realize that if you follow the media's script on relationships, it's good for the short-term...if you're lucky enough to get it going in the first place.

So what our moms warn us about boys and what rap music warns us about women...it's all based on individuals that are delusional from what they see on TV or are told is the "easy" way to find someone. Men aren't assholes by nature and women aren't naturally gold-digging, money-hungry whatevers that guys are told. It's those that make Jersey Shore their Bible and live by it.

As I was typing this, this came on shuffle on my iTunes. I think it's fitting.

YouTube - Jedi Mind Tricks - Trail of Lies
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Old September 18th, 2010, 01:02 AM   #31 (permalink)
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smacky.. while I do agree that a lot of it is "programmed" in by the media or whatever other medium...

I do believe that some of it does develop over time without help.. I mean unfortunately with my gf.. I didn't realize that we were both in the same situation.... I just viewed her side of the relationship as "better"... and really..the truth is I am a person who is normally very slow to anger.. and very level headed.. I had a poorly formed view of her situation for a long time...

Other people could easily let that go to their head.. "oh well I do this this and this, I deserve respek *****, I'm rick james!" type crap.

Likewise with women.. I am not saying some women aren't "programmed" but, I think it is easier for a woman to fall into the pit of "gold digging". Please women.. I am not saying your evil bloodsuckers here... (well cept maybe you OTD I see fangs.. maybe just a blood sucker and not evil?) However, my point is.. if your a fairly attractive woman, and you notice guys are willing to do more for your attention, then I could see how that progresses very easily into full blown gold digging.

Being a guy.. if I had women throw themselves at me offering me "perks" for being with them... I really don't know how I would fair.. Being completely honest in my last relationship, I loved my girlfriend a lot.. however, one problem we had was I'm a very "do something" oriented person.. so I'm constantly listening to music/playing video games/being what I consider "productive" (I consider most things that require some level of interaction 'productive' as opposed to watching pointless tv or drinking.. A movie can be evaluated artistically.. there is no redeeming qualities to jersey shore). I think she in some ways found my constant need from sun up to sunset to be doing something offsetting.. in a lot of ways it "detached us" or contributed to that process..

Now if I was a girl... and I felt the same way.. and the guy was well off enough to afford me what toys I wanted. then I could very easily see myself gold digging.. If the guy was reasonably attractive and reasonably loyal so as to prevent disease.. then hey..I get to sit around doing stuff all day long.. learning more (hopefully soon to start developing for android market ect). and being productive.. just having to satisfy a guy I would consider to some degree attractive anyway.. Then why not?

Now i know there are "hardcore" gold diggers out there.. going so far as to poke holes in condoms.. Or do other vile things.. but, that is a diff story.

and vegas I once held the same view as you.. but, honestly.. since we agreed to stay friends.. I see a smile I haven't seen in a while.. It is better to have loved and lost.. it is better to love and be loved.. than to hold ashes in your hand.

Maybe we will getback together.. or maybe I will just have a best friend. either way..I'm single for now.. and "on the market".. however, I'd take her back tomarrow or even right now if she called.. Of course I'd also go do crazy stuff tonight if there was a willing/attractive/safe participant XD.
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Old September 18th, 2010, 02:05 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Well, the major examples of hetero men in my life (beyond my dad) came from the guys my sister dated and the one she eventually married. While one or two of the guys she dated where nice enough the majority of them where complete and total bags of human waste. She dated a number of guys that appeared ok in the beginning, but then later turned out to cheat on her or just continuously lie to her. A couple of them came on to me while they were still dating. Some of them left right after they had sex with her and never talked to her again (not one night stands). Her husband turned out to be a really good guy, not without flaws, but who doesn't have those. He absolutely dotes on her and tries to give her and their kids anything and everything he can. I really like him.

While I have no problem with guys (friends with a lot of them), I guess I have always heard the negatives from girls when it comes to relationships. I never really thought about normal average guys having these sorts of feelings towards relationships. Not that I ever really thought guys were all boobs, fart jokes and football, but when you aren't getting involved in that aspect of life, you don't really think about this stuff. It is refreshing and I'm glad I was here to see it. It makes me realize that my sister just had really rotten taste in men all these years. I'll still keep the semi-superman image I have of my brother-in-law though, it makes me that much happier for her.
Don't worry we are just the good guys there are still the ones out there that suck
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Old September 18th, 2010, 07:58 PM   #33 (permalink)
 
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Bout time someone did that to you! Smacky you are now my hero.
What, make people spit their drinks out? OTD does it all the time.
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Old September 18th, 2010, 10:02 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Nope for making her do it with diet Coke, she did that to me and it ended badly. Now she knows how it feels, but I don't think the diet Coke burned her nose but I wouldn't wish that on anyone except maybe the guy who thought it would be a good idea to tax tuition in Pittsburgh. In that case he deserves just the nose burning, not the funny post that made it happen.
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Old September 18th, 2010, 10:12 PM   #35 (permalink)
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You taught me lesbians weren't all bra-less, man-hating, cat-owning, no-makeup-wearing cynics.
LOL!!! Spit my soda out...
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Old September 18th, 2010, 10:30 PM   #36 (permalink)
 
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You self-conscious women. Diet Coke tastes like artificially sweetened turds. How do you drink it? Why not just plod forth towards type 2 diabetes like the rest of us fatties.
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Old September 20th, 2010, 09:12 AM   #37 (permalink)
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Well, the major examples of hetero men in my life (beyond my dad) came from the guys my sister dated and the one she eventually married. While one or two of the guys she dated where nice enough the majority of them where complete and total bags of human waste. She dated a number of guys that appeared ok in the beginning, but then later turned out to cheat on her or just continuously lie to her. A couple of them came on to me while they were still dating. Some of them left right after they had sex with her and never talked to her again (not one night stands). Her husband turned out to be a really good guy, not without flaws, but who doesn't have those. He absolutely dotes on her and tries to give her and their kids anything and everything he can. I really like him.

While I have no problem with guys (friends with a lot of them), I guess I have always heard the negatives from girls when it comes to relationships. I never really thought about normal average guys having these sorts of feelings towards relationships. Not that I ever really thought guys were all boobs, fart jokes and football, but when you aren't getting involved in that aspect of life, you don't really think about this stuff. It is refreshing and I'm glad I was here to see it. It makes me realize that my sister just had really rotten taste in men all these years. I'll still keep the semi-superman image I have of my brother-in-law though, it makes me that much happier for her.
Interestingly enough, I'm generally friends with my ex's. My exgf from HS actually offered to let us stay at her house if we were ever up that way... My wife has never met her, so was a little weirded out by it...

I don't think I've had one of those really bad breakups. Not that I've ever split with anyone without some bad feelings though...

I agree with smacky. Mostly, it's the media that portrays men as heartless, panty chasers.

I read somewhere that a brain study showed that men are more emotional than women, but they don't express it.
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Old September 20th, 2010, 05:36 PM   #38 (permalink)
 
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Me and my woman, Palmela Handerson have been going on strong since the eighth grade now. We're soulmates. *sniff*
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Old September 21st, 2010, 12:58 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Me and my woman, Palmela Handerson have been going on strong since the eighth grade now. We're soulmates. *sniff*
HA i got cha beat i have twins for my soulmates oddly enough they have the same name... creepy....
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