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Old December 17th, 2012, 07:52 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Corny Jokes..lets share

What did the bean say to the other bean.....How you Bean

What lights up a Soccer Stadium.....A Soccer match

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine....Give me my Quaterback
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Old December 17th, 2012, 08:43 PM   #2 (permalink)
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So a guy walks into a bar.....says ouch

What do you call a fish without an eye? fsh
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Old December 17th, 2012, 08:53 PM   #3 (permalink)
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When is a door not a door? when its ajar.

I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.

How much does a polar bear weigh? enough to break the ice, Hi, I'm Alex
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Old December 17th, 2012, 09:24 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Lol yes keep em coming
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Old December 18th, 2012, 01:10 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Why did Cinderella get cut from the softball team?
She ran away from the ball

How do you make a handkerchief dance?
Put a little boogie in it

Why aren't there any Walgreens in Afghanistan?
Because everything's a target
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Old December 18th, 2012, 01:31 AM   #6 (permalink)
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So last night I had this weird dream that I was a muffler... I don't think I slept very well though - when I woke up, I was exhausted.
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Old December 18th, 2012, 08:24 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
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So last night I had this weird dream that I was a muffler... I don't think I slept very well though - when I woke up, I was exhausted.
lol nice
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Old December 18th, 2012, 09:18 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by inspired4g View Post
So a guy walks into a bar.....says ouch
Two men walked into a bar... the third one ducked

What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!


What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was asalted.

What do you call a computer in the ocean?
A Dell rolling in the deep
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Old December 18th, 2012, 09:22 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Have anyone heard the joke about the butter...I can't tell you it might spread
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Old December 19th, 2012, 03:10 PM   #10 (permalink)
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So, did you guys/gals hear about those new corduroy pillows? No? They've been making headlines...
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Old December 19th, 2012, 08:36 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I went to a boxing match the other nite and a hockey game broke out!
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Old December 19th, 2012, 08:44 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saptech View Post
I went to a boxing match the other nite and a hockey game broke out!
Man I'm so lost lol
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Old December 19th, 2012, 09:46 PM   #13 (permalink)
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My grandpappy told me, never marry a woman with big hands... they’ll make your p••ker look small.
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Old December 19th, 2012, 10:26 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Why can't a bike stand on its own? Because it is two-tired.
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Old December 19th, 2012, 10:39 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Made my day...

Thanks for the laughs!
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Old December 20th, 2012, 09:30 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saptech View Post
I went to a boxing match the other nite and a hockey game broke out!
Took me a while but i got it! lol
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Old December 20th, 2012, 10:21 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Q: Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
A: Just in-case they get a hole-in-one.

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Old December 20th, 2012, 11:36 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Mrs. Bigger had a baby. Who is bigger, Mrs. Bigger or the baby?

The baby, because he’s a little Bigger.
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Old December 20th, 2012, 12:04 PM   #19 (permalink)
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(I actually made this one up...)

How many nymphomaniacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just two, but they have to be really small.
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Old December 20th, 2012, 12:19 PM   #20 (permalink)
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This is all i have for now.



Have you heard of the new restaurant on the moon? The food is amazing, but I've heard its got no atmosphere
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Old December 20th, 2012, 12:20 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Also i found these.

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? Dam
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Old December 20th, 2012, 02:28 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liamo_210 View Post
Also i found these.

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? Dam

lol I'm using the fish joke today
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Old December 20th, 2012, 11:21 PM   #23 (permalink)
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If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
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Old December 21st, 2012, 07:50 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Thumbs up

Quote:
Originally Posted by saptech View Post
If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
Lol nice
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Old December 21st, 2012, 03:01 PM   #25 (permalink)
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My mother-in-law.
'nuff said.
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Old December 21st, 2012, 03:04 PM   #26 (permalink)
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yes
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two buddies went hunting, while in the woods one of them suddenly grabbed his chest keeled over and was lying on the ground.His friend ran over to him and called 911 when the operator answered he said" omg I think my friend is dead what do I do?" she said.."ok calm down first we have to make sure he is really dead." he said "ok hold on.."
a shot gun blast rings out and then he comes back and says.."OK .. now what?"
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Old December 21st, 2012, 03:13 PM   #27 (permalink)
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My doctor told me I was both a tepee and a wigwam. I must be too tense.
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Old December 24th, 2012, 03:31 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lunatic59 View Post
My doctor told me I was both a tepee and a wigwam. I must be too tense.
hmmmm I have reservations....
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Old December 24th, 2012, 10:49 AM   #29 (permalink)
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My daughter told me this when she was a little girl. I loved it of course.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.
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Old January 14th, 2013, 07:25 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Where does a one legged waitress work..........Ihop
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Old January 14th, 2013, 09:26 PM   #31 (permalink)
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There was this zoo, and all the animals died one by one until all that was left was a single dog.

It was a shitzoo.
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Old January 20th, 2013, 08:36 AM   #32 (permalink)
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This guy was walking along the road pulling a piece of sting. Another guy asked 'why are you pulling that piece of string'? The first guy replies 'have you ever tried pushing it?

Another guy walking along with a dog who was wearing brown boots. A lady passing by asked 'why is your dog wearing brown boots?' The answer came back ..... ' his black ones are being mended'

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Old January 20th, 2013, 05:08 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Knock knock
Who's there
To
To who
To whom...
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Old January 20th, 2013, 11:56 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Manti Te'o...
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Old January 21st, 2013, 10:04 AM   #35 (permalink)
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What do you call a baby lamb in a stream?

A lamb in a flow :-D
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Old January 21st, 2013, 10:08 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Two bears are taking a shower. The first bear says "please pass the salt." The second bear looks at him and asks "what do you think I am, a radio?"
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Old January 21st, 2013, 10:12 PM   #37 (permalink)
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How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
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Old January 22nd, 2013, 10:25 AM   #38 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smokinjoe1979 View Post
Two bears are taking a shower. The first bear says "please pass the salt." The second bear looks at him and asks "what do you think I am, a radio?"
-_- I don't get it?
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Old January 22nd, 2013, 10:51 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Quote:
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-_- I don't get it?
I'm with you (0_0)
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Old January 22nd, 2013, 10:51 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Default Re: Corny Jokes..lets share

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mehta23 View Post
-_- I don't get it?
He/she meant soap.

What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Old January 22nd, 2013, 10:51 AM   #41 (permalink)
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Quote:
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How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

lol lol I like that
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Old January 22nd, 2013, 11:18 AM   #42 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mehta23 View Post
-_- I don't get it?
Yeah me neither.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NightHawk877 View Post
He/she meant soap.
Yeah, but what's the comment about being a radio mean? That's the punchline, after all...
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Old January 22nd, 2013, 12:10 PM   #43 (permalink)
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A guy walked into a bar and said "ouch"
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Old January 22nd, 2013, 04:53 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Why did the ghost cross the road?



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Old January 29th, 2013, 12:57 AM   #45 (permalink)
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Default Re: Corny Jokes..lets share

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Originally Posted by davoid View Post
Yeah me neither.

Yeah, but what's the comment about being a radio mean? That's the punchline, after all...
It's an anti-joke, nearly a half-century old, it just won't die. There's nothing to get.
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Old January 29th, 2013, 05:24 AM   #46 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EarlyMon View Post
It's an anti-joke, nearly a half-century old, it just won't die. There's nothing to get.
I got that it wasn't meant to make sense, but I was really responding to the explanation that he asked for the salt instead of soap, as if that clarified the joke, whereas the real confusion was in the unrelated punchline.

It's surrealist in nature, with the juxtaposition of unrelated irrelevant elements.

Anyway...



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