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Old January 22nd, 2013, 08:17 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default What have I done w/my life?

So lately I've been feeling some regrets with how I've lived my life. Not the things I've done per se, but more the things I haven't done and I'm wondering if I've totally screwed things up. I seem to get this way every year as my birthday approaches. I'll be 32 so I'm still something of a young pup, but I find myself regretting quite a lot.

On the one hand I've achieved nearly all my major life goals which might say more about how low I set my goals than anything. I make more a year by myself than the average household income in the US. I'm on track to pay off my house early and there's a fairly good chance that I will wake up at 35 with a completely paid for house and no debt in the world which would be incredibly awesome considering I was completely and utterly broke just a few years ago. I'm saving/investing for retirement and once the house is paid off I can, if I choose, really up that amount and become filthy rich. Retiring comfortably when I'm 50 is my other life goal (at the least I want the ability to be able to do so if I wish) and from where I am sitting I think I can realistically hit that if I wish.

Beyond that I don't have many other goals. There are 3-4 places I'd like to see, but honestly I could get to all of them this year if I really wanted to. Lord willing, I will get to see all of them in the next few years.

But then it occurs to me that maybe I'm missing something. I have some good friends who are celebrating their 62nd wedding anniversary this month. I'd have to live past 90 to even get there if I got married tomorrow. I have achieved the goals I've achieved mainly because I've focused solely on them and shut out other things that sometimes seem to me to be just as important. I have never had a serious relationship (embarrassing I know) mainly because I've focused on school and then my career. So I've had a successful career and enjoyed financial success while most of my friends have been married close to 10 years now and have 2-3 kids (who are all extremely cute btw). I'm wondering if my priorities are all wrong and I'm missing the important things.

Any thoughts or advice. I picture myself waking up at 35 with no debt, paid for house, money in the bank, cushy retirement savings and no one at all to share any of that with. It's got me kind of depressed lately, but that may be partly the birthday thing. This is the path I'm on though. I'm not entirely convinced it's a bad path, but I still feel like I'm missing something.

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Old January 22nd, 2013, 08:59 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I think we approach the most significant junctures in our lives without realizing they're there, and often, seemingly mundane decisions end up changing the course of everything for us. I don't think everyone has regrets, but I think everyone occasionally wonders what our lives would have become had we done something differently. I also think that life is comprised of compromises and no one truly has it all. We've all given up something.

I do pretty well and I'm pretty financially stable, but my mortgage definitely won't be paid in full in my thirties. However, I have a wife that will stand by me despite whatever life will throw at me. I have two young, beautiful, smart, and healthy daughters that I fill me with happiness that nothing else can touch. They give my life a purpose that I don't have control over, and oddly, that feels pretty good. This sounds a little strange, but there are moments when I watch them and I have a sort of out-of-body experience, a moment of clairvoyance in which I see my life from a distance, and I feel so thankful for what I have and so fearful of losing any part of it.

Not everyone is cut out for parenthood, and that's okay. My humble advice is to find your own happiness, experiment with new ideas, and try to make choices that you can feel proud of afterwards. Don't rely on money to make you happy...you'll be disappointed. It's the companionship of friends and loved ones that will make you feel wanted, and the connection of touching someone's heart will give your life meaning.
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Old January 22nd, 2013, 11:21 AM   #3 (permalink)
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So lately I've been feeling some regrets with how I've lived my life.
I find regrets to be good, as long as they propel me to do something about them. But I think some people tend to either over do or under do that part of all humans (to regret).

We either cover them up, some even bragging "I never regret." And some slipping quietly into depression "My life is a waste." Etc.

In between those things, in my opinion, there seems to be an opportunity to grow, become closer to people/things/nature/God (for those so inclined), etc.

Just my opinion.
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Old January 22nd, 2013, 11:23 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I know what you mean about Birthday's and regrets and bad decisions and...oh wait you didn't say bad decisions..that one was mine seriously It sounds to me as though you are on the right path. You are young ambitious smart. Relax.. honest.if you want a wife and family,( wait I'm assuming you are a guy) either way... you have plenty of time to find someone to share your life with. And you will...
22 years old. ( you said you have friends married 10 years already etc...) is way too young for most people in my opinion to know who you are and what you want in life let alone start having children!! Yikes!!! not to be gloom and doom but in the US more than 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce so waiting until you know yourself and what you want and most importantly what you DON'T want.. is setting yourself up for success in a relationship. That is a good thing..a smart thing..and you will find someone who understands and appreciates you

hang in there...you are young ..but old enough to know better so as I see it...you are exactly on the right path!!
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Old January 22nd, 2013, 11:33 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I find regrets to be good, as long as they propel me to do something about them. But I think some people tend to either over do or under do that part of all humans (to regret).

We either cover them up, some even bragging "I never regret." And some slipping quietly into depression "My life is a waste." Etc.

In between those things, in my opinion, there seems to be an opportunity to grow, become closer to people/things/nature/God (for those so inclined), etc.

Just my opinion.
I've seen people who claim they live life with no regrets and personally I don't understand it. How can they not regret a single thing they've ever done? Have these people never made a mistake in their lives? Or do they consider falling on their face in the mud only to discover that they're not face down in mud, but it's actually manure to be an amazing learning experience? I don't get that at all, but I think anyone who's been around in life long enough has been there. Maybe more than once. Usually because we failed to learn our less the first time. At least that's been my experience.

I don't know. I kind of feel like the older you get in life the more your choices become limited. You hit kindergarten age and you'll never be the Gerber baby. You reach high school age and you'll probably never be an Olympic gymnast. As you get older, more and more doors close for you. I'll never be married 60 years. Another 4-5 years and being married 50 yrs becomes unlikely as well. Already I will never be the next Mark Zuckerberg with more billions than years of life. So I kind of wonder what doors have been closed to me permanently and whether I've reached the point where my decisions that I've made are now permanent whether I want them to be or not.
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Old January 22nd, 2013, 11:41 AM   #6 (permalink)
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"Limited." Well... sometimes what we used to think of as "choices" were just things that were not in our life's path to begin with; they were more like things in our peripheral vision or something like that. Later regretting not doing some of those things, well.. that seems so futile and a waste of energy unless they are things we can do something about to the satisfaction that we won't later regret not doing yet something else.
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Old January 22nd, 2013, 06:38 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Tbh you sound like you're doing alright for yourself and have your head screwed on. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just sounds like birthday blues to me.

So many people would love to be in your situation.
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Old January 22nd, 2013, 09:18 PM   #8 (permalink)
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So money and other material wealth doesn't bring happiness. No real surprise there.

!Heelots.
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Old January 22nd, 2013, 10:12 PM   #9 (permalink)
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So money and other material wealth doesn't bring happiness. No real surprise there.

!Heelots.
I wouldn't classify myself as unhappy. More discontent at this point more than anything. I just wonder if I should've taken another path in life right now. If I got married tomorrow though I probably wouldn't make my goal of paying off the house by 35. But I don't know if that would be a bad thing or a good thing honestly.
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Old January 22nd, 2013, 11:14 PM   #10 (permalink)
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You've done everything right, but it seems you are wanting companionship. Having money and all is good but not having someone to enjoy it with is probably why you feel the way you do.
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 02:43 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I wouldn't classify myself as unhappy. More discontent at this point more than anything. I just wonder if I should've taken another path in life right now. If I got married tomorrow though I probably wouldn't make my goal of paying off the house by 35. But I don't know if that would be a bad thing or a good thing honestly.
The plain truth is that you can't change the path that you've already taken. But you can change your future path.

IME it gets harder and harder to make new friends and find "the right one" to marry after age 30. If I had it to do over again, I would have been more aggressive in my youth about finding the right girl and settling down. I had a lot more good prospects in my 20s than I've had in the two decades since. Your mileage may vary, but generally speaking it gets harder as you get older. Unless you're willing to marry a gold-digger that is.
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 04:54 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Getting married and having kids is horrendously overrated in this day and age. I for one for many personal reasons will never have kids, shortly because I like my freedom, money and low stress life and in don't want to give that up, along with I don't want to pass on my families curse of mental depression and alcohol abuse to a child, enough of my family has been hurt by those and I'm ending it. I'm 32 as well. I've always been selfish since I was a boy and the older I get, the more opionated and inflexible I become, and though I've thought and dreamt about meeting someone special. I have such high standard and deal breakers that pretty much no woman on this planet can meet. It's taken awhile to think about this, but after a long term relationship in had for 5 years ended because I wasn't happy in it for a good while, my standards for relationships in the future for higher.

I hate to die alone, but I'd rather be alone, happy and mostly carefree then be neutered and having to change who I am for someone else just so in have another warm body in bed? Am I bitter and angry sounding? You bet I am, you would be to after the life I've had so far as an unwanted, non sociable, introverted nerd that was never popular in all my years of school and all but ignored by woman in general. Thank God I had at least loving and protecting parents that me and my sister were able to grow up to be decent hard working people.
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 05:18 AM   #13 (permalink)
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What have I done with my (nearly) 60 years. let's see:
spent 2 years in Australia as a teenager where I worke in a Supermarket, on the railways, loading the kiln in a pottery factory Oh, and learnd programming in nightschool.
Back in the UK: was active in politics, served as a local councillor, spoke at party conferences. had my own IT business for 15 years, worked in N.Y. for a year. been married for 34 years with 2 grown-up offspring. renovated two houses, retrained as an electrician, did that for a couple of years until the banking crisis hit. Now I'm a final year mature student (Computer Security & Forensics) with a dissertation on Android Security Awareness.

Regrets: None that really matter.
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 06:44 AM   #14 (permalink)
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The plain truth is that you can't change the path that you've already taken. But you can change your future path.

IME it gets harder and harder to make new friends and find "the right one" to marry after age 30. If I had it to do over again, I would have been more aggressive in my youth about finding the right girl and settling down. I had a lot more good prospects in my 20s than I've had in the two decades since. Your mileage may vary, but generally speaking it gets harder as you get older. Unless you're willing to marry a gold-digger that is.
Finding the right one at my age gets increasingly unlikely. I'm not gonna lie. I know some great and awesome women my age, but all of them are married. The smart guys snatched them up 6-7 years ago at the least. I look around me in my circle and find I have three prospects none of which are appealing. One is an extremely quiet girl who is too shy to speak to me. We actually went out once and she wouldn't talk to me the entire time. It was awful and we are not even close to being compatible. The next one is a year old than me but works fast food and lives w/her mom. Ugh. Plus I've been friend zoned there anyway. The third is a 19 yr old single mom. Double ugh with the age difference and ready made family. I really don't think I ever want to have a kid. Of course I'm a 32 yr old geek with limited social skills so I ain't exactly a catch myself.

Then there is the gold digger thing that I've thought about quite a bit lately. If I met someone tomorrow I would wonder if they were into me because of me or because of my money. I'll give my friends one thing, they got married when they were young, just getting ready to graduate college or just graduated college and were all broke. They've come up in the world since then as we all have, but their wives have been with them the entire way so there's no way you can say they married them for their money.
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 07:40 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: What have I done w/my life?

Stop stressing it, I got married when I was 34 and had a child, the marriage lasted a little over 3 years. If it's meant to be you will find that someone without having to search high and low. I'm 53 and currently single and looking back much happier than I was towards the end of the marriage.
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 07:42 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Its not too late for you, try finding your other half before you hit 35. after 40 its even more an impossible task.

I never understood some people who do not want to settle down, who think they have so much time ahead. Good products get off the market fast, longer you wait, harder it is to find your second half.
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 07:51 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Stop stressing it, I got married when I was 34 and had a child, the marriage lasted a little over 3 years. If it's meant to be you will find that someone without having to search high and low. I'm 53 and currently single and looking back much happier than I was towards the end of the marriage.
I clicked "like" on that post because it's a great example of "never too late to live and learn."

Plus the comparison of "..towards the end of the marriage.." and being happier now, well, that's a rare value, in my opinion, because it probably means that you stopped struggling to find a perfect mate, etc. Correct me if I'm mistaken.
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 08:23 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Its not too late for you, try finding your other half before you hit 35. after 40 its even more an impossible task.

I never understood some people who do not want to settle down, who think they have so much time ahead. Good products get off the market fast, longer you wait, harder it is to find your second half.
Honestly, until recently I've never wanted to settle down figuring that I'm not the type to get tied down with a wife, 2.5 kids, house in the 'burbs, etc..... It's just not me. Lately though, (past 6-8 mos) I can see myself settling down with the right woman. I love my nieces and nephews to death, but I'm not a kid person at all. I can't see myself as a father.
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 10:40 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Its not too late for you, try finding you did ther half before you finallu hit 35. after 40 its even more an impossible task.

I never understood some people who do not want to settle down, who think they have so much time ahead. Good products get off the market fast, longer you wait, harder it is to find your second half.
There is so much wrong with this statement in dunno were to begin. Did you seriously compare finding love to grocery shopping?
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 03:00 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Honestly, I didn't find it offensive. Like I said, I have quite a few female friends and the really good ones were taken in their early 20s. We have some pretty sharp guys around here. I know I'm certainly no catch. I'm set in my ways, and somewhat stubborn and a caustic personally to boot. I have few redeeming qualities beyond my ability to make a decent living. I kind of question single women in their 30s and wonder why they are still on the market. Yes, the bargain looks like a good one, but I wonder if there's something hiding.
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 03:57 PM   #21 (permalink)
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I hate to be THAT guy, but have you checked out those Internet dating sites? I have one to thank for meeting my wife (although not directly, my roommate signed up, went on a date, invited her to the house for a cookout, decided he wasn't interested, just as I decided I was! )

Can't hurt to try.
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 05:43 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Not the first time I've heard that advice. The idea of doing something with a stranger is, quite frankly, terrifying to me. I'm too introverted for that. I've asked friends to set me up in the past and they've picked some real duds. They don't seem to get that I'm not into the quiet, shy, reserved type no matter how much I tell them.
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 05:54 PM   #23 (permalink)
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There is so much wrong with this statement in dunno were to begin. Did you seriously compare finding love to grocery shopping?
Yes I did. What are the chances for you to meet smart, good looking and attractive girl/guy who is going to be willing to do it 5 times a day when you are twenty? I'd say it's very easy. What about when you are 30? not so. 40? almost forget about love perspective. Of cause there are exceptions and I'm pretty sure someone is going to say "oh, but my mom, dad, brother, sister got successfully remarried at the age of 45" yes it's possible but not often seen.

Problem is once you are in your late twenties, it's really hard to adjust yourself to certain way of life. It's hard to change your lifestyle, life views, character, habits, ect. So it's better to pair with someone in your early twenties. You get used to persons habits, character and just the way you do things.

Bottom line is, it takes years for some to pair up, it's not one day thing, and life is full of surprises.

P.S.
I don't think it's a really bad idea to date before marriage, as long as you don't change guy/girl every week or two.
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 06:01 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Not the first time I've heard that advice. The idea of doing something with a stranger is, quite frankly, terrifying to me. I'm too introverted for that. I've asked friends to set me up in the past and they've picked some real duds. They don't seem to get that I'm not into the quiet, shy, reserved type no matter how much I tell them.
I think online dating is a great idea, there are just so many choices.
Here is a few advices as well.
1)Plan to kids even if you don't want them, you might end up with regrets later on.
2)Understand that no one is perfect. You can not find a girl who is smart, beautiful, has great personality, queen in bed and great mom and house wife. If you are not willing to compromise certain things, you are never going to meet the right person.
3)If you keep failing: I try to follow this advice all the time, maybe it's time to look in the mirror and change something about yourself.

Good luck!
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 06:13 PM   #25 (permalink)
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1)Plan to kids even if you don't want them, you might end up with regrets later on.


Good luck!

PFffft, not bloody likely. Single, free and somewhat lonely is better then being a miserable father to kids I never wanted.
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 06:34 PM   #26 (permalink)
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PFffft, not bloody likely. Single, free and somewhat lonely is better then being a miserable father to kids I never wanted.
Agreed. And who wants to be an unwanted kid?
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 06:36 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: What have I done w/my life?

Like I said earlier, at my age I realize that nothing and nobody in this life is perfect. I thoroughly enjoy my alone time. On rare occasions I'll take the chance on a friend induced blind date but after a relatively unhappy marriage with the bright spot being my son I don't have an intense desire to be in a long term relationship, if it happens fine but it certainly doesn't define or negate who and what I am just because I'm not in one.
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 06:54 PM   #28 (permalink)
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I've always been a believer in finding the one when you aren't looking.

Then again I'm the young 20-something who is in no rush
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 09:13 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Agreed. And who wants to be an unwanted kid?
Exactly, and there are FAAAAAAR to many unwanted and unloved kids in this world with piss poor excuses for fathers and I refuse to become part of that, even if it means I have to die alone. I'm better then that at least
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 09:36 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: What have I done w/my life?

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Originally Posted by Fr0stTr0n View Post
Exactly, and there are FAAAAAAR to many unwanted and unloved kids in this world with piss poor excuses for fathers and I refuse to become part of that, even if it means I have to die alone. I'm better then that at least
If only more people had this attitude, that's why I waited until I was 35 to have a child, it's the unwanted, uncared for children that you usually see on the nightly news.
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Old January 23rd, 2013, 09:42 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Old January 24th, 2013, 12:53 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Finding the right one at my age gets increasingly unlikely. I'm not gonna lie. I know some great and awesome women my age, but all of them are married. The smart guys snatched them up 6-7 years ago at the least.
Yep, that's what I was saying. I should have tried harder before they got the ring on their finger. Before then, all's fair. I know that now.

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Of course I'm a 32 yr old geek with limited social skills so I ain't exactly a catch myself.
At least you're realistic about it. If marriage is what you want, you're going to have to give up at least some of your "deal breakers". Those things work both ways, you know.

When I was about your age, I hooked up with some young ones: 18, 19...early 20s. While it was fun, there was a generation gap there that in the end was insurmountable. At my age now I don't have that problem any more...

One piece of advice that I heard was to find someone who's life is heading in the same direction as yours. Of course if your life is stalled at the moment, you need to take care of that first. I see that you're active in the political section. Tea Party, right? Try attending some events. Volunteer to host one at your house. That's a good way to break the ice and meet people who think like you do.

I don't know what hobbies or other interests you have, but it should go without saying that the ones that don't attract many women aren't likely to yield results. If you're short on hobbies, maybe it's time to pick a new one. Or take a night school class. Lots of middle aged folks in those.
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Old January 24th, 2013, 02:12 AM   #33 (permalink)
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If only more people had this attitude, that's why I waited until I was 35 to have a child, it's the unwanted, uncared for children that you usually see on the nightly news.

Yep, with no love, direction and guidance early in life from dedicated parents, a lot of them go the path of really bad things.
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Old January 24th, 2013, 06:52 AM   #34 (permalink)
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I've always been a believer in finding the one when you aren't looking.

Then again I'm the young 20-something who is in no rush
Yeah, I was that way w/the same philosophy when I was your age. Then I woke up at 32 all alone.

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Exactly, and there are FAAAAAAR to many unwanted and unloved kids in this world with piss poor excuses for fathers and I refuse to become part of that, even if it means I have to die alone. I'm better then that at least
Couldn't agree more. I hate, loathe, detest and despise people who have kids because they are lonely and want someone who will love them. I pity them as well to be honest. These unwanted kids grow up to be burdens on society in most cases and in a best case scenario end up saddled with long term emotional and psychological issues. I would never do that to a kid.

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At least you're realistic about it. If marriage is what you want, you're going to have to give up at least some of your "deal breakers". Those things work both ways, you know.
I don't disagree with that. It's a trade off. When you're younger you can wait around for someone who fills everything you're looking for. As you get older you get to the point where you take whatever happens to be left which is sad. It's true, but sad. You take whatever happens to be available and compromise what you wanted and you realize the person you're with is doing the same thing. Ugh. Like I said. Regrets.

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One piece of advice that I heard was to find someone who's life is heading in the same direction as yours. Of course if your life is stalled at the moment, you need to take care of that first. I see that you're active in the political section. Tea Party, right? Try attending some events. Volunteer to host one at your house. That's a good way to break the ice and meet people who think like you do.
This is part of the problem. I'm a fairly ambitious guy. That's how I got where I am. Most of the women I know are the type who want to get married, stay home and pop out 14 kids. There is nothing at all wrong with any of those things, but it's not the direction I want in my life. I want to travel, see the world, experience things and make a crap ton of money in the process.

Tea Party? Tea Party? I'm deeply offended to even be associated with such whack jobs (apologies to any whack jobs reading this). I'm a dyed in the wool Libertarian these days although back in my college days I would've fallen in with the Tea Party crowd. I have seen the light since then.

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I don't know what hobbies or other interests you have, but it should go without saying that the ones that don't attract many women aren't likely to yield results. If you're short on hobbies, maybe it's time to pick a new one. Or take a night school class. Lots of middle aged folks in those.
I have a few hobbies, but none that are chick magnets. I keep fish and have been known to dabble in writing. I am also trying to learn either the sax or the trumpet this year. I also read quite a few comic books and I'm into tech of course. None of these things attract the ladies sadly. I'm also active in my church, but the young ladies I meet there are of the very traditional variety. Nothing wrong with that, but I'm not the type to settle down, have a bunch of kids and live in suburbia.
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Old January 24th, 2013, 09:37 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: What have I done w/my life?

I've already said that I'm 53, I don't believe that you have to "settle" just because of age, there are plenty of warm and vibrant females my age who like myself got divorced or maybe widowed or like yourself put their careers before romantic fulfillment. The point being that it's never too late for romantic relationships without having to just settle.
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Old January 24th, 2013, 05:34 PM   #36 (permalink)
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I don't disagree with that. It's a trade off. When you're younger you can wait around for someone who fills everything you're looking for. As you get older you get to the point where you take whatever happens to be left which is sad. It's true, but sad. You take whatever happens to be available and compromise what you wanted and you realize the person you're with is doing the same thing. Ugh. Like I said. Regrets.
It's only sad if you choose to make it that way.

I don't think that you necessarily have to settle for less when you're older. But you do need to be realistic. Your chances of finding a 20-something hottie with no baggage whatsoever and would even notice you are about nil. I think it was Dave Barry who wrote something to the effect of "you know you're old when nubile young women don't ever look at you as a sexual being." Also, I was about your age the first time a young woman came up to me and addressed me as "sir". You can't turn back the clock, so move forward.

Like it or not, but women with kids from previous relationships has become the norm these days. I think it would be a shame to eliminate what could turn out to be a very nice match because of inflexible expectations.

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I want to travel, see the world, experience things and make a crap ton of money in the process.
So in other words, you want to live the life of the idle rich.

If the love of money is a top priority, then the ability to love and be loved by people can go away fast. Don't be surprised if you wake up one night and see the ghost of Jacob Marley paying you a visit.
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Old January 24th, 2013, 06:17 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Well, to be fair I was never going to find a 20 something hottie even when I was a 20 something. Maybe my expectation of not being a father is unreasonable. I just know that I have no business being a father. Unreasonable or not, it is what it is. We all have our limitations. That's one of mine. I'm not cut out to be a dad.

Yes, I would love to live the life of the idle rich. Why not? I've busted my hump and worked my butt off to get to where I am. Why not enjoy it? And why would people cut me off just because I'm successful?
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Old January 24th, 2013, 09:20 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Well, to be fair I was never going to find a 20 something hottie even when I was a 20 something. Maybe my expectation of not being a father is unreasonable. I just know that I have no business being a father. Unreasonable or not, it is what it is. We all have our limitations. That's one of mine. I'm not cut out to be a dad.
If it's not too personal, could you help me understand why you believe that?

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Yes, I would love to live the life of the idle rich. Why not? I've busted my hump and worked my butt off to get to where I am. Why not enjoy it? And why would people cut me off just because I'm successful?
Who's trying to "cut you off"?

AFAIK nobody's holding a gun to your head and forcing you to write this thread. I'm taking what you write at face value, and you say that you're not happy with your situation. The concept that you can't buy happiness is hardly an original thought. I though that the "why not" part was pretty obvious. Touring the world can be a lot more fun if you have someone special to share it with. And if you do have someone special, what they want is going to be important too.

If everything is hunky dory after all, why start the topic in the first place? IJS
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Old January 25th, 2013, 07:44 AM   #39 (permalink)
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If it's not too personal, could you help me understand why you believe that?
I'm not good w/kids. I have no patience for them. They speak in annoying high pitched voices, ask way too many questions and are short enough that they are below your normal line of vision so you can trip over them if you're not careful. Plus, they can be very needy. The fact that they're cute does not compensate for this. I am just not a kid person. Other people's kids I can sort of tolerate as long as they're well behaved, but some children are just little snots. Plus, they're basically walking germ buckets. And they cramp your life style to boot. I realize some people love kids and I say more power to them. Just not for me.
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Old January 25th, 2013, 12:48 PM   #40 (permalink)
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I'm not good w/kids. I have no patience for them. They speak in annoying high pitched voices, ask way too many questions and are short enough that they are below your normal line of vision so you can trip over them if you're not careful. Plus, they can be very needy. The fact that they're cute does not compensate for this. I am just not a kid person. Other people's kids I can sort of tolerate as long as they're well behaved, but some children are just little snots. Plus, they're basically walking germ buckets. And they cramp your life style to boot. I realize some people love kids and I say more power to them. Just not for me.
You say that now, but honestly.. after having one - EVERYTHING changes, including yourself. It has nothing to do with being selfish and all of the other things you've made apparently clear to the rest of us. It does have everything to do with finally having someone to show the ropes of life to, which for some may be a revelation because they usually never want the kid to see the things they had to, etc..
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Old January 25th, 2013, 03:31 PM   #41 (permalink)
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I'm not good w/kids. I have no patience for them. They speak in annoying high pitched voices, ask way too many questions and are short enough that they are below your normal line of vision so you can trip over them if you're not careful. Plus, they can be very needy. The fact that they're cute does not compensate for this. I am just not a kid person. Other people's kids I can sort of tolerate as long as they're well behaved, but some children are just little snots. Plus, they're basically walking germ buckets. And they cramp your life style to boot. I realize some people love kids and I say more power to them. Just not for me.
For the sake of perspective, how would you feel if you found out that people had such negative attitudes towards you? Would you agree and forever separate yourself from society? Would you think that you have some overriding qualities that make you worth someone's time?

I mean no offense by this, but it looks to me like you lack empathy. And that lack of empathy is going to drive a wedge between yourself and lots of people who could enrich your life. But because relationships of all types are a two-way street, as it stands, you're not capable of doing that. The lack of empathy would make you a parasite and put most or all of the burden of the relationship on the other person, and that's not fair. No self-respecting person would stand for that for long, and those who would would do so because of their own personal problems , which is a double-fail.

The bottom line is that unless you're willing to look beyond yourself, you're not likely to have any healthy relationships. I know that's a slap in the face, but I hope that you can take it in the spirit of my intentions, which is to be helpful.

This could be a real turning point in your life! A really big deal. Because of that, I think that you will be better served by going to a professional counselor, therapist, life coach etc. I think it's great that you broached the subject here. But it is something that's too important and personal to rely on a bunch of people on the Internet for a resolution.

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Old January 25th, 2013, 04:45 PM   #42 (permalink)
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to Speed D..wow!!..I wish there was a standing ovation button!
I posted hmmmm
last night because I really wanted to help .. but was getting frustrated and saddened by some of the posts, replies etc.. I was reading and I thought it best to just shut it..I didn't want to come across snippy or catty..(no pun intended)

I will add one thought though..

"It's not the problem that is the problem...It's your attitude about the problem that is the problem....understand?"
-Capt. Jack Sparrow
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Old January 25th, 2013, 05:14 PM   #43 (permalink)
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I haven't read all the responses so forgive me if I'm repeating. Here's my .02. Most people are gonna do what they're gonna do regardless of what other people say. Do what you think is best for you. If you meet someone fine, if not it sounds like you are doing just fine. I wouldn't sweat it that much. Being married isn't for everyone. I was married for 7 years and have been divorced for 19. I like the 19 better. I would pay my house off before I got married if you think that will keep you from that goal and if you do get married you should really get a prenup or all your hard work may be for nothing more than some others gain. Some of our female counter parts are quite sneaky and exceptional liars. I know first hand.
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Old January 25th, 2013, 05:44 PM   #44 (permalink)
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I haven't read all the responses so forgive me if I'm repeating. Here's my .02. Most people are gonna do what they're gonna do regardless of what other people say. Do what you think is best for you. If you meet someone fine, if not it sounds like you are doing just fine. I wouldn't sweat it that much. Being married isn't for everyone. I was married for 7 years and have been divorced for 19. I like the 19 better. I would pay my house off before I got married if you think that will keep you from that goal and if you do get married you should really get a prenup or all your hard work may be for nothing more than some others gain. Some of our female counter parts are quite sneaky and exceptional liars. I know first hand.
hmmmmmmmm
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Old January 25th, 2013, 06:08 PM   #45 (permalink)
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Default Re: What have I done w/my life?

The bottom line is that nothing will change unless you decide to change it, if all you want to do at this point in your life is to further your career and make money that's fine, but wishing for the perfect mate to just appear in your life especially with your defeatist attitude regarding your ability to be appealing. Some women are looking for a successful person, some are going for looks and others for warmth and intelligence, same as us. If you keep doing the same thing then the same thing is going to continue happening, get out of your comfort zone and take a chance on change. Taking the well traveled road is seldom exciting.

Good luck dude, OB
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Old January 25th, 2013, 07:26 PM   #46 (permalink)
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So, I have now read all the responses because I'm bored and would like to help. Have you tried Facebook? That's where I met my current girlfriend. She is someone I went to school with and we seem to be getting along very well. Yes, there is some family drama but I think she's worth it. I'm not understanding something however; you say you're an introvert but you don't want a shy, quiet girl. Maybe I'm missing something or just don't understand that statement.
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Old January 25th, 2013, 07:30 PM   #47 (permalink)
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hmmmmmmmm
Hmmmm
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Old January 25th, 2013, 08:17 PM   #48 (permalink)
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Default Re: What have I done w/my life?

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I kind of question single women in their 30s and wonder why they are still on the market. Yes, the bargain looks like a good one, but I wonder if there's something hiding.
I hope you're prepared for them thinking the same about you.

Advice to a buddy if you'll have it - I think that you're maybe overthinking the whole gold digger thing.

I think most people are looking for companionship, not money.

People have a way of sorting each other out. I don't think that's gender specific, but I do think that women are more effective at it.

If it helps any, I have a very close friend much like you. Stayed that way until his late 40s. Met his wife of over a dozen years now on the job. (He couldn't stand retirement so he went back to work because he liked it.)

I asked him about his thoughts on her being a gold digger and how she got him past that. Answer was that he was so busy proving that he wasn't settling or slumming that it just didn't seem important any more.

My point - there's nothing wrong, in my opinion, with setting standards when you're on the couples market. But it's not a market you can plan out. Your house, car or furniture didn't choose you back when you considered them.

You've thought about what you don't want, kids and gold diggers. Think about what you want.

And think more about what you have to offer. If it's only money and security then the ones you'll attract may be exactly what you may not want. Then again, they may be exactly what you need for all I know. Which I don't.

But I do think it's important to think about what you bring to the table rather than worry about what they'll take.

I'll stop there, two cents worth if you want it.
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Old January 25th, 2013, 08:18 PM   #49 (permalink)
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One last thing before I turn in for the night. I got the two best things that ever happened to me from my being married to someone I should not have. My two girls are awesome and I couldn't be prouder of them. I love my kids and wouldn't change a thing about that part of my life.
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EarlyMon (January 25th, 2013), NYCHitman1 (January 25th, 2013), OverByter (January 25th, 2013), Speed Daemon (January 25th, 2013)
Old January 25th, 2013, 08:19 PM   #50 (permalink)
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While I was writing what is now a useless side-comment, Early came in and said a lot of very wise stuff. Well done, old man!
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Last edited by Speed Daemon; January 25th, 2013 at 08:25 PM.
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