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Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once beat the sun in a staring contest

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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.[/FONT]
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.[/FONT]
 
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Chuck Norris was on Deal or No Deal the bankers first offer was $1 million dollars, never try to bargin with Chuck Norris.

It is an obvious fact that Chuck Norris has been to Mars, seeing as there is absolutely NO life on Mars.

Chuck Norris once won the title of Iron Chef by cooking instant ramen noodles

Chuck Norris has never been rickrolled in Youtube.

There is no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just really hates trailer parks.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to mow his lawn, He dares the grass to grow.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris got into a knife fight. The knife lost.

Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow. His shadow isn't stupid enough to follow him around.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

When Chuck Norris chops an onion, the onion cries.

When Chuck Norris gets bit by a vampire, the vampire turns into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
 
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Chuck Norris was on Deal or No Deal the bankers first offer was $1 million dollars, never try to bargin with Chuck Norris.

It is an obvious fact that Chuck Norris has been to Mars, seeing as there is absolutely NO life on Mars.

Chuck Norris once won the title of Iron Chef by cooking instant ramen noodles

Chuck Norris has never been rickrolled in Youtube.

There is no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just really hates trailer parks.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to mow his lawn, He dares the grass to grow.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris got into a knife fight. The knife lost.

Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow. His shadow isn't stupid enough to follow him around.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

When Chuck Norris chops an onion, the onion cries.

When Chuck Norris gets bit by a vampire, the vampire turns into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
whether this stuff came right off the dome or from the link, this [expletives ] is fuuunnny LOL.
 
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Chuck Norris once sneezed.... then the Universe was created.

Chuck Norris had sex with himself... nine seconds later God was born.

Once Chuck Norris entered a restaurant, it went from a 1 star McDonalds to a 15 star high end restaurant....

How many Chuck Norris' does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, he can see in the dark and prefers killing in it.

Chuck Norris owns a G1, it singlehandedly kicks ass and beats the Nexus One, the Droid 2, The DX, the DI, the Evo 4G, the Entire Galaxy S line, all of HTC phone's ever, and the Dell Streak. Oh, and the reason he doesn't use it is because Steve Jobs is secretly renting it for $5k a second.
 
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.[/FONT]
 
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When God said let there be light, Chuck Norris said say please.

Chuck Norris counted to Infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris was supposed to play the lead role in Mission: Impossible. He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the tittle wouldn't make any sense.

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

A blind man ran into Chuck Norris and got his sight back. Unfortunately, the first and last thing he saw was a roundhouse kick to the face.

When Chuck Norris stares at the Sun, the Sun goes blind.

Chuck Norris hears sign language

Chuck Norris once ran a marathon backwards...just to see what second place looks like.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

whenever Chuck Norris tells a lie it instantly becomes Fact

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

Chuck Norris doesn't jump he stares at gravity and it changes direction.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

There is no Escape button in Chuck Norris's computer because Chuck Norris escapes from nobody.
 
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Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin he built with his own hands.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.

Chuck Norris can hear silence.

Similar to a russian nesting doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open, you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.

It's no use crying over spilled milk. Unless it's Chuck Norris' milk, because then your gonna die.

Chuck Norris is the only person to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris can mix oil and vinegar, permanently.

Chuck Norris played russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindness and possibly foot sized bruises on the face.
 
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Chuck Norris Can Kiss My Ass! Let's See If That Works! (Caps And Insult!) No Actual Insult Intended?

Damn It! He Came Too Early!

Those who speak ill of Chuck Norris will really be the most hated on AF.....

If i were you i would run for as fast as you can for as long as you can, though it won't help because Chuck Norris already knows where you will be.
 
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