CAUTION: SUGGESTIVE CONTENT. MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR ALL AUDIENCES. Spoiler It's been a difficult year. For months I've waited. Constantly being teased...repeatedly...mercilessly. Will it happen today? Please? But no. My friends say I should have left you long ago, but I would not. Over and over again my advances have been spurned. I've laid awake many sleepless nights wanting so badly to consummate the deep personal relationship we share, but you've coyly said no despite the throbbing foner that trembled in my loins. But today is different! Today you whispered those loving words my eyes have longed to read: "Update Available". I tried to pretend I didn't care as I raced to the nearest WiFi access. My fingers deftly traced the path that has lead so many times to heartache and frustration, and there it was. With nervous excitement I touched you, and you eagerly responded. "Downloading". Oh yeah baby, take it. Take it ALL. I watched in amazement as you welcomed it inside so easily. And then, blackness. Seconds passed as you caught your breath and prepared for what was next. I stood ready, waiting. A glimmer of what was to come - a playful little cartoon that went on for minutes, assured me that you still care and had not gone away. My passion increased as I watched the yellow progress bar at the bottom building with anticipation. Faster and faster we moved together as you deftly worked your magic. My pulse pounded and tears streamed down my face as I watched. Finally with all the pent-up emotion of the past year, I couldn't hold on any longer as I released my grip and you majestically burst forth in all your glory. We collapsed on my desk together, spent and warming in the afterglow. We are now one. Our relationship has moved on to the next level. Your warm embrace comforts me as you rest inside my pants pocket, casually stroking my body as you remind me of your willingness. With the slightest touch now, you're connected and ready. I struggle to find my way around this new life together, but thankful that I was patient enough to wait. As I look back on our time together, I'm amazed at how we've grown. It was hard, but it's the difficulties in life that build relationships. Over the next few months I know that we'll play and laugh together and we'll share moments that only the two of us can. The excitement may not always be as intense as it once was, but the passion we shared will live for a lifetime. And then someday, I'll throw you in the trash and get another one.