inappropriate behavior what can be done?

[pbf98]

I am currently the most annoyed and upset I have ever been I will hide the whole story as it may get long and some of you may not choose to want to read it.

To me its a little more than a rant and just want some advice of what to do or what can be done

Spoiler

My fiance has an older brother age 18, and a younger sister age 13. She also has two step brothers, one age 16 and one age 18, they have always been from the first day i met them nothing but trouble. I got my fiance out of her moms /step dad's house because I wanted to get started on our life together and wanted to get her away from some of the negative things that she would tell me. Now two weeks after her being gone the 16 y/o step brother did something so horrible it makes me sick and just gets me mad. At midnight a few nights ago he went into the his step sister's room and started black mailing her saying if she didn't do what he wanted he would tell her mom and step dad all the boys she likes.. the thing he wanted from her was nothing but bad, and it didn't happen because she immediately ran down to her mom and told her what had happened. Both her mom and step dad were furious with him, and he then told them he was only joking. The next morning his dad brought him to his moms and told her what happened and that he was not going to be allowed over. A couple hours go by and the dad gets a phone call from his oldest son. The older step brother then started saying that his step sister was the one that was demanding everything (after his brother had already admitted to it being a joke). After the conversation he thought his son didn't do anything.. Later that day they get another call from the his mom and she was saying that is was because they step sister is boy crazy and is a bad influence (While she is a straight A student and does nothing in her free time but read). And again later that day they got another call from the mom and this time she changed her story saying it was only meant to be a joke, dropping the whole blame the step sister story, which she would later pick up once again.

The thing that just keeps getting me annoyed is how the stepdad is taking his sons side just because of that reason.. its his son. When you compare the things the two of them have gotten in trouble for the sister: using her moms makeup with out permission, not doing chores when she's told.. the step brother: threatening younger kids in school that his cousin will beat them up, harassing girls, not listening to either parent.. and last weekend he was even brought home in a police car for what I don't know but I know it was another stupid act..
I just can't wrap my head around how he takes his ex wifes word over his step daughter who he has been extremely protective of for the past 7 years, before this one wouldn't know she wasn't his daughter because of how protective he was.. but he always sides with his kids.

I just don't know what to do about the whole issue, because I just can't drop it because every time I do, my fiance tells me another thing thats going on with it. The only charges I know of that can be place against him is maybe extortion and what will that do to a 16y/o? not a whole lot I can imagine. Even if he did this as a joke neither parent should treat the issue lightly

 

[dan330]

tell him directly... if he does this again.. you will call the cops and file charges. he will spend time in jail. prisoners do not like sex offenders and torment them.

and he will be listed as a sex offender for life! he will then have to report where he lives and works. future potential gf will do a google search and it will come up.

 

[AndyfromVA]

Ignore him. Your fiance's family has strained relationships as does every step family.
You and your fiance focus on your own relationship. When you decide to move in together, get a place as far as possible from her family.

 

[dan330]

Ignore him. Your fiance's family has strained relationships as does every step family.
You and your fiance focus on your own relationship. When you decide to move in together, get a place as far as possible from her family.

and how will you feel.. after ignoring it.. and hearing that the sister got raped? you could have made a difference.

me.. I cant live with that...

 

[AndyfromVA]

After reading the facts again I see that there was more going on than I thought initially. I agree, this type of thing can't be ignored.

 

[jonbanjo]

I don't envy your position.

I can't help but feel that you need do be certain in your mind as to what is going on (one way it's a lad's life, the other your girlfriend unsupported and not believed - neither (unjustly) is right).

I'd suggest questioning yourself just in case but if you really are convinced there is rape or menace of rape involved I believe it should be a matter for the police.

 

[Bob Maxey]

and how will you feel.. after ignoring it.. and hearing that the sister got raped? you could have made a difference.

me.. I cant live with that...

Call the police and ask them to investigate! Try living with the idea that perhaps you could have prevented something bad from happening. Trust me, it will live in your brain until the day you pass on.

You do not confront him first; you call the police and ask questions.

 

[pbf98]

There is no evidence that there was physical contact of any kind, only words and the action of blackmail.
I have been talking with her mom and told her if they keep insisting that it was her daughters fault that she was the one saying all the bad things, to just tell them you better have your facts straight for court. One slip up there with your story can ruin your whole case.
But because there was no physical contact that was reported or can be proved, what is there to bring up charges with? Just extortion? or can it go deeper with sexual harassment with the context of the blackmail? And since he's a juvenile at the age of 16 wouldn't the penalties be less?

This is just a big mess, I can't get close to the kid after this, and I am a very easy person to get along with, I don't hate anyone, but this act and seeing how his parents are dealing with it just angers me basically approving of his behavior..

 

[dan330]

yeah.. there is not much can be done to him yet.. but the point is to make a stand so nothing will happen. he needs to know there are adults standing behind her. that might be enough to keep it from escalating.

side thought..
your fianc

 

[pbf98]

We both have the same stance. Because her sister is not living with us, there is not much we can do, I said I would take action and get the law involved, but her mom didn't want that.. so with that, I am unsure of what really I can do except offer my thoughts as I have been doing. The only ones behind her sister are My Fiance, her mom, her real brother and myself. Her step dad sees what happened as a joke and plans to do absolutely nothing about it.

 

[funkylogik]

No offence, devils advocate here but females have been known to lie too. Youre hearing one side of the story and getting angry over it. Dont wana be patronising but you learn to think deeper than gut first reaction as you get older, wait it out a bit and when some DEFINATE evidence appears, then you react in the best way you know.
Hope the wee girl is ok though. peace

 

[dan330]

We both have the same stance. Because her sister is not living with us, there is not much we can do, I said I would take action and get the law involved, but her mom didn't want that.. so with that, I am unsure of what really I can do except offer my thoughts as I have been doing. The only ones behind her sister are My Fiance, her mom, her real brother and myself. Her step dad sees what happened as a joke and plans to do absolutely nothing about it.

I would still talk to him directly.. one on one.
let him know.. who are standing behind her. and that if anything happens.. you will lead the charge... bring every legal option to bear on him.

let him know.. he if he does.. he will pay.. and pay.. and pay!

 

[dan330]

No offence, devils advocate here but females have been known to lie too. Youre hearing one side of the story and getting angry over it. Dont wana be patronising but you learn to think deeper than gut first reaction as you get older, wait it out a bit and when some DEFINATE evidence appears, then you react in the best way you know.
Hope the wee girl is ok though. peace

sure.. there is a possibility .. he is innocent.. and it was "just a joke"

1. he should be made to understand.. JOKES of this nature are not tolerated too!

2. if is he innocent.. then nothing will come of this.. and water under the bridge.

 

[jonbanjo]

I may be getting it wrong but I don't think funkylogic is in any way suggesting that a guy saying he's going to get his way can be remotely considered as funny.

People can say stupid things though and I think funkylogics post was probably along the same lines of my thinking.

Number 2, you are quite wrong on. The guy will probably have to live with "no smoke without fire"

I still think be careful about the accusation but if you really do believe something bad happened or could happen, you have to go to the police.

 

[funkylogik]

No i dont think any of it is funny man :thumbup:
I just think that a young girl who feels "abandoned" and put in a situation where she maybe feels forgotten and not in control "could" maybe get into a habit of telling stories that make people who care about her, show their concern/attention and that could become compulsive/addictive to her.
I just think people shouldnt jump straight to conclusions because thats how people get hurt badly

 

[pbf98]

Judging by the boys history that I know, and the other details I do know of the situation I would say with out a doubt she isn't lying. Yes she has lied before, but as mentioned in the story the things she lies about are small things that only involve herself. She is known for telling the truth in situations where she witnessed what happened to something, or if someone did something they were told not to do.

I do see what you were trying to get at though.

It sounds as if I will have to be face to face with the kid on the 4th, so we will see what comes of it, if he is there.

 

[funkylogik]

Cool well if man to man with him (people may disagree with this so im sorry), if there are no kids or old people around and you honestly look in his eyes and see the bad stuff then let that "trigger" in your brain fire and hit and keep hittin him the hardest and fastest you can with every part of your body until people pull you off. Just be sure its worth it before putting yourself in that position

 

[jonbanjo]

I actually disagree with funkylogic on this one. I know they can get things wrong but I believe that our attempts at justice systems are better than vigilante (if that's where you may be heading).

 

[funkylogik]

Yeah sorry i shouldnt even hint at encouraging that typa thing man. Trust me, i could pm you a story of exactly why you should walk away from putting yourself in a position where youre not gona be able to stop yourself from imposing your own form of justice and trust me.. in most cases it just is not worth it :beer:

 

[dan330]

nothing has actually been committed yet... so using violence at this time would be counter productive and not be advised.

I am only suggesting .. let him know.. violence will come. and legal action too

 

[EarlyMon]

nothing has actually been committed yet... so using violence at this time would be counter productive and not be advised.

I am only suggesting .. let him know.. violence will come. and legal action too

You keep saying that.

In many jurisdictions, that's assault on a minor.

I'm a big advocate of not breaking the law - and besides, threats rarely do anything other than provide ammunition.

 

[dan330]

You keep saying that.

In many jurisdictions, that's assault on a minor.

I'm a big advocate of not breaking the law - and besides, threats rarely do anything other than provide ammunition.

What do you suggest the op do?

This bully is a coward..and Will most likely back off..faced with a real danger

 

[EarlyMon]

What do you suggest the op do?

This bully is a coward..and Will most likely back off..faced with a real danger

I agree with you completely - it's a good question.

 

[funkylogik]

Catch him on camera. Use android to your advantage :thumbup: