Joke Fred


Last Updated:

  1. Ageless Stranger

    Ageless Stranger Well-Known Member This Topic's Starter

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2008
    Messages:
    699
    Likes Received:
    49
    I don't think we have one, so here goes.

    A delivery man breaks down on the interstate, and flags down Paddy and says to him "I have 6 monkeys in the back, I will give you $100 if you take them to the zoo for me". Well, Paddy agrees and two hours later the delivery guy sees Paddy driving in the opposite direction with the monkeys still in the back. So he flags Paddy down and says "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo", Paddy replies "I did but I had 30 bucks left over so Im taking them to the movies".
     

    Advertisement
  2. N3TWORK BURN3R

    N3TWORK BURN3R Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2008
    Messages:
    554
    Likes Received:
    7
    [​IMG]
    :p
     
  3. Ageless Stranger

    Ageless Stranger Well-Known Member This Topic's Starter

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2008
    Messages:
    699
    Likes Received:
    49
    <translated>
    Why? Maybe they think, the recent Department of Man buttons too strict a bar!
    </translated>

    They have a department of man buttons?
     
  4. basic 101 user

    basic 101 user Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Messages:
    511
    Likes Received:
    756
    "The Dredge" says........"If this works like I hope, you can all blame @olbriar for pointing the way"!!!:p:D

    Mind yer' manners, folks......... I know myself well enough to know that if you lead me into sin, I will surely follow.;)

    Why is a giraffe's neck so long?




    Because his head is so damn far from his body.
     
  5. no one

    no one Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2010
    Messages:
    605
    Likes Received:
    1,629
    Two guys walk into a bar.......























    .....and the third one ducks.
     
    bcrichster and basic 101 user like this.
  6. olbriar

    olbriar Moderator Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2010
    Messages:
    16,685
    Likes Received:
    10,548
    Not the tread I was talking about but hey, I see no reason why it won't work. :)
     
  7. basic 101 user

    basic 101 user Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Messages:
    511
    Likes Received:
    756
    It didn't work in 2009, why would it work any better now?:p

    [​IMG]
    I got a million of 'em..................................................And nobody wants none of 'em!
     
  8. basic 101 user

    basic 101 user Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Messages:
    511
    Likes Received:
    756
    Standard Operating Procedure..........Every one is a rip-off; I'll let ya' know in the highly unlikely event I ever come up with an original.:p
    In one form or another, most have been around forever........
    A shiny nickle to any of my friends who can tell me the original source for any one of the rip-offs.

    First one easy, (until I learn better):


    "I tellya..........I know I'm ugly.

    When Halloween comes around, kids knock on my door.

    I open it up, they reach in their bags, and they hand me candy.
     
  9. no one

    no one Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2010
    Messages:
    605
    Likes Received:
    1,629
    Did you hear about the blonde coyote?







    She chewed off 3 legs, and was still stuck in the trap.
     
    shalemail, Jfalls63 and The_Chief like this.
  10. The_Chief

    The_Chief Accept no imitations! Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2009
    Messages:
    12,268
    Likes Received:
    11,696
    Just because you are "old" doesn't necessarily make you "stupid"!!

    The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the door of the American Legion Post. A ragged, old, retired Navy Chief was standing near its edge with a fishing line in the puddle.

    A curious young Air Force fighter pilot, recently discharged, came over to him and asked what he was doing.

    "Fishing," the old Chief simply said.

    Poor old fool, the Air Force officer thought to himself, and he invited the old Navy Chief into the bar for a drink.

    Since he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the haughty fighter pilot asked, "And how many have you caught today?"

    "Well, you're number ten," the old Chief answered. “2 Air Force, 3 Army, 5 Marines.”

    :D
     
    shalemail, Hadron, bcrichster and 5 others like this.
  11. basic 101 user

    basic 101 user Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Messages:
    511
    Likes Received:
    756
    ^^^^^^^^
    See, now that almost has the ring of a real life experience, turned into a story, then polished into a joke.......which makes me laugh!

    That's one possible definition of a "good joke".

    I'm betting there's at least a little real life experience in there, well done.:D
     
    Jfalls63 and The_Chief like this.
  12. basic 101 user

    basic 101 user Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Messages:
    511
    Likes Received:
    756
    And P.S.

    Having freely said everything I intend to post is stolen, unless otherwise indicated.........

    Please do claim authorship when appropriate; We should know, and you deserve to let us know!:)
     
    The_Chief likes this.
  13. basic 101 user

    basic 101 user Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Messages:
    511
    Likes Received:
    756
    HEY!!!!!!

    You know the best thing about mind altering drugs????????

    I don't either, but gimmie' more, 'cause I damn sure can't lose what I never had in the first place.:D

    CREDIT: HS/JM/BW
     
    olbriar and The_Chief like this.
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2016
    #13
  14. LV426

    LV426 Well-Known Member VIP Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2015
    Messages:
    2,478
    Likes Received:
    3,146
    Oh yes, please do. I sometimes think all the original thoughts have been used up. :)

    But it's quite refreshing when one comes along. A bit like a new and catchy song tune.
     
  15. basic 101 user

    basic 101 user Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Messages:
    511
    Likes Received:
    756
    I always have one eye open for jokes I can hand to my 7 year old nephew. He's been running around for weeks now, "torturing" all of us with his little joke book.

    I think I can get this one past his mother:

    A penguin waddles into the police station, she's all excited.
    "Officer, you gotta' help me find my husband, he's missing!"

    OK, calm down.........First of all, what does he look like?

    My sister in law won't go for this next one......(But I might tell it to him anyway, I'm "That" Uncle.):D


    A drunk comes stumbling out of a bar, he flags down a cab.
    He shuffles over, sticks his head in the passenger side window, and asks the driver:

    "Hey, you got room in the front seat for two six packs, and a large pizza?"
    "Of course", said the driver.
    "BBlluaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagghhhhhh":spitoutdroid::spitoutdroid::spitoutdroid:


    I'm sure I can sink much lower, :rolleyes:at some point they will all need to go behind spoilers.:D
     
  16. basic 101 user

    basic 101 user Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Messages:
    511
    Likes Received:
    756
    Little kid, on the beach..............
    He's lost and crying, he finds a police officer..........

    "Mister, can you help me find my parents?"

    The cop looks me up and down, and says.......

    "I dunno', kid.......There's a lot of places they could be hiding!"
    :D
     
    shalemail, psionandy and olbriar like this.
  17. basic 101 user

    basic 101 user Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2016
    Messages:
    511
    Likes Received:
    756
  18. The_Chief

    The_Chief Accept no imitations! Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2009
    Messages:
    12,268
    Likes Received:
    11,696
    Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one. I just had another fight with the little woman."

    "Oh yeah?" said Charlie. "And how did this one end?"

    "When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."

    "Really?" said Charles. "Now, that's a switch! What did she say?"

    She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little coward!"

    :D
     
    Unforgiven, shalemail, Kaat72 and 3 others like this.

Share This Page

Loading...