Pakistan has never really been a country. Even prior to partition from India, the entire region was a collection of disparate peoples and national identities which had been thrown together by somewhat arbitrary demarcations by the british. when india split up pakistan simply kept much of the borders created by britain. the people within those borders, however, ended up spread over various countries or thrown together inside of artificial boundries they didn't necessarily call their own country. To this day this has plagued politics within pakistan (and many other former colonial countries), and is largely responsible for the creation of today's conditions, in which one groups of people (or people from one area of the country) tend to dominated politics, the military and the economy, while people from another get the shaft. This is n't the only reason and it is largely an oversimplification, but in many ways this is what you have going on.
When we enlist pakistan to help us in afghanistan, we are really enlisting the help of only part of the government and part of the military. Many officials in both and much of the country remains relatively hostile to us and even to their own government.
I agree that our policies leave something to be desired, but what is the alternative? We could excercise a scorched earth policy and simply shoot everyone into submission. that is a proven and effective solution, but you better be prepared to maintain the status quo you create for a long while and at the barrel of a gun. engagement and education also work, and tends to be self sustaining., but only when people adopt it. even then results are slow going and not guaranteed.
I don't know, Personally I think that as distateful as it sounds, afghanistan might just be one of those places (the horn of africa being another), where wielding the biggest stick and swinging it openly and regularly is the best option - at least until you've subdued the place and had enough time to build infrastructure, markets, stable institutions and educated a generation of leaders enough to help change their mindset.
