• After 15+ years, we've made a big change: Android Forums is now Early Bird Club. Learn more here.

Social anxiety discussion

rootabaga

Android Expert
Aug 11, 2014
2,908
7,986
Crazyville, CA
Moderator note: This thread was spun off from the Funny Pictures thread. It's worthy of discussion, but not necessarily funny.


This is not really a picture, but it built a hilarious picture in my head of the most socially-awkward person...so I'm sharing it.

This is a guy talking about someone he has a crush on:

"She works at a supermarket near me, I said hi one time and have since avoided using it because I'm not the best with repeated social interaction."
 
Last edited by a moderator:
This is not really a picture, but it built a hilarious picture in my head of the most socially-awkward person...so I'm sharing it.

This is a guy talking about someone he has a crush on:

"She works at a supermarket near me, I said hi one time and have since avoided using it because I'm not the best with repeated social interaction."

Is this an actual person you know? With great respect, people who don't suffer from extreme social difficulties can't understand how crippling this condition is. There's nothing funny about it, and such people need your support and patience.
 
Upvote 0
Moooommmmm ... he's touching my nerve! :p

As one who has suffered with depression, anxiety and panic disorder all my life (sometimes to the point of hospitalization) I thought it was funny, mostly because I did that on several occasions. However ... if you think there are kind and thoughtful attorneys ... *passes the Prozac®*

Now back to funny pictures:

health-beauty-bulltoon-insane_asylum-bovine-bull-mammal-jhen137_low.jpg
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0
Ah no problem it was a knee jerk reaction and I apologise. Just that with everything that happened with my daughter, and the complete lack of understanding from just about everyone involved who were supposed to help her, and people generally shrugging off mental/social problems as just something to 'get over' (ffs like you can change your personality just like that!), I really think 99% of people don't understand the problems. Even those who claim they do.
 
Upvote 0
... complete lack of understanding from just about everyone involved who were supposed to help her, and people generally shrugging off mental/social problems as just something to 'get over' ...

Oh man, I can't tell you how many times I've been told to "get over myself". Normally it's just something I shrug off to ignorance, but when it comes from either a professional or a family member it really hurts and NEVER helps. You know what helps? Not much. :(
 
  • Like
Reactions: MrJavi
Upvote 0
Oh man, I can't tell you how many times I've been told to "get over myself". Normally it's just something I shrug off to ignorance, but when it comes from either a professional or a family member it really hurts and NEVER helps. You know what helps? Not much. :(

With the danger of straying into off topicness, but anyway.. the "get over yourself" attitude is common. Just because someone is really bright, and academically capable, doesn't mean they have that same level of social skill (and it is a kind of skill) and confidence. All too often we had this reaction, from teachers who should have the experience to know better. Very disheartening, and you feel that if the professionals don't get it, what chance is there of anyone else understanding?
You see people who are naturally good at socialising and just relating to other people, can not possibly understand the level of anxiety and self-consciousness that others feel. It's truly debilitating, and affects all aspects of life.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Upvote 0
As you all can see, this was moved out of the funny pictures thread.

All too often we had this reaction, from teachers who should have the experience to know better. Very disheartening, and you feel that if the professionals don't get it, what chance is there of anyone else understanding?

It's like trying to explain what a migraine feels like to someone who's never had one. It's not just a bad headache, but it affects those who suffer from them differently. I don't know that I can fault teachers or even MD's if they aren't trained in psychology beyond the general courses they had in medical school.

A lot of people try to suggest fixes or push those who have anxiety disorders into uncomfortable situations, which most times amplify the feelings of failure and fear, rather than assuaging them. I do think they mean well, but simply can't understand.

Look at it this way. It's like someone who really enjoys eating peanuts insisting that you try a peanut without understanding the difference between someone who doesn't particularly like peanuts and someone who is deathly allergic to them.

Talking about it with people who do understand helps (me). If he's got the time, I'd like @Stinky Stinky to weigh in on the subject, for reasons he is under no obligation to share. :)
 
Upvote 0
Thanks @lunatic59 It's probably a difficult thing for people to talk about, but I would welcome a discussion on the subject to help my daughter, who is having difficulty coping with social anxiety, on top of just being a teenager, which as we all know can be a hellish time.

And if I'm honest, it's taken me 40+ years to achieve a state where I'm approximately comfortable some of the time, in social interactions with people. Fine with people I know really well, but I'm soooo self-conscious. I think the condition never really resolves itself, you just learn to live with it.

I agree that pushing someone into these situations is not particularly helpful. I like the peanut analogy. Problem is with social anxiety, avoiding the situation isn't really great, because that can lead to isolation. And there's the dilemma, because how do you improve someone's social skills, if there is nobody to talk with, nobody wants to talk? You cannot manufacture friendships.

It would help to find like-minded people for my daughter, but this means making special trips to support groups, and there is nobody she can hang out with living locally to us.
 
  • Like
Reactions: kct1975
Upvote 0
I feel for your daughter @LV426 . Most of my attempts at social interaction in my teen years were disasters. I never went to a dance or a prom and was only involved in stuff by being on the AV crew in school (the archetypal nerd/geek). Hell, I only had one date in high school which ended with the girl leaving with someone else. I blamed myself. I spent a good deal of my time alone, until I met a girl in college at which point I became completely dependent (looking back, it was probably codependency) until she dumped me ... for a professor.

If you watch The Big Bang Theory, I can relate to Rajesh and the Lucy character played by Kate Micucci. The fear of screwing things up always screws things up. My father suffered from what today might have been diagnosed as bipolar disorder, but then it was just "mental illness". He had a strong flight instinct to the point when things got too stressful he'd just leave. Many times we had no idea where he was or when he'd be back ... if he'd come back. Sometimes it was just hiding ... sometimes it was worse.

I look in the mirror some mornings and I see my father. It scares the s$%^$t out of me.

Don't knock isolation. I crave it sometimes. Life is so much easier without people. On the other hand loneliness is all it's cracked up to be. It's a conundrum.

Telling someone to "get over" something like SAD is like telling the late Robin Williams to "feel better." The deeply depressed person can't even really process that kind of a thought. That's the root hopelessness of the depressive spiral: That things just won't get better, and the victim feels powerless to change that.

BTW, I'd like to think I always tried to be that kind of attorney ;)

Robin Williams was a tragic genius. Often time you find those who excel in their fields ... particularly the creative ones ... suffer from some form of anxiety or depression. I've read the statements from the family and while it would provide some sort of closure to blame his condition on a rare, but diagnosable and clinical condition, I don't buy it. Suicide is one of those things that you never really will have any answers to. I've had far too much experience in that regard.

The question of what to do about it is duplicitous. From the perspective of the sufferer, if you look for relief from the medical community, the first thing they do is chemical. Frankly I've never had any relief from anxiety medications, and I've tried them all. Of course others do find effective drug therapy (maybe the placebo effect, but that's just my cynical nature). From the perspective of those around the sufferer who do want to help, what do you do? I know that to them, it appears that nothing they do helps. They try ... they don't try, lay it on thick or use kid gloves. Perhaps the "get over yourself" or "you need to ..." comments are born of frustration, but they don't really understand that those kinds of things, while easy for them to dismiss, ring in the ears of the people they are hurting long after they've forgotten it.

I wish I had an easy fix, but if I did, I'd use it on me first.

BTW, some of my best friends are attorney's. :p
 
Upvote 0
Well I must say I feel for your daughter LV426.

When I tried to help it was genuinely because I seriously cared and was concerned even if I might not understand 100% I will give 100% of what I am... I have had some serious issues in my own life espcially a key point - my adolescence period.

If you think your daughter's problem is bad (which it seriously isn't! sometimes it's good to hear things from another perspective!)

I only matriculated in my mid 20's kind of thing... why you ask? Well I had been doing fine until my late teens... I started "slipping" off into another kind of world... I was a straight A student... but things changed...

I started to feel "paranoid" and delusional ... I started closing my doors and seeing thins that were not there.... my family was very concerned so they sent me off to the "professionals" and I was diagnosed with schizophrenia... both negative and positive symptoms - a very scary combo.

I have attempted suicide more times than I can count. I have been locked up in a "semi" asylum as I was deemed "unstable". I was such a lovely person until the psychotic break... or what is called a "nervous breakdown" back in the day...

I was pulled out of school as I was deemed as "dangerous" as I got into a lot of fights with people... only later did I come back... everyone become very scared of me...

So yes your daughter has it bad but try to look at it this way... your grass is I believe greener. :)
 
  • Like
Reactions: lunatic59
Upvote 0
Don't knock isolation. I crave it sometimes. Life is so much easier without people. On the other hand loneliness is all it's cracked up to be. It's a conundrum.

:) I'm actually ok with my own company, in fact it's probably the main difference I see between myself and my daughter. That's why my social isolation was bearable. I'm the classic introvert, who finds social interaction mentally draining, most of the time.
My daughter though, craves friends. Someone she can call a best friend. But from what I've observed, the kids at school seem to be like social butterflies, flitting from one person to the next. They function in social groups, and nobody appears to have a monopoly on anyone else's time. There's no one-to-one friendships. Well actually there probably are, it's just that my daughter was unlucky in not finding one.

Just saw your post Stinky, and sorry to hear about your problems. It was fears about deteriorating mental health that led us to take the actions we did. If we'd left my daughter in school, I really believe we would have been looking at her becoming suicidal. It's for her well being that we removed her from that toxic environment. We're trying everything we can think of to improve her state of mind and happiness. We were proactive, when nobody else could see the track she was on, but we could. Hopefully we've averted that awful destination.

I recently read somewhere that the most common cause of death in 13-19 year olds in the UK is suicide. I'm guessing that school pressures, either academic or social form a large part of that misery. And don't you think that schools would be more geared up for addressing these type of problems? They either ignore them, or have no idea how to deal with them. You see, they mostly don't care, being too wrapped up in attendance figures and exam results. Ultimately it's the parent's responsibility to step in and take action, when it comes to mental health issues.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Member243850
Upvote 0
The question of what to do about it is duplicitous. From the perspective of the sufferer, if you look for relief from the medical community, the first thing they do is chemical. Frankly I've never had any relief from anxiety medications, and I've tried them all. Of course others do find effective drug therapy (maybe the placebo effect, but that's just my cynical nature). From the perspective of those around the sufferer who do want to help, what do you do? I know that to them, it appears that nothing they do helps. They try ... they don't try, lay it on thick or use kid gloves. Perhaps the "get over yourself" or "you need to ..." comments are born of frustration, but they don't really understand that those kinds of things, while easy for them to dismiss, ring in the ears of the people they are hurting long after they've forgotten it.

I wish I had an easy fix, but if I did, I'd use it on me first.

There is so much good stuff in your post, thanks for sharing. I agree that there's no easy solution to this. I mean what causes people to be friends anyway? In my experience, quietness is a negative thing, both socially and professionally. If someone is quiet and not saying much, others may treat this as an indication that the person doesn't like them. But it could be that the quiet person actually can't think of a single thing to say! Small talk. You may be amazed to know that some people find that difficult. They can have deep discussions about something, but find the shallow banal conversations, or offhand humour quite tricky.

I think you can get over social anxiety.

Maybe, but how? I personally think it's part of one's personality. And just because someone is socially anxious, doesn't mean they can't be very successful in other aspects of their life. In many ways, this can mask the difficulties.

Like Luna says, if there was an easy fix, I'd use it.
 
Upvote 0
I think you can get over social anxiety

I think everyone who hasn't experienced the severity would like to believe that, just like everyone diagnosed with cancer can have a miraculous remission. Walk up to someone with leukemia and tell them they should just get better. If you don't see the correlation then you don't understand clinical anxiety.

Everyone has feelings. It's natural to have these emotions when the circumstances warrant it. If a loved one dies, you grieve and experience loss and sadness. The birth of a baby (usually) brings joy. Accomplishment yields satisfaction. But for some of us, it doesn't work that way. What should, by social convention, bring hope and anticipation might spawn fear and sadness to the point where there are debilitating physical symptoms.

So, from the perspective of @LV426 's daughter, telling her that "you can get over social anxiety" only points out that she can't and that equals failure. It's the slippery slope covered with shards of glass and a black abyss at the bottom.
 
Upvote 0
My daughter.. she is smart and friendly and has many friends…
I am a proud dad!

She is 13 now.. and before she started in grade school.. she was not scared to be in the spotlight. Sings to anyone and everyone .. was in dance recitals…

When she started 1st grade.. she was in a choir .. and they did a public xmas presentation with many other choir groups at a park. During their presentation, she was part of a 3 group short chorus. I saw her panic and just mouth the words. Almost like a deer in headlights.

This was first time I saw her have stage fright.. I did not mention it and thought it would pass. But since this, I have noticed she pass on individual spotlight… she is fine in a group like choir. Even though her 6th grade choir teacher has offered her a place in the advance choir. Over the last few years, she has slowly moved away from scary situations.

She used have no fear of anything.. I had to set limits to keep her safe. For example amusement rides. She used to love to be made to scream.. and the thrill of roller-coasters (appropriate for her age). After that 1 stage fear.. she has shied away from the scary rides.

This really broke my heart as I watched her back away from the thrills in life.

Now she is in middle school.. dropped choir and wanted to join theater.. but only as stage-hand to help with stage design. I tried to encourage her to try out for the smaller parts.. but she refuses. She is moving more behind the scene. L

Now, I was thinking.. I need to tell her to just .. get over it.. go for it. push her to be in the spotlight. So she can just get past this fear. I am afraid of this downward spiral. It started out as a small thing and I think over the years it has grown. Feed by her fears and getting harder and harder to break this wall she is building. Maybe it is or growing towards a “disorder or a dysfunction”. I don’t know where that line is or where she is emotionally to that line.

Reading this thread.. has me worried.. if I should be worried.. and how I might move forward from here. Or am I just making something out of nothing.. or not taking it seriously enough. CRAP!
 
Upvote 0
@dontpanicbobby Now don't go and panic on us. :) I know you were talking to @LV426 and not his daughter. I was speaking more in the general sense using her as an example.

I always mind, because a mind is a terrible thing to waste. I tend to carry on, too.

@dan330

How can a father not be worried about a teenage daughter? (or son, but those are different worries). Talk to her about the hard issues, but talk do not 'tell'. Don't push, don't tell her to be all that she can be. Let her know that you're proud of her no matter what she want's to do (except maybe clown college).
Over the last few years, she has slowly moved away from scary situations.
I think that's better than the other way around. You may be reading too much into this incident and she's discovered that she prefers the back stage to the limelight. Nothing wrong there.

Does she have friends? Does she have interests? Hobbies? If the problem is she's not living up to your expectations then I think the problem might be with you and not your daughter, Dan.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MrJavi and dan330
Upvote 0
Loonie..

yeah.. I see what you are sayin.
and I don't want to push MY expectations onto her. Only want her to not be limited by her fears.

Fear of danger and respect for a scary situation.. I understand.
but fear of fear.. is NOT what I want for her.

also.. I know what she is going through is NOT the same as what is being discussed here.
but this is how .. it might start.

maybe be this is just part of growing up .. and she will do just fine.
:)
 
Upvote 0
Don't worry Dan.... I used to be this ****ing crazy ass dare devil... but I got calmer over the years...

And now I am very successful today :D

Working for one of the largest Yankee companies and I am getting paid a fortune! The power has made me a bit... CrAzY as ****!

I feel like a little Demi God and I started to get a bit worried I might lose my integrity I used to prize myself on... and feel I am better than the whole universe combined...

It's scary at my age to be earning this salary ... I feel like I am ****ing power tripping...

I feel like a God so I have to be careful these days and thus stay nice and to be more humble is very tricky....

So I wouldn't worry about too much :-D

Maybe she will become a crazy power tripper like me? :D

You know running around thinking I own the whole kind of thing! XD

The scary thing is.... I want even MORE now!

You must persuade her to join the dark side and CRRRRRRUUUUSHHHHH her enemies!!! >:--D

There can only be ONE...

XD

Lol.... just.... kidding :D
 
  • Like
Reactions: lunatic59
Upvote 0
People react differently to these situations. As I described earlier, my dad had a severe flight response. It's like the panic a claustrophobic person feels in an enclosed space. Some people react with rage or anger as a self-defense mechanism. Some people just shut down completely.
But it uses humor to make a serious point that is apropos to the thread, so...

You could also say it uses humor and hyperbole to trivialize the severity of the anxiety some people feel. That's not meant as a criticism, but as an additional point that may get missed. Circling back to Robin Williams, it appears he used that quite a bit to deal with, or mask his true feelings.

I think we should all get together and discuss this over drinks. :)

I would guess that half the people in this thread thought that last statement was a good idea and the other half have knots in the pit of their stomachs.

Should that last phrase stand as typed?

"knots in the pit of their stomachs."

or should it be:
"knots in the pits of their stomachs."
or
"knots in the pits of their stomach."
 
Upvote 0
People react differently to these situations. As I described earlier, my dad had a severe flight response. It's like the panic a claustrophobic person feels in an enclosed space. Some people react with rage or anger as a self-defense mechanism. Some people just shut down completely.


You could also say it uses humor and hyperbole to trivialize the severity of the anxiety some people feel. That's not meant as a criticism, but as an additional point that may get missed. Circling back to Robin Williams, it appears he used that quite a bit to deal with, or mask his true feelings.

I think we should all get together and discuss this over drinks. :)

Great idea. And I think the grammar might make more sense after a few beers :)

I was absolutely shocked when I heard about Robin Williams. I don't know the exact circumstances and what led him to that, but clearly he had a lot of issues. All completely masked by his outward persona.
 
Upvote 0

BEST TECH IN 2023

We've been tracking upcoming products and ranking the best tech since 2007. Thanks for trusting our opinion: we get rewarded through affiliate links that earn us a commission and we invite you to learn more about us.

Smartphones