Spouses.....

[MLSS]

Everyday I listen to people moan and complain about their wife or husband. They don't do this, or they do that and I don't like it ect......

I just don't get it. I'm twice married and I never once openly complained, bitched, moaned about my ex wife in public.
My second marriage is amazing
My wife works hard, is an amazing mother wife and life partner. We compliment each other very well. We never fight or bicker. We are open and honest with each other. We TALK about our differences in a very honest and mature way.

I could never imagine raising my voice to her.

I just don't get it. If your gonna complain about your spouse all the time, why even be married?

Maybe I'm just lucky but I honestly believe that you have to be your spouse's biggest supporter, cheerleader, and you have to always always take your spouse's side on any given situation while in public. That doesn't mean you can't talk about it in private, but to publicly disagree with a loved ones point of view can do nothing but hurt them and make them feel foolish.

 

[Deleted User]

It's because many marriages aren't perfect. People have different viewpoints, opinions. Sometimes it leads to arguments. People also have habits, little annoyances, sometimes these can become real problems. And often, differences aren't immediately an issue at the start of a marriage, but over time people become more hardened in their ways, maybe a bit more vocal and determined. I think this is why some marriages take work, it's not all beautiful harmony.

And yes, talking about these things is a good plan, but what happens when the other person isn't reasonable about it, or will not accept or listen to your point of view, or not prepared to compromise? In this situation, a way to release frustration is to vent your feelings to someone else, even online to complete strangers. It quite often helps to air your feelings, even if nobody listens, or solves the problem.

 

[The_Chief]

My Darling Bride & I have been married almost 26 years. We have our differences. We have NEVER had a fight. We have never laid a hand to the other in anger. We are each other's biggest caregivers and supporters. Will we agree on everything? Never. Will I ever be as empathic as her? Doubt it. Will she ever figure out technology? Not a chance. But there are three things that I have learned over the decades:

1. Love is not a noun. It's not a hole you fall into or crawl out of. Love is a verb, an action you must deliberately choose to take every day... whether you feel like it or not. Choose to love, despite whatever temporary circumstances surround you. Love endures.

2. I learned long ago the five key words to a long and happy marriage: "Sorry, Honey, I was wrong". Even if I know I'm right, it diffuses arguments, it eases tensions, and allows us to resolve the situation calmly and lovingly.

3. And ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS praise in public, admonish in private. This applies to marriage, work, any situation you're in. Leadership lesson NUMBER ONE: Take care of your people, and they will take care of you.

 

[MLSS]

You are allowed to have different opinions about things, that is human nature but I find it much easier to respectfully disagree than to fight about who is right or wrong.

At times in my first marriage and my current marriage I have taken the mindset that I'd rather be wrong and happy than right and miserable. (Which was a lot in my first marriage)
It is true that we all do things that our spouses don't like (chewing to loud, not picking up after ones self, ect....), but if you are truly committed to someone than you just have to learn to deal with those things.

 

[MLSS]

My PTSDalese moody and grouchy at times. She understands that and politely tells me I need to go fishing for a little while to clear my head.

I know that I occasionally repeat myself and she just smiles and moves on. I know it drives her crazy sometimes.

 

[tube517]

It's something that keeps me off Facebook. Too many people post about this exact topic and it shows on my timeline and I don't want to read or hear about it. Now, I just go on Facebook for a group forum on my phone model and that is all. I stay off my own timeline.

I use Instagram to post some pics, Google Plus for Android news, Twitter for news, sports, Android, etc. Nobody knows our personal business.

My wife is my queen. I am not perfect and neither is she. We both do what we can to make each other happy. That's all we can do if both of us put forth the effort. Sure, it's a challenge sometimes. But, life ain't perfect.

Great thread, BTW.

 

[dan330]

well .. it is all about .. trust and respect.
if you loose either of these... in private or public... it aint a healthy relationship.

 

[Member243850]

I have never had a marriage but I have had some relationships and I can tell you - WASTE OF MY TIME.

It was AWESOME in the beginning - in fact awesome is a total understatement - it was like a super high that nothing on earth could even come close to.

Love is an extremely powerful and extremely complex thing - I definitely felt it at one point but boy oh boy oh boy did it just run into problem after problem after PROBLEM.

About a few years later it just become ****ing unbearable. She kept complaining, bitching moaning and asking me for money ALL THE TIME. And it was TERRIBLE FREAKING TERRIBLE.... but it was also GREAT.... and it wasn't just sex it was that I actually loved someone...

It was AWESOME in the start like a super high that NO DRUG can even come close to - but after a while the effect ran off and the fall was scary... love is scary...

Love is more than likely the most crippling, powerful, intense, overwhelming, super high and the most incredible feeling as well as the most scary feeling I have ever felt. It's extremely dangerous if you are not careful and "lose yourself" if you let go like I did and get hurt like I did!

I have complained about her in public - and rightfully so! She did HORRIBLE things to me like put drugs in my drink!

I ****ing hate her!!!

NO JOKES SO I HAVE A RIGHT TO COMPLAIN OKAY?

SHE COULD GO TO JAIL FOR THAT

It was awesome - I will never ever deny it... but it was also ****ing scary... extremely scary indeed...

Love is such a powerful thing - if you are hooked you might enjoy the the ride so much you forget that you are being eaten alive and being ripped apart!

It is totally unique love.... completely and totally unique... no one is like another... none are the same for all our differences and experiences...

It's scary love because if you fall you can fall very very very hard and so hard when you hit the concrete you might shatter depending on what kind of person you are circumstances etc or character or the way you deal with things - there are so many things to take into consideration because every single situation is completely unique.

I did love her - I will never deny ever how awesome she was. But it is over since she did not want to change and thus I could not handle her insanity any more.

But don't judge your relationship with everyone else's as we all have different experiences.

Well done for having such a stable and happy relationship and I am glad you are happy.

Mine was freaking awesome but it was also extremely scary.

It was extreme... and intense that is for sure... extremely awesome and extremely sad...

But these days I just want to be alone as I no longer trust people as much as I used to.

I don't trust women because I have had such bad experiences - please note this is only for me and in relationships and not any business matters as that is more of a different issue and this is my current stance.

I don't like women as they are bad for my health and happiness. A scary drug that ends badly for me too man times now.

I am happy you have such a great relationship - well done.

But me?

I no longer complain - I just smile that things are over and move on and I am extremely happy it's over!

And I don't have time any more to waste on women... rather just build my empire instead!

Women take up far too much time. It wastes time.

And these days there is not a lot of time... love is awesome though... if you can find the right person. Well done to those who have found the right person though.

Whether you are quiet, rude, brilliant, arrogant, fat, shiny, smelly - whatever it is the point is it is completely unique to everyone and everyone has their own preferences.

Some people like myself just have had very intense experiences but who knows maybe in the future I might find someone that fits in with my life style and is calmer and quiet.

I feel more like Tesla that I am just not cut out for marriage or relationships as I see the damage they cause. I read this the other day about Tesla and was happy that I am not alone and someone also understands!

If you also can't stand relationships then do what I did! -

LEAVE

 

[zuben el genub]

Depends on what you are bit**ing about. I just caught holy hell from the Vulcan since my forgot my cell phone, got messages and calls and he didn't know how to shut it up. He isn't interested in learning, either. Just keeps asking me why I don't get an old flip phone. Or why do I bother with Linux on the desktop since it can be maddening.

This is a Rocket Blower. Sold in camera shops. Referred to as a copy of a German V2 Rocket and why is it in the bathroom? ( I was blowing spider mites off a plant)


But if it comes to life - support, love and caring, that's different.
At least he tries and that gets no complaints.

 

[shalemail]

My first marriage was a trial run. (at least that's the nicest way to put it ) It taught me all the things to do and not do as well as what not to put up with being done to me. The second time was the charm for me as I have never and will never find a soul so perfectly matched to my own. It's terribly cliche but she completes me. She fills parts of my being I didn't know were empty.

We travel together.
We work on the house together.
She understands my quirks and loves me for them.
She digs the same things I dig.
When I cry she holds me and when I am filled with joy she's usually got a hand in that as well.

It's really amazing that it took me 35 years to find her - and what I mean by that is, it only took me 35 years to be this happy and satisfied.

 

[dan330]

^^^^ lucky SOB

 

[AZgl1500]

it is a mixed bag...

wife #1 after 18 years, I left
wife #2 was a money grubber with money, and you aren't allow to touch, she divorced me because I am not "good enough" equate that to "don't have Millions in the bank of OLD money.

Wife #3 was a horrible mistake, she was hired to be a caregiver to wife #2....
came home one day and she was crying about the county won't take care of her medical issues, pissed me off, took her to the town hall and married her on the spot, no fore thought, just a gut reaction.....
the next day, I realized what a horrible mistake that was.... took 5 years to get rid of that one

back with wife #1 simply because the kids are happier, and we all get together on holidays and such....
but, she bitches about almost everything, and it drives us all nuts.....
don't want to leave her destitute, as she would be on Disability only.... so I am locked in and just turn a deaf ear when I don't want "to hear it".

 

[dan330]

ouch!!!!

 

[lunatic59]

Marriage story ... The Mrs. and I hit a rocky patch a couple of decades ago so I suggested some professional help. Pretty standard stuff for counseling ... we each get to say what we think we're feeling and then a few pointed questions to try and get at what we're really feeling. I think it was around the end of the third session the counselor looks at us both and asks "is this the way you talk to each other at home?" We both nod, look at each other and say "pretty much."

He says "go home, you're fine."

And he was right.

Sometimes it just takes someone else to point out that no problem can't be overcome if you're in it together. (32 years and counting)

 

[shalemail]

^^^Bravo, it's never easy, it's never perfect. But if you both care enough and want to make it work and try hard to do so, there's nothing you can't get past.

 

[Member243850]

I have come to the unfortunate point (of almost no return) where I no longer trust humanity as much as I once did.

I used to be very caring - I used to be very loving but then it turned out that humanity is by nature an untrustworthy behemoth.

It's sad to say I used to be so loving and all dreamy eyed with this whole ideology of "Let's all be friends!!!!' but as the years passed by... as the years of more and more lies and encrusted deceit filled my mind - I no longer see humanity as I once did.

I have become so disgusted with humanity that I have tried to destroy all evidence of my photos, name and any other information that leads me to me.

So I more than likely will not... and never will have any kind of intimate relationship with anyone as I now have an engraved distrust of mankind.

It's sad.

It's sad that I have come to such a point where I no longer trust people. Whether they want to try and sue me or whatever the case may be or whatever bull shit they conjure up.

My only advice I give to you about relationships and thus mankind in general...

"If you see it's ugliness once... don't let it knock twice!"

Learn from mistakes gone by... don't ever let it happen twice...

That may sound "cruel" and "ruthless" but in this world there are scum that don't deserve to breathe the same air as you and I....

Don't let scum hurt you... if you are similar to me... just stay single - away from all the scum!

"Pain is knowledge"

I have had far too many problems dealing with scum in the past with "relationships". Sadly these days I have an inherent distrust of mankind.

Congratulations to those that have succeeded where I have failed - I have no idea how you can trust people to that extent and get along with them so happily - I just couldn't - God knows I tried.

But me - I prefer a life of beautiful isolation where no psychopaths can harm me - where there are no quarrels - arguments, disputes and other garbage that gets in the way of my happiness.

I guess Tesla was the same... amazing ... the similarities are deep and profound indeed ... with some individuals when you actually take the time and research about them...

Tesla once said that some of us are not conducive to reproduce and are not suited to family life or those of spouses.

It's lovely and comforting to know that I am not that alone.

 

[dan330]

stinky...

we have been conversing for a long time.. in this and many other threads.. about all kinds of subjects..
watched as you .. morphed through life.. to this point and disposition.

please.. keep letting us know.. and in the loop .. of your thoughts and experiences.
because I believe one day.. someone will... reverse your life.
and I want to be there to witness it.

best hopes to u

 

[dan330]

Marriage story ... The Mrs. and I hit a rocky patch a couple of decades ago so I suggested some professional help. Pretty standard stuff for counseling ... we each get to say what we think we're feeling and then a few pointed questions to try and get at what we're really feeling. I think it was around the end of the third session the counselor looks at us both and asks "is this the way you talk to each other at home?" We both nod, look at each other and say "pretty much."

He says "go home, you're fine."

And he was right.

Sometimes it just takes someone else to point out that no problem can't be overcome if you're in it together. (32 years and counting)

great.. but what was the reason for the.. rocky patch??
because it caused you to seek professional help...
and that professional .. said there was NO issue.

 

[lunatic59]

great.. but what was the reason for the.. rocky patch??
because it caused you to seek professional help...
and that professional .. said there was NO issue.

Kinda hard to explain and i think it might get a bit personal. While I don't mind wearing my heart on my sleeve, the Mrs. is funny about this sort of thing. Let's just say that, at that time, we did not share a mutual vision of how to fulfill our future hopes and dreams.

 

[lunatic59]

I have become so disgusted with humanity...

@Stinky Stinky, my friend, you are continuing to grow and learn. Some lessons are harder than other, but as you will discover one day, nothing is absolute. I agree with the Tesla comparisons to a point. You have a similarly working mind and cam empathize with his genius and thought processes, but don't draw the conclusion that it has to follow that your lives will be an exact parallel. There're circumstances, too, that change the course of a person's life and no one ever follows the exact path of another. Think about what Tesla would think of you.

But me - I prefer a life of beautiful isolation where no psychopaths can harm me - where there are no quarrels - arguments, disputes and other garbage that gets in the way of my happiness.

As long as you do something with it and not just hide in a hole.

Remember it's always darkest before the dawn. Come to think of it, it's always darkest right before it goes completely black, too.

 

[Member243850]

@Stinky Stinky, my friend, you are continuing to grow and learn. Some lessons are harder than other, but as you will discover one day, nothing is absolute. I agree with the Tesla comparisons to a point. You have a similarly working mind and cam empathize with his genius and thought processes, but don't draw the conclusion that it has to follow that your lives will be an exact parallel. There're circumstances, too, that change the course of a person's life and no one ever follows the exact path of another. Think about what Tesla would think of you.



As long as you do something with it and not just hide in a hole.

Remember it's always darkest before the dawn. Come to think of it, it's always darkest right before it goes completely black, too.

Aww thanks loony buddy

Such a great guy...

I don't think I am that smart as Tesla... but I am extremely honored to have been told I am similar hahahahaha

You're very cool Loony!

I was just shocked when later in life I started to feel this way about mankind... and when I heard about him and what kind of life he lead I was extremely shocked how similar certain things are... I was also very happy that I am not so alone. I had never even heard about him until much later in life... I sometimes have these "WHY ME!?!!" times in my life screaming at the clouds like they actually cared or understood...

lol but I know I speak the truth... I have hidden in a hole though once or twice for interests sake

XD

I love the thought of living all alone... its nice... it's beautiful... it seems so nice to have no arguments or any kind of madness... maybe you are right about living in a hole... but I like this hole... it's beautiful this hole... people have told me "STOP BEING LIKE AN OSTRICH WITH YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND"... so you are not the first Loony my friend

It is extremely comforting to know that I am not that alone at all... it's beautiful that at least I am not that alone...

It will never be an exact match no matter who's life I agree with you buddy I agree with you but 1 thing I can empathize greatly with is my distrust of people and maybe just not cut out to be with somebody... I have questioned this many times...

You have no idea how much I have been hurt... I used to love mankind... but over the years...

Maybe you are right Loony. Maybe in time I will learn to love again but not so blindly this time or with smarter boundries and careful discernment... with greater care...

I will not make that same mistake again though that's for sure...

Congratulations to those who have had very successful relationships like that... it's damn hard to open up to people because they can be so evil.

I think it's best to just genetically engineer a virus and kill all of mankind!

I hate mankind - I have tried too hard for too long to be kind and I am sick of it.

At work I get accused of doing something extremely serious and may need to even get lawyers involved - yes it is that bad!
And I have no idea why I am being targeted...

**** humanity to HELL BURN BURN BURN

Let the roaches take over - (They will do a better job - I know it!)

I want to someday make a deadly virus and unleash it on mankind so I can watch everybody scream as everybody kills everybody else and have a good fat laugh! HAHAHAHAHAHA

"Don't forget the popcorn!!!!!"

 

[Member243850]

But as for what Tesla would say... that's a very good question... I have no idea... maybe he would give a sad nod of approval and understanding...

He loved pigeons... but I love roaches!

XD

There's something about the under dog I really love to see...

I didn't mean to hijack this thread... maybe I gave it a slightly bad direction or connotation...

One thing I definitely will say is I seriously admire your beautiful harmony if you have had an awesome relationship liek the one you have...

To the rest of us who couldn't cut that kind of life and it drove us insane... you are not alone... well at least not entirely

I like to think of us "loners" as "An oasis that stands in the desert"

We have been around for faaaaaar too long...

My only advice to you is... don't let the losers get you down... rather just cut their heads off!!!!!!

 

[shalemail]

Stinky my boy, I hate to sound corny, and this will to be sure. But in the last month I have undergone a change. Perhaps some have noticed my avatar change, from the fallen Superman to the Man of Steel. There's reason, and I hope it can provide you maybe a glimmer of optimism. I was not who I wanted to be, a shell of the man I had been and of who I wanted to be for my wife, my family, myself. My first marriage almost killed me (literally) and I still bore the scars of that relationship 10 years after it had ended. I used it as a crutch to tell myself "today I don't have to try that hard, after what I've been through I deserve a break, I don't need to be THAT good". But I reached a point where I looked in the mirror and I decided that the guy looking back at me was not going to be the man I saw anymore. That the crutch would be broken in half and thrown in the trash, NEVER to be used again. I wanted to be better than that. It was incumbent upon me and no one else to be the master of my world, my mood, and my outlook. So I turned over that leaf finally, the last bit of what I'd become was washed away. No it's not easy everyday, but it is necessary. So I say this to you buddy, as evil as this world is, as much as men (and women) do to break you down, as much darkness and gloom as there is...there is also beauty. There is love, there is joy. And yes, there is hope. On Krypton this symbol means hope (not really just quoting the movie - it's the crest of the house of El, but I digress ) so good friend, have hope, see the beauty, the joy, the laughter, the light. And trust me, your days will come, one right after the other, until you forget all the darkness behind you.

 

[dan330]

shalemail... you are 100% right.
Corny!!!!




but good words..

 

[lunatic59]

I decided that the guy looking back at me was not going to be the man I saw anymore.

You see, I had a perfect role model in my father ... perfect in what NOT to be. Anytime life confronts me with a hard decision all I have to do is think what my father would have done and do the opposite. Hasn't failed me yet.