To my stepfather, Clifford Abramson, for teaching me how to be a man.
To my beautiful wife, Jaime, for putting up with me.
To Mike Pyle for being the best cornerman in the world, which is much like being the best bridesmaid in the world.
To Byron Danielson for being able to figure anything out.
To the letter q (lowercase only) for being exotic.
To John Wood for defining the stereotypical Vegas d0uche bag, yet still being a great guy.
To Mark Beacher for having cool tattoos.
To Randy Couture for being an inspiration to old folks everywhere.
To James Roday for being clever the way I want to be.
To Bob Saget - enough said.
To Mike Whitehead for being a tank.
To broccoli for smelling like farts before you eat it and being difficult to spell.
To Hollywood for somehow making it cool to be Irish. It's getting so popular, in fact, that we're thinking about making a move on the Jews.
Special thanks to Paul Thatcher for the photographs that appear in the insert.
Special thanks to Bret Aita for his editing genious.
Special thanks to Heidi Seibert for all of her efforts to promote this book.
blah blah blah blah oh, another funny part:
Many of the names, places, and even facts in this book have been changed to protect Forrest Griffin from getting sued by a bunch of d0uche bags. Very few small animals were harmed during the making of this book. The ones that were harmed were not in the "cute" category, so it's all good.