I think I just had an Epiphany of sorts. I thought I was different, you know, playing it cool and such. In reality I was anything but. Just one of these so called "nice guys"
Looking back I think I made some mistakes that are probably not recoverable.
The biggest 2 come with implications of insecurity and lack of confidence.
1 basically "friend zoning" myself
2 telling her that I liked her
When I thought she was not coming back from her previous vacation when this started.
Other things too like being too available.
My friend, heed well my words -
Had this been The One, no force on earth would let you screw up.
This person is your friend and knows it. Through her, you learned things. She knows that. And was friend enough to be that role now, when you needed it most.
And the biggest thing of all - life is all about seeing the forest. Be ok with letting go of those interesting trees you have discovered and mentioned above.
Things with people don't follow flow charts. They don't obey rules. They don't follow if-then.
In affairs of the heart, they don't even follow cause and effect in time.
She's just been the best friend of all possible because a friend in need is a friend indeed.
She didn't give you what you wanted. Whether she meant to or not, choose to or not, she just gave you what you needed. Just when you needed it. This is a friend to cherish.
The one you seek is coming. She'll be like a forest. Listen to your own intuition. Don't miss her by looking for trees. This one now is helping to light the way.
You've made no mistakes yet. You're finding your path.
In my humble opinion.