Discipline vs Child Abuse

[DeepEmissions]

Whats goin on guys? Been gone for a minute and I'd like to start a topic for discussion, and hopefully not shoot myself in the foot in the process.

Okay, so... I don't wanna start a war here but I must ask my fellow community this question:

Do you believe there is a difference in Discipline (in the context of a major offence, issuing a few swats on the butt and a lecture) and Child Abuse (striking /hitting a child on any part of the body with the intent to inflict harm.)

Now let that stew as I tell you why/how this got brought up.

I have a Facebook page (GASP!) and it just so happens the feed on the right hand side of the page, the one that updates every 15 seconds or so, I see one of my friends posted a link as a comment to a picture. Here's the Picture:


And here is the link: https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/184894.pdf

So after seeing the picture and reading the short PDF article, I was inclined to say something about that.

I think there's a difference in Discipline (which is what this pic suggests) and child abuse.

His response:

Discipline is helping a kid see which types of behaviors pay off. Physically hitting a child is abuse. It's a way trashy, ignorant people relieve their own frustrations. The best leaders are the ones who help people reach higher levels of morality and motivation through positive activities. The worst ones are those who belittle and, at very worst, physically harm others. Someone above mentioned fear. We don't need fear to be better people. Fear is what the terrorists and bullies use.

My Response:

I can agree with most of what your saying, but lemme tell ya how I was raised... If I did something small but yet disrespectful, I was disciplined by lecture. But if I did something outlandish and/or harmful and way outta line for what my dad believed in. you best believe I got his belt to my hind end. Now, would you consider me a criminal? Am I what your page you shared describes as a violent person? I think not, because why? Cuz I don't wanna get my butt whipped! Maybe not by my dad, but by the Justice System this time. I have a son and I discipline him if needed, knowing the line between Discipline and Abuse is something maybe these parents of the cases that were studied in the article, didn't know the difference of. I firmly believe it is up to the parents to teach their child respect and courtesy, and I think nowadays some parents are too soft.

His retort:

Violence is barbaric and counter productive. Anyone interviewed the three kids pictured here to see if they were spanked as kids? Anyone looked at data about kids who were spanked versus not spanked as kids? No. You just think hitting children changes their behavior for the better. It's no surprise we're the species that produced the holocaust, Iran, North Korea, Bin Laden, the inquisition, 9/11, etc etc etc. I reiterate: Violence is barbaric and counter productive.

At this point, its obvious he's not really arguing my statements, just kinda repeating his views.

My response:

I'm not saying go on a rampage, lol. But do you mean to tell me that when your 15 year old son steals your car one night to go out joyriding with friends, and you find out about it... are you going to give him a few swats on the butt and a long discussion about stealing/lying and the implications of what could of happened if he would'a wrecked. Or 10 minutes of his nose in the corner???

His response:

You guys realize in addition to "spare the rod, spoil the child", the old testament prescribes the stoning to death of people for many, sometimes imaginary, crimes along with many other barbaric acts one would expect to be written at that time right?

That pretty much ended the discussion between he and I.
I have about 200+ friends on my friends list and I gladly shared this picture on my timeline with one a word title "Agreed."

Thus far, those who have responded/liked the picture were also in agreements with me.
So, maybe with a bigger audience than just my Facebook friends, I ask you fellow users and abusers of Android, what is your take on the picture?
How do you feel about a good swat on the butt and a lecture vs sitting in a corner for 10 minutes as Discipline?

Please be open and respect every ones own individual opinions.
This is meant to discuss and think, not yell and hate.

 

[scottmog]

great discussion. I feel that the few times I got hit definitely shocked me enough to make me behave. I would never use a spoon, belt or something but pretty much every kid deserves a smack to keep them in lines sometimes.

 

[zuben el genub]

There is true violence that kids do need protection from - but when a kid can call Child Protective Services and try to get parents busted since they won't or can't get him an Ipad, then something is totally wrong with values.

We got swatted, told no if we asked for something we didn't deserve or parents couldn't afford and most of our generation are still here and productive. We haven't turned into psychopaths since we were disciplined.

Kids need to learn "You can't always get what you want" and you are not "entitled" to some of it, either.

Some don't need to spank. I had a neighbor who could quell a riot just by saying "Now, people."
She was the exception rather than the rule.

 

[DeepEmissions]

I agree! Ya know sometimes I watch my friends use what I call "soft reinforcement" and I can sit there and constantly watch it blow up in their face every time.

It's not so much striking fear into your child its striking respect. So they know when you say something, there could be consequences if they do not respect what you say and mind you.

I would never slap or hit a child, but a few swats on the bottom, sometimes, is needed.

 

[wyndslash]

Me and my siblings all got spanked lol.

 

[wyndslash]

There is true violence that kids do need protection from - but when a kid can call Child Protective Services and try to get parents busted since they won't or can't get him an Ipad, then something is totally wrong with values.

We got swatted, told no if we asked for something we didn't deserve or parents couldn't afford and most of our generation are still here and productive. We haven't turned into psychopaths since we were disciplined.

Kids need to learn "You can't always get what you want" and you are not "entitled" to some of it, either.

Some don't need to spank. I had a neighbor who could quell a riot just by saying "Now, people."
She was the exception rather than the rule.

Man, if my kid did that, I'd happily let child services have him. Let him stew and panic for a while lol

 

[DeepEmissions]

Man, if my kid did that, I'd happily let child services have him. Let him stew and panic for a while lol

LOL!!! Right! U wanna call em, go right ahead... you'll regret it soon.

 

[wyndslash]

LOL!!! Right! U wanna call em, go right ahead... you'll regret it soon.

Not me. My kid. Read my post again

It's all a hypothetical situation though. I'm not sure I want to have kids in this day and age. My cousin is pretty good at discipline though. He just taps his belt and his kid behaves

Still, I'm in an Asian country where discipline is looked favorably upon

 

[DeepEmissions]

Not me. My kid. Read my post again

It's all a hypothetical situation though. I'm not sure I want to have kids in this day and age. My cousin is pretty good at discipline though. He just taps his belt and his kid behaves

Still, I'm in an Asian country where discipline is looked favorably upon

Sorry I meant that in the context of you saying that to your child "you wanna call em, go ahead."

 

[pakrat57]

I was raised to understand that there were consequences (whoopins) to be paid if I got too far out of line. Sometimes a lecture works, other times a spanking is needed. Kids need to learn right from wrong and sometimes a lecture doesn't convey how wrong they were. I'm glad for the spankings as it kept me from receiving adult consequences such as jail.

 

[wyndslash]

Sorry I meant that in the context of you saying that to your child "you wanna call em, go ahead."

I think I was the one who misread

 

[DeepEmissions]

I think I was the one who misread

LOL no problem, I should of been more clear.

 

[DeepEmissions]

@pakrat57
I was raised the same way, people call it old school and too harsh, well I'm sorry but it worked for me, so I will raise my child the same way.

Yea I raised a little hell back in the day, but I quickly realized that the spankings I got were far outweighed by the punishment I could receive as an adult.

 

[efin]

I got spanked as a kid, definitely far fewer times than I deserved. But, with that punishment came direction from my parents about obedience and respect for others, elders and the like, something lacking in our society now. Commercials on Television and radio make the parents / male figures out to be completed idiots and the children out to be the genius'. God help us when they rule the world...

 

[wyndslash]

I got spanked as a kid, definitely far fewer times than I deserved. But, with that punishment came direction from my parents about obedience and respect for others, elders and the like, something lacking in our society now. Commercials on Television and radio make the parents / male figures out to be completed idiots and the children out to be the genius'. God help us when they rule the world...

that's true. i absolutely hated it when my parents spanked me (of course, lol), but seeing the kids now and how i could have turned out like them...

 

[damewolf13]

This is such a hot issue, because who decides what is the right amount of spanking/hitting? Quite often, the problem comes from the parents (who have issues of their own, sometimes passed on by their parents) who don't recognize where to draw the line on what they call punishment. It seems appropriate to them at the time, in their anger, but quite often is really abusive behavior, when looked at by someone objectively.

 

[kevincott]

I was in a long term relationship with a nice girl that did not discipline her children, long story there.

Her kindergarten son ran across the room and punched me in anger (after many other incidents) and she watched, did nothing.

I lifted the child to my face and explained the situation to him (she watched), from that point on he had respect for me and was my constant companion.


Some times a child needs to be 'woken up' and it doesn't necessarily take violence.

 

[Bob Maxey]

Discipline and child abuse are interchangeable these days.

If you are an old fart like me, a swat across the arse; a spanking, we once called it was not child abuse. These days, even touching a child is abuse as far as some people are concerned.

Bad kids were once punished. Now you cannot swat a kid for fear of being hauled first to jail, then to court.

 

[pakrat57]

Some times a child needs to be 'woken up' and it doesn't necessarily take violence.

You're right, I always started with a lecture first. If that didn't work then came the spankings. Luckily for me my son hated my lectures so bad that although he got spanked, it was rare .

 

[Kamau]

Let me tell you all something.
The Mrs & myself lost our kids for almost a year because of whipping ones ass when he got out of line. But long story short, we have told those people that when our children get too far out, we will whoop that ass again because they are OUR children, and we will. CPS does not scare me, nor will they tell me how to raise my children, or when/how I punish them. They put not one bite of food on our table, paid one light bill, and surely has not taken one of them to the doctor when they needed it it. They attended no school meeting, stayed up all night when one was afraid of the dark or had a nightmare, or even said I love you to any of them. We have raised them, cared for them and loved them every day, and for them to think they was gonna tell us anything when it came to them is way out in left field. We fought tooth & nail to get them back, and will do it again if needed.
I am fighting a war between them and the streets. If I lose, then the streets will win them, and THAT IS NOT AN OPTION. The Streets will not claim my children, and I will fight whoever gets in my way, with words, pen & paper, or anything else necessary to keep them safe. We are raising boys to be responsible men. And if that means I have to tear off in that ass sometimes, it is what it is..

 

[kool kat2]

Each kid is different and each kid will require different punishments to understand. There is a line between punishment and child abuse. The law doesn't see it that way. Its all child abuse. I was spanked a handful of times. I will spank when necessary.

 

[cobretti]

I got spanked as a kid, definitely far fewer times than I deserved. But, with that punishment came direction from my parents about obedience and respect for others, elders and the like, something lacking in our society now. Commercials on Television and radio make the parents / male figures out to be completed idiots and the children out to be the genius'. God help us when they rule the world...

They already do. Haven't you seen them freaking out on the floor at the grocery store? One of Satan's best weapons now is the whole "P.C" movement. Makes me puke.

 

[Gmash]

I'm surprised this hasn't been moved to politics & current affairs yet.

I'm not against spanking, I had a few and never thought twice about it, but who decides how much is too much? You can say "the parents do", but that leaves a lot of kids who really are abused to fend for themselves. I don't know the answer, just raising another point of view.

 

[iowabowtech]

I would agree, I think the Politics And Current Affairs Forum may be more suitable. Thread moved.


Moving forward, I'd also like to ask everyone to use their best judgement and keep things within site rules. Clearly this is a subject where strong opinions are likely. Thanks everyone.

 

[Bob Maxey]

Some parents need to be beat half to death and few need the full Monty. Some parents must be sterilized or neutered, too.

Some kids need their behind paddled until they blister.

Other parents need praise and respect for raising respectful and decent kids and some kids need to be sent to the iron mines for ten years of back breaking labor and only gruel for lunch.

All I know is you dam kids keep the hell off of my lawn. Dam whippersnappers . . . I tell you what.

Respect My Authoritah! - YouTube