Tell me a joke...

[Daniel Fernandes]

I want to laugh...

 

[lunatic59]

How many Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Spoiler

Two. One to do it and one NOT to do it.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

Knock! Knock!

 

[lunatic59]

Knock! Knock!

I'm not answering ... you're going to sell me encyclopedias.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

Nope. Olive!

Olive you and I don't care who knows.

 

[Clementine_3]

Two fleas retired and bought a dog.

 

[Daniel Fernandes]

- Do you know what really amazes me about you?

- No, what?

Spoiler

Oh, I was thinking about someone else...

 

[dontpanicbobby]

Burn! A you don't matter burn!

 

[no one]

Your face.

 

[Daniel Fernandes]

Can you give me an example of an amphibian?

- Frog

- That's right, but can you give me another example?

- Yes, another frog...

 

[psionandy]

What is good King Wenceslas favourite pizza?

One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even

 

[Zigman66]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.......

 

[Daniel Fernandes]

If someone likes someone's creations a lot, they're a big fan

If someone doesn't like someone's creations, does that make them the opposite of a fan and thus a wind turbine?

 

[lunatic59]

^^^ That's funny because it plays on the homophones "fan", short for fanatic or enthusiast, and "fan" the air moving appliance.

 

[Zigman66]

Hmm...... I wonder if there is an app to replace the wind moving appliance

A woman walks into a bar carrying a piglet under her arm. The bartender yells "Hey, you can bring that hairy gorilla in here!"
The woman replies "It isn't a gorilla, it's a pig!"
And the bartender says "I was talking to the pig!"

 

[lunatic59]

I wonder if there is an app to replace the wind moving appliance

Yep, it's called a mother-in-law.

 

[Zigman66]

I have MIL V7.2, It has lost most of it's functionality and only one future update is expected which will essentially remove said app. I have only had this app for 7 years but my wife, who had the original MMY V2.2 said the app was always pretty buggy to begin with

 

[Member243850]

What do you call a Mexican without a car? :--D

CARLOS!!!



Haha lol!!!

 

[Mike stanley]

I want to laugh...

How many twekers dose it too skruw in a light bulb???















**** it will smoke crank in the dark

 

[Zigman66]

Two guys walk into a bar. The first one says "OUCH!".......

 

[Zigman66]

A dirty joke: 2 pigs fell in the mud

A dirtier joke: 3 came out

 

[Zigman66]

A guy walks into a bar and saw a horse at the bar with a jar of money in front of it. The guy orders his beer and then asks the bartender "What's the deal with that horse standing at the bar?". The bartender replies "Well, you put $10 in the jar and then, if you can make the horse laugh, you get all the money in the jar". The guy thinks about it for a few minutes while finishing his beer. He then takes out $10, puts it in the jar, and whispers into the horses ear. The horse starts whinnying and laughing so the guy takes all the money out of the jar, tips his hat, and leaves. A week later the guy walks into the same bar and sees the same horse at the bar again. He orders his beer and asks the bartender "Still gotta make the horse laugh?". The bartender says "Nope, now you gotta make him cry". The guy thinks for a bit while drinking his beer. He then puts his $10 in the jar and leads the horse out the back door. a few moments later he brings the horse back in and, sure enough, the horse is crying. The guy takes the money out of the jar, tips his hat, and heads to the door. The bartender calls out " Hey! I have to ask... what did you say to the horse to make him laugh?". The guy said " I told him my schlong was bigger than his". "Ok," says the bartender, "then what did you do to make him cry??".



"I proved it!", he says.

 

[Zigman66]

It is so cold here that when I went to the bank this morning the teller was wearing a ski mask!

 

[dontpanicbobby]

Take my horse, please!

 

[Zigman66]

A guy walks up to the bar, orders his beer, and then says to the bartender " I will bet you $300 that I can stand at one end of your bar while you place a shot glass on the other end and I will be able to piss in it without spilling a drop". Now the bartender figures the guy is nuts and thinks this will be an easy bet so he sets up the shot glass and says "Go ahead and give it your best". The guy slams down the rest of his beer, gives a mighty belch, unzips his pants, and proceeds to piss all over the bar. The bartender laughs loudly and, with a big grin, holds out his hand "You owe me $300, fella!". While the guy is paying him the bartender sees a customer at a corner booth banging his head against the table. "What is the matter with that guy, do ya think?" the bartender says. "Him?" says the guy. Oh, I bet him $1000 I could piss all over your bar and you would laugh about it!"