Let's have some faith! Blyss has a lot on her real-life plate, but I'm sure it'll happen eventually.
That and when it starts we'll be here to help
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Root [Boost Mobile] [ROM] DS AnimeFantasy [Planning stage] [Your input requested]
- Thread starter Blyss
- Start date
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- Tags
- zte warp (n860)
That and when it starts we'll be here to help
Bah you guys made me feel all mushy lol. I'm actually using my phone right now. As for what's wrong with me:
#1 Dying mom
#2 I'm really poor lol
#3 I have a really bad addiction
That last one is responsible for most of my issues.
Chronic pain+ chronic addiction= bad times.
#1 Dying mom
#2 I'm really poor lol
#3 I have a really bad addiction
That last one is responsible for most of my issues.
Chronic pain+ chronic addiction= bad times.
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Do what ya gotta do, you'll get through it ^_^ I've survived a dying aunt, a dying mom, my parents divorce, heart attacks, hits by cars, fights, being jumped, alot more too but hell either I made it through or I'm just really tough to kill
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I've been playing this "game" for nearly... well all 29 of my years but especially the last four. Nothing ever seems to change. I never win, I never lose. Just on and on and on... I had a seizure and almost drowned the other day. When I told everyone I kinda wish I would have they predictably got angry with me. What's wrong with being dead lol? Is either eternal nothingness, or going to be with God. Either is better than this, isn't it?
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Eeh, well not always... had I drowned the 6 times I nearly did in my lifetime (not including all the other near death situations) I wouldn't have learned all I did about Android today. And I'm only 17. I'm grateful I'm alive, even though I had all that happen to me. If I were you, I'd push through. On top of that, we still gotta help you build AnimeFantasy and we can't do it without ya
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Eeh, well not always... had I drowned the 6 times I nearly did in my lifetime (not including all the other near death situations) I wouldn't have learned all I did about Android today. And I'm only 17. I'm grateful I'm alive, even though I had all that happen to me. If I were you, I'd push through. On top of that, we still gotta help you build AnimeFantasy and we can't do it without ya
I can't say that they're aren't things I enjoy, there are a lot. A cool thing that happened today was I got a 75$ keyboard for 99 cents at the thrift store:
Amazon.com : Logitech Illuminated Ultrathin Keyboard with Backlighting : Computer Keyboards : Electronics
I love music.
I love anime.
I love games.
I love gadgets.
But just that, none of it is worth the bullshit, the suffering, the pain. I used to have this saying: "Happiness is a moment." Meaning that happiness is very fleeting, whereas for me at least, pain is not. Pain is constant. Pain is my life. Peppered here and there with joyous moments, but totally not worth it.
Now... there is one thing that IS worth it... it's my whole point in living. It's why I haven't committed suicide. I'm gonna go sounding like a silly idealist but... the one thing that is worth it is friendship and/or love. That's the only thing I hold on to - that one day I will have people in my life that will make it worth it.
I DID have those people... one person was my best friend for two years and I was completely in love. I did confess my feelings, but the love part was completely one sided. However this person cared for me more honestly and openly than anyone ever had or has since. For two years they made my world go around. When I would go to bed at night after a really bad day I'd think "At least they will always be in my life."
I was so wrong...
I had told this person many times that if they ever desired to they could completely undo me. I didn't protect myself from this person's words - I let them go straight to my soul. And one fateful day about a year ago...
I can't really describe it. But for whatever reason this person completely flipped on me. Told me to kill myself. Said that though we had been friends in the past, they didn't consider me one anymore. I was just a burden. They had had enough of my troubles that never resolve. They were tired of trying so hard to care about me and watching it go nowhere. I honestly understand all that but... she didn't have to do it the way she did. She could have just said that honestly. I told her many times if I was ever bothering her or causing her trouble to tell me and I would stop talking to her or whatever. Nothing mattered to me more than her happiness.
But apparently she didn't believe me. In order to "get rid" of me she turned on me. The honest, caring, person turned into a complete demon who destroyed me.
After 2 months of her behaving like that and me at first being confused, then hurt, then angry I did a stupid thing. I had on three occasions asked for her address as I was going to be away from the computer but still wanted to write her. All three times she said she couldn't because of her husband, and the last time(right before all this happened) she said the thought made her uneasy. So in order to hurt her back the way she had me, I showed her that I in fact had her address. It wasn't hard to get, she had given me her first name, last name, city, and state. Whitepages.com did the rest.
But this set her off and she became convinced I had been stalking her. She let her husband in on it and he demanded we stop talking. I had repeatedly been saying to her up to this point "At least end it right, I deserve better than this." I begged her one last time and she at least explained to me what had happened. That her husband had been upset that she was spending so much time on the computer, that her counseling people(not just me) was bringing more stress into her life than she could handle, and that she had misinterpreted one of my messages in a way that basically made her feel I had broken an important promise to her about something I had said would never talk about. She admitted herself that she had overreacted and misinterpreted it.
And that was the end. That was a year ago. That was the last friend I had. So for someone who values friendship so much, the last year has been my worst. I keep reaching out to people only for them to react either by not believing me, or not wanting to be involved with someone so troubled. That is my life. So I drown my pain with pills. Oh so many pills. Sometimes more than 100 a day. Usually 20-30. Coming off of them is why I had that seizure in the bathtub and nearly drowned.
Every now and again I try to change my situation and do things that will have a positive effect in my life. And I do things like starting this project. But soon enough it all falls apart when I realize nothing has changed.
Anyway, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be all depressing, but now at least you know my story. I don't know what tomorrow holds or even the next five minutes. But I just can't take any more pain. I can't...
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Hey Blyss, depression is tough, and thats an undrstatement. You've got a lot going on, but I assure you, you are here for a reason. Maybe you just can't see or understand it yet, but never underestimate life. There are beautiful, wonderful things in this world, and maybe if you search more for them it will help you. On a side note, addiction is another struggle, and not one to be taken lightly. You need to stop the pills, and I know that's really hard, and I know it's what you have probably been trying to do, but thats really, really important to the health of your mentality. Do what will make you proud in yourself. Never give up, never surrender. Life truly is short, so look for the good, the fun (like anime), the wonders, and the beautiful. You are still young yet, and I wish you the best of fortune, and that you will be able to see how you need to move forward, and how to work all of this out. I have faith that you will be able to be yourself, and pull out of this rut someday! Good luck =].
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I appreciate the kind words. Especially since it helps me remember that not everyone in the world is a self centered ass like it often seems lol.
As far as the pills, to be honest I haven't been trying to stop. Not since all that stuff happened a year ago. My stupid body is all messed up and I have really bad chronic pain which I've been prescribed one pain pill or another for since 2006. I've quit them many times, sometimes for months but eventually I will wind up realizing that I'm better off being an addict than not. Because, when I don't take the pills I spend 95% of my time in bed because I hurt too much to get out. That's the truth of it. But it wouldn't be so bad if I just took them like I was supposed to. Except since I'm a complete addict whose trying to forget my life I never do.
However, I guess I'm making it sound hopeless when actually right now for the last week or so I've been trying to at least not be so depressed. The one thing that bothers me most of all seems to be constant - I'm pretty much alone. I'm a total hermit, I never leave the house unless it's related to pills or occasionally maybe to buy food. Except for I don't want to be that way, I want to go out, have friends, have a life. But for various reasons I can never seem to make that happen. And since that sort of thing is what I want the most(having people that matter to me in my life) I stay stuck in an eternal cycle of depression. Who wouldn't?
So I just decided to sort of... give up on that in a way. I've been trying to make friends and such for many years. I only ever succeeded twice, once is the story I told above and the other one lasted 8 years before it fell apart, and it was totally my fault that it did. Both of those friendships ended at almost exactly the same time. Despite the fact that people almost always really like me, unless they are the ones who try to make the friendship happen it doesn't, because I get scared and try to push people away at first. And since apparently that's not something that's gonna happen anymore(people making the effort to be friends with me), it's like I said - I just have to accept that it's out of my hands. Maybe I will be alone forever. I hope not; but it seems a definite possibility. Then if that's going to be the case, I decided to stop focusing my attention on how much it hurts to be alone and start focusing it on the things that I enjoy that I can have. I decided that a week ago after contemplating it more than a year and a half. It's not easy to accept that you're never gonna have the one thing you want, you know? Especially when it's something that lots of people take for granted.
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Hey I hope you're better now, at least a little, life can suck most of the time, or all the time, who the heck knows why, and why to some of us, I'm not a perfect person or a very encouraging one, but if you need to talk about whatever I'm here, ok?
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I'm not dead at least. I thought this thread was though. Lol.
The rom? It's about the same condition as it was. It has a custom boot animation based on this gif:
All of the base work is done, but not the theme. Colors are done, but no images. Tweaks to the zram and virtual memory are done. And I do occasionally use my N860.
And I have a wicked computer now!
Asrock 880 GM LE FX | Windows 7 Ultimate x64
AMD FX 6300 @ 4.12GHz | HIS Radeon 7870, 2GB 256 bit GDDR5 @ 1337MHz core, 1337MHz mem
8GB (2 x 4GB Dual Channel) Kingston HyperX XMP Blu Red DDR3 1600 @ 9,9,9,27
Seagate Barracuda 1TB 7200RPM HDD (Sequential R|W: 162|151 MB/Sec)
My life still sucks. I'm actually not on any meds right now. AND I've got a urinary tract infection. And it hurts. A lot.
That's about it!
I don't think I will ever finish this rom
UNLESS
someone with good drawing skills can help. Because I can't draw.
If you can and you wanna help. Email me. See my username? First name, last name right?
So fill in the blanks:
firstname.lastname [at] gmail [dot] com
Where firstname and lastname are... do I need to explain it this much? Lol.
Thanks for the well wishes!
Edit: woops, didn't use my full username here. Blyss Sarania. First name, last name. Got it!? lol
The rom? It's about the same condition as it was. It has a custom boot animation based on this gif:
All of the base work is done, but not the theme. Colors are done, but no images. Tweaks to the zram and virtual memory are done. And I do occasionally use my N860.
And I have a wicked computer now!
Asrock 880 GM LE FX | Windows 7 Ultimate x64
AMD FX 6300 @ 4.12GHz | HIS Radeon 7870, 2GB 256 bit GDDR5 @ 1337MHz core, 1337MHz mem
8GB (2 x 4GB Dual Channel) Kingston HyperX XMP Blu Red DDR3 1600 @ 9,9,9,27
Seagate Barracuda 1TB 7200RPM HDD (Sequential R|W: 162|151 MB/Sec)
My life still sucks. I'm actually not on any meds right now. AND I've got a urinary tract infection. And it hurts. A lot.
That's about it!
I don't think I will ever finish this rom
UNLESS
someone with good drawing skills can help. Because I can't draw.
If you can and you wanna help. Email me. See my username? First name, last name right?
So fill in the blanks:
firstname.lastname [at] gmail [dot] com
Where firstname and lastname are... do I need to explain it this much? Lol.
Thanks for the well wishes!
Edit: woops, didn't use my full username here. Blyss Sarania. First name, last name. Got it!? lol
Upvote
0
I'm not dead at least. I thought this thread was though. Lol.
The rom? It's about the same condition as it was. It has a custom boot animation based on this gif:
All of the base work is done, but not the theme. Colors are done, but no images. Tweaks to the zram and virtual memory are done. And I do occasionally use my N860.
And I have a wicked computer now!
Asrock 880 GM LE FX | Windows 7 Ultimate x64
AMD FX 6300 @ 4.12GHz | HIS Radeon 7870, 2GB 256 bit GDDR5 @ 1337MHz core, 1337MHz mem
8GB (2 x 4GB Dual Channel) Kingston HyperX XMP Blu Red DDR3 1600 @ 9,9,9,27
Seagate Barracuda 1TB 7200RPM HDD (Sequential R|W: 162|151 MB/Sec)
My life still sucks. I'm actually not on any meds right now. AND I've got a urinary tract infection. And it hurts. A lot.
That's about it!
I don't think I will ever finish this rom
UNLESS
someone with good drawing skills can help. Because I can't draw.
If you can and you wanna help. Email me. See my username? First name, last name right?
So fill in the blanks:
firstname.lastname [at] gmail [dot] com
Where firstname and lastname are... do I need to explain it this much? Lol.
Thanks for the well wishes!
Edit: woops, didn't use my full username here. Blyss Sarania. First name, last name. Got it!? lol
I would help but I'm no good at drawing anime at all lol I just stick to simple stuff in Photoshop...
I can help with resizing and helping to make everything fit in the rom though.
Upvote
0
I'm not dead at least. I thought this thread was though. Lol.
The rom? It's about the same condition as it was. It has a custom boot animation based on this gif:
All of the base work is done, but not the theme. Colors are done, but no images. Tweaks to the zram and virtual memory are done. And I do occasionally use my N860.
And I have a wicked computer now!
Asrock 880 GM LE FX | Windows 7 Ultimate x64
AMD FX 6300 @ 4.12GHz | HIS Radeon 7870, 2GB 256 bit GDDR5 @ 1337MHz core, 1337MHz mem
8GB (2 x 4GB Dual Channel) Kingston HyperX XMP Blu Red DDR3 1600 @ 9,9,9,27
Seagate Barracuda 1TB 7200RPM HDD (Sequential R|W: 162|151 MB/Sec)
My life still sucks. I'm actually not on any meds right now. AND I've got a urinary tract infection. And it hurts. A lot.
That's about it!
I don't think I will ever finish this rom
UNLESS
someone with good drawing skills can help. Because I can't draw.
If you can and you wanna help. Email me. See my username? First name, last name right?
So fill in the blanks:
firstname.lastname [at] gmail [dot] com
Where firstname and lastname are... do I need to explain it this much? Lol.
Thanks for the well wishes!
Edit: woops, didn't use my full username here. Blyss Sarania. First name, last name. Got it!? lol
I do draw as a living, I can help but it would be a slow process because most of my time is used on my art commissions and nobody charges a dime here so I won't do it either.
So once again "real life" gets dibs
If you like to see my work I'm on deviantART as ~oscarsama or my facebook page facebook.com/originaldigitalart
Maybe I'm not in tune with the style you look...
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I do draw as a living, I can help but it would be a slow process because most of my time is used on my art commissions and nobody charges a dime here so I won't do it either.
So once again "real life" gets dibs
If you like to see my work I'm on deviantART as ~oscarsama or my facebook page facebook.com/originaldigitalart
Maybe I'm not in tune with the style you look...
Holy
[list of words I can't say here]!
Dude.
Holy sh**!
You drew this:
???
I am a COMPLETE Vocaloid nut.
This could seriously happen...
Okay, well I will write more tomorrow. It's late and I gotta go to bed.
But yes... stuff like that. yes.
YES.
P.S. Can I use that as my pc wallpaper?
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Holy
[list of words I can't say here]!
Dude.
Holy sh**!
You drew this:
???
I am a COMPLETE Vocaloid nut.
This could seriously happen...
Okay, well I will write more tomorrow. It's late and I gotta go to bed.
But yes... stuff like that. yes.
YES.
P.S. Can I use that as my pc wallpaper?
Sure!
But technically that's not a draw it is a photo manipulation
I used a photo of the Luka figurine and the stock pink halo and then I "skillfully " put them like that...
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I can do stuff like that. I just can't create from nothing.
And yes I am a vocaloid nut.
See my youtube channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/Blyss4226
And yes I am a vocaloid nut.
See my youtube channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/Blyss4226
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Nice!
And about creating stuff I find harder and harder copying things rather than creating but most of my "anime" style stuff is unfinished or not as polished as I want them, so if you want us to work on something I'm up to it, just don't expect things fast =?
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Well, I won't be going fast either... I mean when did I announce this... and I'm sure the real world will own me... but anyway.
The big problem right now is describing what I want.
And btw I forget half the terminology for al lot of this stuff.
But I want icons drawn in an anime style for the notification menu and stuff like that. I should be able to find a suitable royalty free font(I'm rockin one on my phone right now actually) but the icons... I want them to look drawn. Actually look like they were drawn. Not unfinished mine you, but obviously drawn by hand?
Do you understand? I'm not sure how to explain what's in my head lol.
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Sure I do, that's what I do, people gives me a very vague idea and it's up to my imagination to materialize what they want, as you speak I'm already getting glimpses of the job.
I think I can sketch something really fast in the morning, since I'm between jobs.
I'll do something with the Wi-Fi icon to see if it is what you envision.
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Hmmm, I wanna use that Luka picture as my youtube channel art. I'll put your name on it, so can I?
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