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Tell me a joke...

watering-trees.jpg
 
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A self-conscious wife asks her husband, "Honey, are my boobs too small?"

"No, honey, they're fine, but if you want to make them bigger, why don't you rub toilet paper between them?" he suggests.

For the next couple of weeks, the wife rubs toilet paper between her boobs several times a day, but sees no results.

"Honey, where did you get the idea that this toilet paper thing would work?"

"Well, you've been rubbing toilet paper on your butt all these years and that's getting bigger."
 
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THE IRISH NEVER HESITATE TO COME TO THE AID OF THEIR FELLOW MAN, AIR PASSENGERS, IN THIS CASE.

SHORTLY AFTER TAKE-OFF ON AN OUTBOUND, EVENING AER LINGUS FLIGHT FROM DUBLIN TO BOSTON, THE LEAD FLIGHT ATTENDANT NERVOUSLY MADE THE FOLLOWING PAINFUL ANNOUNCEMENT IN HER LOVELY IRISH BROGUE:

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'M SO VERY SORRY, BUT IT APPEARS THAT THERE HAS BEEN A TERRIBLE MIX-UP BY OUR CATERING SERVICE. I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED, BUT WE HAVE 103 PASSENGERS ON BOARD, AND UNFORTUNATELY, WE RECEIVED ONLY 40 DINNER MEALS. I TRULY APOLOGIZE FOR THIS MISTAKE AND INCONVENIENCE."

WHEN THE MUTTERING OF THE PASSENGERS HAD DIED DOWN, SHE CONTINUED, "ANYONE WHO IS KIND ENOUGH TO GIVE UP THEIR MEAL SO THAT SOMEONE ELSE CAN EAT, WILL RECEIVE FREE AND UNLIMITED DRINKS FOR THE DURATION OF OUR 10 HOUR FLIGHT."

HER NEXT ANNOUNCEMENT CAME ABOUT 2 HOURS LATER:

"IF ANYONE IS HUNGRY, WE STILL HAVE 40 DINNERS AVAILABLE."
 
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A beautiful lady walks into a bar.
All heads turn
She walks up to 3 guys standing at the bar and says "I'll sleep with with which ever one of you who can use the words liver and cheese in a sentence I like."

The white guy says "I love liver and cheese."

The black guy says "I hate liver and cheese."

The Mexican says "liver alone cheese mine."

:)
 
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