Hypothetical scenario

Dngrsone · Oct 18, 2021

MoodyBlues said:
But why? What part of 'okay, so an hour from now' isn't clear?

Because some people are very literal, and require explicit instructions (my aforementioned children, for instance). You have to tell them task, time-frame, location, and quality standards; otherwise you will be disappointed.

MoodyBlues · Oct 18, 2021

Dngrsone said:
Because some people are very literal, and require explicit instructions (my aforementioned children, for instance). You have to tell them task, time-frame, location, and quality standards; otherwise you will be disappointed.

Oh, if you only knew how accurately you've hit this on the head........

Hadron · Oct 18, 2021

MoodyBlues said:
More input, please. I need your feedback to settle an argument.

A hypothetical argument, right?

As you describe it it sounds clear enough that my response would have been to knock on your door when I was finished whatever I was doing. I don't know whether the other hypothetical party would describe it the same way, of course (sorry, academic by profession, so have to include systematic uncertainties in my analysis!).

Though I can imagine someone waiting in a shared area of the flat for you to get them. I find that easiest to picture as a result of social uncertainty (if you are unsure whether you should disturb someone then the passive approach may be easier), though conceivably there are people who have a personal idea (like you don't disturb someone in their bedroom) that they assume is a universal rule. I would expect that if they have shared a flat for some time most people would know what the boundaries are, but I can't completely rule either out. But I feel that most people would just knock on the door.

However, some people have no sense of time, so with them I wouldn't automatically assume that "an hour" means something close to 60 minutes...

olbriar · Oct 18, 2021

Some people strive and even take pride in being punctual while others tend to generalize time. Through the years those generalizations seems to be the norm. An hour will mean that morning or that afternoon and in a day or two will be a week or so. I was not brought up that way and it has led to some miserable relationships through the years. Being a passive sort of guy I have learned to spell out time for the masses. I will ,meet you at 1:00 PM vs in an hour seems to work best for me.
I will give them a window of five to ten minutes beyond a specified time and then I'm done with them. In an hour is just to vague for the undiciplined. It shouldn't be... but it seems to be.

MoodyBlues · Oct 18, 2021

I deliberately kept my OP very vague, as Joe Friday [never actually] would say, "just the facts, ma'am!"

Here are a few more details to help clarify the relationship. The other person is free to come and go from my bedroom at will, never knocking or anything formal like that. They're in and out of here all the time, never asking permission to walk in, even when I'm getting dressed. They have seen me naked, wiped my butt when I was in diapers laid up in bed, and routinely help with grooming like brushing my hair when I can't get a tangle out myself.

With that additional knowledge....thoughts?

olbriar · Oct 18, 2021

I would say that it is not too much to expect of someone to be punctual but don't be surprised if you are disappointed nowadays. I suspect the rub would be if you expected promptness because of past similar scenarios and are now seeing a downward trend or this is a typical incident that you are accustomed to.

MoodyBlues · Oct 18, 2021

There's more I need to say, but will refrain until I think the thread is dead.

I don't want to sway or influence anyone.

MoodyBlues · Oct 29, 2021

No more input, eh? :thinking:

Then let me ask another related question. Assume that after the discussion happened as described in my OP, the other person never showed up to help with the project, and that I later asked why not. She thought *I* was going to come get her at the time we agreed on. I said something to the effect of, "when I make an appointment with my dentist, I don't call him later to remind him of the appointment!" To which she took offense, saying she's a human being, a person, not a business, and she doesn't make APPOINTMENTS on a personal level. :rolleyes:

Thoughts?

olbriar · Oct 29, 2021

People are people and impossible to take sides in a scenario that I'm far removed from. Only you can judge if this lack of care and resulting confrontation was typical or something you should be upset and feel slighted by. If I was expecting more because of a supporting past history I would like feel hurt. If this all was typical, I'd feel this was just another day in the life and wouldn't expect more.

MoodyBlues · Oct 29, 2021

Thanks for your thoughts, @olbriar. Honestly, with this person, it's a little hard to peg her as one way or another. At times, she's very thoughtful, prompt, remembers important appointments I have, stuff like that, but at other times, she fails miserably on just the easiest, no-brainer tasks!

As for *me* feeling upset or hurt or whatever, no, that was really never an issue. It was her reaction when I asked why she hadn't followed through that started this whole thing. That day, the "in about an hour" day, when she didn't come to my room I thought she must have gotten busy with something important, and it was like, oh well, no big deal, we can do it tomorrow. But tomorrow, when I asked "so what happened to the hour?" she got all bent out of shape, offended, insulted, you name it. :eek:

I was not expecting that at all! And by that time, I was thinking, shit, if ANYONE should be mad, it's me!! :mad:

olbriar · Oct 29, 2021

I have days where I'm not hitting on all cylinders. I think most everyone has a day now and then when they aren't at their best.
Perhaps it was one of those days for her. And who's to say, her taking offense to your question might have been her way of dealing with her own disappointment in herself. Judging people, even those you know well, is often a slippery slope.

MoodyBlues · Oct 29, 2021

olbriar said:
I have days where I'm not hitting on all cylinders. I think most everyone has a day now and then when they aren't at their best.
Perhaps it was one of those days for her. And who's to say, her taking offense to your question might have been her way of dealing with her own disappointment in herself. Judging people, even those you know well, is often a slippery slope.

Very well said.

I've known her for 15 years, and this is the first time we've really had a serious issue. It all seems so trivial when I think about it, but her reaction made me wonder, you know, am *I* just really out of touch with reality? Am I oblivious to how other people feel? I pride myself on having great empathy for other living beings, and in my wildest dreams couldn't have imagined that something as minute as meeting up in an hour could turn into a big deal like it has!

olbriar · Oct 29, 2021

The grand thing about life is that time seems to erode away most all rough edges.

Dngrsone · Oct 29, 2021

Some people just don't take criticism (in any form) very well... she realized she screwed up, but isn't the type to admit that, so went on the defensive (where the best defense is an offense :rolleyes:

)

MoodyBlues · Oct 30, 2021

Dngrsone said:
Some people just don't take criticism (in any form) very well... she realized she screwed up, but isn't the type to admit that, so went on the defensive (where the best defense is an offense )

Yes, and this fits very well with other behaviors I've seen from her in the past. I never understand that reaction. I mean, when I screw up--and I've screwed up royally in my time!--I just say, yeah, you're right, I did and I'm sorry (or whatever's appropriate), and move on. I also learn from it. I try never to make the same mistake twice. I don't like being wrong, but I recognize when I *AM* wrong, and try to learn from it. I don't think there's any shame in admitting you're wrong, so I never understand the defensive reaction. *shrug*

Milo Williamson · Nov 2, 2021

Hmm... That is what my feelings is of having to reside at my Mother's for a bit, yeah people tend to push away others as they are needed for about "Give me an hour" sometimes, and other times when impromptu action, I tend to pack sometimes when people do act up though, and sometimes I will rush out without changing back from my sweatpants to my demins or even a few of my Kakhi's i have in the dresser, it only takes a few seconds to put on a pair right, so yeah... that is a big challenge. to deal with of talking with them and saying "Know what please I will help you in the bed room, like put on some sheets on and give me a second, I am a middle of a post that will take me more time to talk with whomever I wanted, or even keep at the things.." Then I usually do come to talk with her from time to time too.

Still that is a great quesiton sis.

Deleted User · Nov 2, 2021

I overheard a conversation in a cafe today. Two tradesmen talking about some home owner who had a full time handyman, who he referred to as the painter.
Apparently one had dealt with him several times and spoke very highly of this nice older gentleman.

Apparently he had a reputation though for quoting "an hour' to do any job.
Rebuild the house, hang a picture, tighten a screw. Everything was an hour.

I think to many people an hour is not a unit of time, just an agreement to do something. That rung a bell with me too.

I can't comment on an individual you know well, and you were more specific but it's probably a phrase that gets handed down and has generally lost a literal meaning to many.

:thinking:

(shutting up now)

Hypothetical scenario

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