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All Sex (NSFW)

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by jacobtaa, Jun 20, 2010.

  1. jacobtaa

    jacobtaa New Member
    Thread Starter
    6

    Jun 3, 2010
    1
    1
    6
    Two men were talking. 'So, how's your sex life?'
    'Oh, nothing special. I'm having Pension sex.'
    'Pension sex?' 'Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!'
    ------------------------------------------------------------

    LOUD SEX A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
    'I've got a big problem, doctor.
    Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes,
    He lets out this ear splitting yell.'

    'My dear,' the shrink said, 'that's completely natural.
    I don't see what the problem is.'
    'The problem is,' she complained, 'it wakes me up!'
    ------------------------------------------------------------

    QUIET SEX
    Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
    During a recent lovemaking session,
    'How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?'
    She glanced at him and replied, 'You're never home!'

    ------------------------------------------------------------
    CONFOUNDED SEX

    A man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic.
    The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for 'small,
    $6,500 for 'medium, and $14,000 for 'large.'

    The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him
    To talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
    The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
    The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.

    'Well, what have the two of you decided?' asked the doctor.

    'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.'
    ------------------------------------------------------------

    WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
    A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their
    40th wedding anniversary The husband yelled, 'When you die, I'm getting
    You a headstone that reads:
    'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'.'

    'Yeah,' she replies, 'when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
    'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.' '
    ------------------------------------------------------------

    WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX
    My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said,
    'This will make you happy tonight.'
    He was right. When he went out of the bedroom,
    I squirted it all over the doorknobs.
    He couldn't get back in.

    ------------------------------------------------------------

    ELDERLY SEX
    One night, an 87 year-old woman came home from Bingo and found
    Her 92 year-old husband in bed with another woman.
    She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony
    Of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment, killing him instantly.

    Brought before the court on the charge of murder,
    The judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense.
    She began coolly, 'Yes, your honor. I figured that at 92, if he could have sex...
    He could also fly.'

    _________________
    D.J.
    gia sư
     

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    ERISLOVER likes this.
  2. ERISLOVER

    ERISLOVER Well-Known Member
    36

    Mar 5, 2010
    115
    6
    36
    D.C.
    I used the thanks as a like button. This section fail deserves a like.
     
  3. dirtmouth

    dirtmouth Well-Known Member
    36

    Feb 14, 2010
    361
    6
    36
    Corpus Christi , Texas
    HAHA ! Good Stuff
     
  4. kamots

    kamots Well-Known Member
    36

    Mar 9, 2010
    152
    3
    36
    What the french?, toast!
     
  5. Jmtegra

    Jmtegra Well-Known Member
    58

    Feb 28, 2010
    338
    12
    58
    Pensacola, FL
  6. xx_bishop_xx

    xx_bishop_xx Well-Known Member
    163

    Dec 18, 2009
    1,311
    173
    163
    Texas
    How very random.
     
  7. Trident

    Trident Well-Known Member
    333

    Jan 20, 2010
    3,035
    2,307
    333
    I wear many hats
    Virginia Beach, VA
    Moved to The Lounge and title edited to include NSFW pending staff evaluation.
     
    Frisco likes this.
  8. bluenova

    bluenova OK Computer
    143

    Jan 11, 2010
    1,617
    243
    143
    Driver
    W Midlands, UK
    Interesting first post.
     
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