Help! a 20yo girl know if she should stay or go

[Brïïzy]

Hi! I recently broke up with my bf of 9-10 months and moved out due to the relationship being incredibly toxic and abusive. He came to me and said he’s getting into therapy and changing himself. Long story short he sent me a screenshot, trying to prove himself, that he wasn’t doing wrong but I saw an unfamiliar and weird notification, I attached a picture of it.

 

[ozonetrooper]

 

[The_Chief]

Abuse is a cycle. He will hurt you, apologize, sweet talk you back, hurt you, apologize, sweet talk you back... over and over and over. If he's really getting help and correcting his abuse cycle, hooray for the next woman. NOT YOU - get out, get away, wish him well, and stay gone!

 

[lunatic59]

^^^ What he said. Go.

Do not hesitate to get the authorities involved if he acts inappropriately after that.

 

[Brïïzy]

That is true, you’re completely right and I do want to get out for good, he has a history of this in his past, the cycle of abuse, apologize, sweet talk you back and then abuse again. He’s 33 and I’m 20, I am deep into a trauma bond. I know that if I can know for sure this is a dating app I would be able to get over this situation a bit more, cheating is a HUGE boundary for me that would be crossed. Thank you for the great responses, if anyone knows I’m all ears!

 

[The_Chief]

I don't know where you are, but there are many support groups and organizations around the world to help you get out, get away and keep him away. Do not let him convince you that you need him for anything: abuse is a matter of extremely low self-esteem: so as low as he thinks he is, he must keep you even lower in order to feel better about himself. You are stronger than you think; smarter than you believe and capable of so much more than you can imagine. GET OUT.

 

[svim]

I tend to agree with the other comments, you need to just take a few deep breathes, cut him out of your life, and move on. This does sound like a really toxic relationship and it's not very likely going to change for the better.

But regarding that screen shot you said he sent to you, was it just a photo jpg file or was there anything included that you inadvertently installed onto your phone?
Also, just to clarify, is that screen shot you posted of your phone or is it what he sent to you?

 

[Brïïzy]

Thank you, I agree, I’ve recently found the app y’all! It’s tagged, a dating app and ofc he was on it and I should’ve known. I’m officially trying to cut him out my life rn. Liars and cheaters are my biggest pet peeves and he’s both and I’ve forgiven wayyyyy too much! For a while I’ve thought he was a narcissist and this and the continuous lying, even after I caught him he confessed kinda and said he was on there but hasn’t done anything. But then tried to say he only confessed so I wouldn’t be mad and he doesn’t even have access to that account. Obviously I don’t buy this, I’m done with him.

 

[DonB]

I Moved your thread out of the game section, to the Off topic section, good luck

 

[The_Chief]

Great to hear, Briizy, please let us know when you are safely away... and around the end of the year, please give us a final follow-up to tell us how you are doing. I hope to hear that you have a nice place, a good job, real friends and PEACE!

 

[ozonetrooper]

Ahhh to be young again knowing what I know now ....

You have a long life ahead of you, try and make the right decisions and it will all work out.

 

[Milo Williamson]

Besides you still have a long life ahead of you, try to make the right decisions and it will work out, and be honest with your friends and family, please keep touch with us.

 

[The_Chief]

Briizy, you will find a man who values you and puts you on a pedestal, instead of putting you down. I have been married with my Darling Bride since 1990 and I still wake her in the morning with coffee in bed. I absolutely adore her and encourage her interests, even though they are wildly different from my own. I support her... and your man should support you and lift you up: encouraging you to do more, learn more, contribute more. As you lift each other up, you grow ever closer. Any man who puts you down is the wrong man for you. We look forward to a good report from you.