well i would try mikg 3.11 as it is the best rom really to start out with. it is waaaay better then stock.

as far as kernels go that will depend on your device. all kernels react differently on different phones so what works for you may not work for me. i would start out with the aggressive freedom kernel. and always give the kernel a few days before moving on.

also do not forget to make a nandroid backup before flashing kernels.

 

depends what you want ... your questions are so broad because there are sooooo many rom/kernel choices. For starters i am going to suggest a AOSP rom with a SBC Kernel. Try CyanogenMod 7.2 rom with a tiamat sbc kernel. Let us know what you think. Flash a bunch of different sense and aosp roms and you will figure out which you prefer as you go. Good luck!

 

+1 On there being so many choices. Best advice I can give you is, make a nand backup and get your flash on!