When I was a lot younger... all I ever wanted was ridiculous success and isolation or to be left alone... in my little ivory tower... now that I am getting older and I am starting to succeed very well... I feel that isolation is a painful life... I feel so sad sometimes... I feel all the money in the world and all sorts of titles and little shiny badges... feel meaningless all of a sudden... could never make me happy like I once thought they could... I was warned by many of my great long time friends at the crazy success rate I am moving in - I am going to have my mid life crisis A LOT earlier in my life than normal people they said... it feels very true now I see what they mean. I am missing so much in my life... I once believed success was the center of the universe... now I feel like everything I thought was extremely important is now meaningless... just nothing... I had someone in my life... but it was extremely painful... a very very very bad experience... now I have this fear of letting nobody in to the point where I don't even want any more people in my life... out of fear... but I want love so badly... I want love so badly but yet so afraid to let anybody in... because of being hurt too much like before Have you ever been hurt so badly in love that you can't even think straight? That black seems white and whits seems black and everything seems like a lie? I don't know if I am ready to go down that road again... I have been liked by many women ... but they never seem to fit the bill... many that really like me but they can see I am very weary... It is dangerous to let certain people into your life. "Pain is knowledge" I would love to share my life with somebody.... but I am always fearful of being hurt like that all over again.... please tell me I am not alone Don't you just wish you could have somebody in your life and never have the fear of being torn apart?