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"One Liners" thread

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by rootabaga, Dec 22, 2014.

  1. IamWhoIam

    IamWhoIam Newbie

    It is what it is.
     


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  2. EarlyMon

    EarlyMon The PearlyMon
    VIP Member

    ^^ Ah - so, you're a professional comedian eh?
     
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  3. crutchcorn

    crutchcorn Android Expert

    It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious.
     
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  4. Curtis1973

    Curtis1973 Android Expert

    "One woman I was dating called and said,'Come on over,there's nobody home!' .. I went over,nobody was home." - Rodney Dangerfield

    :thinking: I tell ya I get no respect!
     
  5. olbriar

    olbriar  
    Moderator

    He who laughs last is usually a bit slow on the uptake.
     
  6. shmn

    shmn Android Enthusiast

    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”

    ― Albert Einstein
     
  7. EarlyMon

    EarlyMon The PearlyMon
    VIP Member

    Absence makes the heart grow fonder - of more absence.
     
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  8. psionandy

    psionandy Extreme Android User

    Absinthe makes the mind go wander...
     
  9. sntaylor

    sntaylor Android Expert

    I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.



    I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.


    Both stolen from Tim vine
     
  10. EarlyMon

    EarlyMon The PearlyMon
    VIP Member

    I got a dog from a blacksmith - first thing he did was make a bolt for the door.
     
  11. Clementine_3

    Clementine_3 Extreme Android User
    VIP Member

    Two fleas retired and bought a dog.
     
  12. lunatic59

    lunatic59 Moderati ergo sum
    Moderator

    A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "so why the long face?"
     
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  13. EarlyMon

    EarlyMon The PearlyMon
    VIP Member

    Two men walk into a bar, one ducks.

    Duck tried to order a round for everyone and put it on his bill.
     
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  14. Doit2it

    Doit2it Android Expert

    I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
     
    amarie82, Stuntman, Skynet11 and 5 others like this.
  15. teddyearp

    teddyearp Android Expert

    Ah'm yer huckleberry . . . . .
     
  16. alostpacket

    alostpacket Over Macho Grande?

    Confucius say: man who go to sleep with itchy butt, wake up with smelly fingers.
     
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  17. olbriar

    olbriar  
    Moderator

    Confucius say: Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
     
  18. Podivin

    Podivin Android Expert

    Counting to 10 only makes it premeditated.
     
  19. sntaylor

    sntaylor Android Expert

    But punching after 4 makes it more unexpected ;-)
     
  20. EarlyMon

    EarlyMon The PearlyMon
    VIP Member

    If you think that violence isn't the answer, you're not using enough of it.
     
  21. Podivin

    Podivin Android Expert

    I long for a world where a chicken can cross the road without having its motives questioned.
     
  22. bjacks12

    bjacks12 Android Expert

    If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you..
     
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  23. DealerMan

    DealerMan Well-Known Member

    When in doubt,....

    hehehehehe
     
    amarie82 likes this.
  24. bjacks12

    bjacks12 Android Expert

    A baby seal walks into a club...
     
    alostpacket, olbriar and lunatic59 like this.
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