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"One Liners" thread

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by rootabaga, Dec 22, 2014.

  1. IamWhoIam

    IamWhoIam Newbie

    It is what it is.

    alostpacket likes this.
  2. EarlyMon

    EarlyMon The PearlyMon
    VIP Member

    ^^ Ah - so, you're a professional comedian eh?
    alostpacket, Skynet11 and Unforgiven like this.
  3. crutchcorn

    crutchcorn Android Expert

    It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious.
    bjacks12 and olbriar like this.
  4. Curtis1973

    Curtis1973 Android Expert

    "One woman I was dating called and said,'Come on over,there's nobody home!' .. I went over,nobody was home." - Rodney Dangerfield

    :thinking: I tell ya I get no respect!
  5. olbriar


    He who laughs last is usually a bit slow on the uptake.
  6. shmn

    shmn Android Enthusiast

    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”

    ― Albert Einstein
  7. EarlyMon

    EarlyMon The PearlyMon
    VIP Member

    Absence makes the heart grow fonder - of more absence.
    whitehat, olbriar, Unforgiven and 2 others like this.
  8. psionandy

    psionandy Extreme Android User

    Absinthe makes the mind go wander...
  9. sntaylor

    sntaylor Android Expert

    I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.

    I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

    Both stolen from Tim vine
  10. EarlyMon

    EarlyMon The PearlyMon
    VIP Member

    I got a dog from a blacksmith - first thing he did was make a bolt for the door.
  11. Clementine_3

    Clementine_3 Extreme Android User
    VIP Member

    Two fleas retired and bought a dog.
  12. lunatic59

    lunatic59 Moderati ergo sum

    A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "so why the long face?"
    Member2035261 and olbriar like this.
  13. EarlyMon

    EarlyMon The PearlyMon
    VIP Member

    Two men walk into a bar, one ducks.

    Duck tried to order a round for everyone and put it on his bill.
    alostpacket and olbriar like this.
  14. Doit2it

    Doit2it Android Expert

    I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
    amarie82, Stuntman, Skynet11 and 5 others like this.
  15. teddyearp

    teddyearp Android Expert

    Ah'm yer huckleberry . . . . .
  16. alostpacket

    alostpacket Over Macho Grande?

    Confucius say: man who go to sleep with itchy butt, wake up with smelly fingers.
    amarie82, lunatic59 and olbriar like this.
  17. olbriar


    Confucius say: Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
  18. Podivin

    Podivin Android Expert

    Counting to 10 only makes it premeditated.
  19. sntaylor

    sntaylor Android Expert

    But punching after 4 makes it more unexpected ;-)
  20. EarlyMon

    EarlyMon The PearlyMon
    VIP Member

    If you think that violence isn't the answer, you're not using enough of it.
  21. Podivin

    Podivin Android Expert

    I long for a world where a chicken can cross the road without having its motives questioned.
  22. bjacks12

    bjacks12 Android Expert

    If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you..
    Member2035261, olbriar and EarlyMon like this.
  23. DealerMan

    DealerMan Well-Known Member

    When in doubt,....

    amarie82 likes this.
  24. bjacks12

    bjacks12 Android Expert

    A baby seal walks into a club...
    alostpacket, olbriar and lunatic59 like this.

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