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"One Liners" thread

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by rootabaga, Dec 22, 2014.

  1. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast
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    Last time I got pulled over I asked if he was giving me a ticket to the policeman's ball to which he replied "Policemen don't have balls".
     

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  2. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast
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    Help wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply
     
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  3. shalemail

    shalemail Android Expert
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    We live in a world where lemonade has artificial flavors but cleaning supplies use real lemon.
    :thinking:
     
  4. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast
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    Do witches use a spell checker?
     
  5. dontpanicbobby

    dontpanicbobby Android Expert
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    Why do people drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?
     
  6. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast
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    5 out of 4 people have trouble with statistics
     
  7. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast
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    I thank my lucky stars I'm not superstitious.
     
  8. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast
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    A seminar on time travel will be held 2 weeks ago
     
  9. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast
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    I used to be indecisive but now I am not so sure
     
  10. psionandy

    psionandy Android Expert
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    I'm not paranoid, they are just spreading rumours that I am to ruin my reputation....
     
  11. shalemail

    shalemail Android Expert
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    If humanity is not inherently evil explain pinatas to me.
     
  12. psionandy

    psionandy Android Expert
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    This children's entertainer shows what bravery is....

     
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  13. shalemail

    shalemail Android Expert
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    It's called the atmoSPHERE not the atmosFLAT
     
  14. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast
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    Am I ignorant or apathetic?

    I don't know and I don't care!
     
  15. Unforgiven

    Unforgiven OK Google
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  16. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast
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    Can you repeat the part of "Listen very carefully"?

    Better??
     
  17. dontpanicbobby

    dontpanicbobby Android Expert
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    One line. Fliipped it. That was two @Zigman66.
     
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  18. shalemail

    shalemail Android Expert
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    Considering most people are buried in their Sunday best, the beginning of the zombie apocalypse will be quite the formal affair.
     
  19. shalemail

    shalemail Android Expert
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    Humans are the perfect example of how dangerous an invasive species is to the local environment.
     
  20. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast
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    I can never find the time to procrastinate
     
  21. shalemail

    shalemail Android Expert
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    They say the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach, I always found the rib spreaders to be more efficient.
     
  22. psionandy

    psionandy Android Expert
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    I thought we were communicating with some angry dolphins earlier, but it turns out we were just talking at cross porpoises!
     
  23. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast
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    If you believe in telekinesis raise my hand
     
  24. lunatic59

    lunatic59 Moderati ergo sum
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    As a clairvoyant, I knew you were going to say that.
     
  25. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast
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    Impossible! I was wearing my tinfoil hat!
     
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