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Tell me a joke...

Discussion in 'Forum Games' started by Daniel Fernandes, Nov 16, 2017.

  1. Daniel Fernandes

    Daniel Fernandes Android Enthusiast
    Thread Starter

    I want to laugh...
     



    1. Download the Forums for Android™ app!


      Download

       
  2. lunatic59

    lunatic59 Moderati ergo sum
    Moderator

    How many Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Two. One to do it and one NOT to do it.
     
  3. dontpanicbobby

    dontpanicbobby 100% That Guy
    VIP Member

    Knock! Knock!
     
    Daniel Fernandes likes this.
  4. lunatic59

    lunatic59 Moderati ergo sum
    Moderator

    I'm not answering ... you're going to sell me encyclopedias.

     
  5. dontpanicbobby

    dontpanicbobby 100% That Guy
    VIP Member

    Nope. Olive!

    Olive you and I don't care who knows.
     
    lunatic59 and Daniel Fernandes like this.
  6. Clementine_3

    Clementine_3 Extreme Android User
    VIP Member

    Two fleas retired and bought a dog.
     
  7. Daniel Fernandes

    Daniel Fernandes Android Enthusiast
    Thread Starter

    - Do you know what really amazes me about you?

    - No, what?

    Oh, I was thinking about someone else...
     
    lunatic59 likes this.
  8. dontpanicbobby

    dontpanicbobby 100% That Guy
    VIP Member

    Burn! A you don't matter burn!
     
    Daniel Fernandes likes this.
  9. no one

    no one Android Expert

    Your face. [​IMG]
     
  10. Daniel Fernandes

    Daniel Fernandes Android Enthusiast
    Thread Starter

    Can you give me an example of an amphibian?

    - Frog

    - That's right, but can you give me another example?

    - Yes, another frog...
     
    lunatic59 likes this.
  11. psionandy

    psionandy Extreme Android User

    What is good King Wenceslas favourite pizza?

    One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even
     
  12. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast

    A dyslexic man walks into a bra.......
     
  13. Daniel Fernandes

    Daniel Fernandes Android Enthusiast
    Thread Starter

    If someone likes someone's creations a lot, they're a big fan

    If someone doesn't like someone's creations, does that make them the opposite of a fan and thus a wind turbine?
     
    lunatic59 and Mikestony like this.
  14. lunatic59

    lunatic59 Moderati ergo sum
    Moderator

    ^^^ That's funny because it plays on the homophones "fan", short for fanatic or enthusiast, and "fan" the air moving appliance.

    [​IMG]
     
  15. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast

    Hmm...... I wonder if there is an app to replace the wind moving appliance

    A woman walks into a bar carrying a piglet under her arm. The bartender yells "Hey, you can bring that hairy gorilla in here!"
    The woman replies "It isn't a gorilla, it's a pig!"
    And the bartender says "I was talking to the pig!"
     
  16. lunatic59

    lunatic59 Moderati ergo sum
    Moderator

    Yep, it's called a mother-in-law.
     
    Daniel Fernandes and Unforgiven like this.
  17. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast

    I have MIL V7.2, It has lost most of it's functionality and only one future update is expected which will essentially remove said app. I have only had this app for 7 years but my wife, who had the original MMY V2.2 said the app was always pretty buggy to begin with
     
  18. Member243850

    Member243850 Guest

    What do you call a Mexican without a car? :--D

    CARLOS!!!

    :D:D:D

    Haha lol!!!
     
    Daniel Fernandes and lunatic59 like this.
  19. Mike stanley

    Mike stanley Newbie

    How many twekers dose it too skruw in a light bulb???















    **** it will smoke crank in the dark
     
    Daniel Fernandes likes this.
  20. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast

    Two guys walk into a bar. The first one says "OUCH!".......
     
    Daniel Fernandes and lunatic59 like this.
  21. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast

    A dirty joke: 2 pigs fell in the mud

    A dirtier joke: 3 came out
     
    Daniel Fernandes and lunatic59 like this.
  22. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast

    A guy walks into a bar and saw a horse at the bar with a jar of money in front of it. The guy orders his beer and then asks the bartender "What's the deal with that horse standing at the bar?". The bartender replies "Well, you put $10 in the jar and then, if you can make the horse laugh, you get all the money in the jar". The guy thinks about it for a few minutes while finishing his beer. He then takes out $10, puts it in the jar, and whispers into the horses ear. The horse starts whinnying and laughing so the guy takes all the money out of the jar, tips his hat, and leaves. A week later the guy walks into the same bar and sees the same horse at the bar again. He orders his beer and asks the bartender "Still gotta make the horse laugh?". The bartender says "Nope, now you gotta make him cry". The guy thinks for a bit while drinking his beer. He then puts his $10 in the jar and leads the horse out the back door. a few moments later he brings the horse back in and, sure enough, the horse is crying. The guy takes the money out of the jar, tips his hat, and heads to the door. The bartender calls out " Hey! I have to ask... what did you say to the horse to make him laugh?". The guy said " I told him my schlong was bigger than his". "Ok," says the bartender, "then what did you do to make him cry??".



    "I proved it!", he says.
     
    puppykickr, Davdi, MrJavi and 3 others like this.
  23. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast

    It is so cold here that when I went to the bank this morning the teller was wearing a ski mask!
     
    Daniel Fernandes and lunatic59 like this.
  24. dontpanicbobby

    dontpanicbobby 100% That Guy
    VIP Member

    Take my horse, please! :rolleyes:
     
    Daniel Fernandes likes this.
  25. Zigman66

    Zigman66 Android Enthusiast

    A guy walks up to the bar, orders his beer, and then says to the bartender " I will bet you $300 that I can stand at one end of your bar while you place a shot glass on the other end and I will be able to piss in it without spilling a drop". Now the bartender figures the guy is nuts and thinks this will be an easy bet so he sets up the shot glass and says "Go ahead and give it your best". The guy slams down the rest of his beer, gives a mighty belch, unzips his pants, and proceeds to piss all over the bar. The bartender laughs loudly and, with a big grin, holds out his hand "You owe me $300, fella!". While the guy is paying him the bartender sees a customer at a corner booth banging his head against the table. "What is the matter with that guy, do ya think?" the bartender says. "Him?" says the guy. Oh, I bet him $1000 I could piss all over your bar and you would laugh about it!"
     
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