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Well... This is interesting (dating observations)

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Snow_Fox, Oct 14, 2010.

  1. Snow_Fox

    Snow_Fox Android Expert
    Thread Starter

    Mar 31, 2010
    I've been single for quite some time now.. about a month..which is and isn't a long time given my previous circumstances..

    However, For laughs I've been checking dating websites and well I always wondered why older guys dated younger girls.. I have always preferred to try with girls closer to my age.. however, well.. I suppose its different when your 18 looking for an 18 year old girlfriend..

    I am not trying to generalize women here and I know that not *ALL* women are like this however, I have noted something very disturbing about women in my age group (I'm 22).

    I find it amazing that some women are so.... I don't even know the right word..I would say picky... that doesn't quite cut it.. I want to say lazy which seems more accurate.. Greedy isn't a bad word in this case either..

    Again, I am not talking about all women.. but, I have noticed a good bit out there.. who have nothing to offer in a relationship wanting a guy who already owns his own house, car, and has a "steady job". While the person making the demands says absolutely nothing about themself be it on craigs list or various dating websites. They will list their pay as under 20k a year..or have no income listed.

    I believe age is a number I really do. I acknowledge that men and women evolved to look for certain things in a partner so it works out.. Women look for security... use to be in the form of a strong capable male. Now it is strong capable and well... stable as a whole.. Stable job stable mind ect ect. And these are good traits to look for in a potential mate! However, I also believe that if you are going to say flat out "if you don't have your own house don't bother talking to me!" (notice they don't wan a guy with a "home" which could be things other than a house) Well.. fairs fair, I understand that a 28 year old is more like to be in that mood to "settle down" have a home and have financial affluence..

    I don't blame any woman for seeking out positive traits in a man. However, if your a woman at the age of 20, I really, really doubt your going to own your own house, car and be financially independent yourself.

    Part of why this bothers me.. is I do realize that men look at a womans physical appearance to determine whether or not they want her. They want a woman who has certain physical traits because, its an indication of health and ultimately the ability to produce a baby. In a lot of ways its natural to be attracted to younger women because, they have more reproductive time. (note, I'm not trying to justify pedophilia here so don't even bring up that argument). And I won't knock a guy for dating a younger girl.. I'm considering it myself these days..

    However, I am really wondering if these women do find the men they are looking for that own their own houses and cars... How these relationships are going to play out.. Financial security in exchange for babies. I wonder if then, the women will complain or cheat when they realize they are in a completely loveless relationship.. "Oh my god he was such a jerk, he treated me like an object!" should receive the response "well.. your the one who was looking for financial security, he is the one who was looking for sex.."

    Now ladies, if you are A. in college. B. Have a job making enough money that you have something to put on the table. Or even C. just happened to fall for an older guy as is natural to some degree..

    Then please this isn't directed at you in anyway. I personally am not interested in anyone without goals.. however, that doesn't mean they have to have already reached them..

    I think a personal issue on this for me is that my last girlfriend and I, did break up in part because, we were never at the same place in life, always somewhere close but, not quite at the same place. While age is just a number.. I really don't believe all these girls are 8-10 years more mature than a guy their age meaning they need to go for the 28/30 year old crowd.

    Again ladies if you are dating someone 8-10 years older than you this isn't aimed at you unless your requirements were "you better own a house!" and you had a min wage or no job at all...

    heck, I could be totally wrong.. but, it still baffles me.

    I mean.. if I had the idea these women had any ambition other than marrying up I wouldn't care.. but, they don't seem to be interested in bettering themselves.. just moving up in life...

    With all that said.. I actually met a girl 4 years younger than myself and feel awkward talking to her, though we may end up catching a movie sooner or later.. luckily she isn't looking for a guy with his own house. I mean.. my last relationship ended in part due to stress..its hard to balance a home life, a work life, and school life.. However, for what it is worth my ex and I did love each other and still care about each other.. and if it had worked out then that would have been something to be incredibly proud of.. That we didn't have "perfect" circumstances and that we worked through things. Actually.. I take some pride in that even though the relationship failed..

    Why face potential hardship, personal development and life lessons? If you can just grab an older guy with his own house, car and financial stability who already did all of the personal growth and development.. You get to skip the hard parts!

    For the third time.. if you love a guy older than yourself.. and weren't thinking about what the size of his house or car is.. this isn't aimed at you..


    IOWA likes this.
  2. tommy_ed

    tommy_ed Android Expert

    Feb 26, 2010
    Verizon Wireless Sales, Traveling Musician
    i would think so, she's illegal bro! lol
  3. IOWA

    IOWA Mr. Logic Pants

    Dec 2, 2009
    Network Admin
    All those observations, 100% right.

    It's funny now, quite a few of the girls i went to high school with wouldn't give me the time of day. But now they see me with my "toys" and decent car, and fiance in tow, and it seems they are more interested in me then ever.

    Those girls.. you don't want. They'll leave you in a second if they feel their personal bank(you) has run dry.

    You just gotta find the right girl. They are far and VERY VERY few inbetween, but unconditional love still exists. And that 4 years thing? Don't worry about it. I've been with my fiance coming up on 6 years now, I've known her since she was 14, and I was 17. I'm pretty much exactly 3.5 years older than her. Does it bother us? Never. We didn't start dating until her 17th birthday. Yeah, we both waited for it. (17 is legal in IL). If you feel this is your shot at unconditional love, that by all means, shoot for the stars.
  4. dunn2010

    dunn2010 Member

    Sep 10, 2010

    I think on dating sites everyone will aim higher then what they expect to get... This is incase they end up with the complete opposite of some scregg with no ambition and no future.

    Have you tried contacting any of them to see if they would be interested in you? If there on a dating website it means there having relationship problems as well (most times) so they will aim high but won't expect to get that high. Its like a car salesman, they slap a nice $10000 price on a car (aiming high) but will easily be brought down and settle with something lower.

    Also the best way to meet people is to go out and meet people personally, ask a girl out for dinner, buy them a drink on a night out. If you see a girl your attracted to in the street or on a bus go ask them out, its only conversation and the worst you can get is a no. if you do get a no , your in the same place you were when you started and you've lost nothing. I'm sorry but things like dating websites, and other websites like facebook etc where the majority of the communication is done through the websites annoy me, Far to many people now are using these sites as a substitute for socialising, and getting to know poeple.

    If you want to meet a girl , organise a night out with some friends (i dont mean clubbing etc, you can go out for a drink at a bar etc, or even bowling you can go anywhere to meet woman) knock up some dutch courage with a few bevvys and go ask some girls out.

    just my feelings, get off the sites and go meet people the old fashioned way. you will find girls arn't as shallow as the sites portray. (and if you find yourself getitng knocked back by lodes of extremly sexy woman who do want more then stop being so shallow yourself, looks aint everything, a personality of a person can make them seem alot more attractive to an individual, and make sure you can make a girl laugh! anyone will tell you the quickest way to a girls heart no matter how shallow they are is with a good sense of humour!)
  5. ekyle

    ekyle Android Expert

    Jan 5, 2010
    Software Engineer
    Central NY
    I noticed that after I got engaged I was approached a more often haha
    IOWA likes this.
  6. Snow_Fox

    Snow_Fox Android Expert
    Thread Starter

    Mar 31, 2010
    Lol, I had unconditional love.. takes more than that to make it work.

    Which goes back to what I was saying about being at the same place in life. She is 18, lives with her parents.. I recently moved back in with mine. When my ex left me I decided it wasn't worth it trying to hold a job and go to school.. although it was nice living right next to the school and worked out somewhat ok for quite some time.

    But yeah, part of the appeal of her is that she is not expecting anything. If I ever suggest something to her (song or anime or something) she has no problem checking it out and thats something, I have trouble getting regular friends doing! lol.

    While she isn't quite sure what she wants to do in life.. she is in college trying to figure it out and she does want to do something in life. Like I said, I don't really demand the other person bring anything to the table.. But, they better not "demand" I bring anything either. Like I said.. part of relationships is growing with the other person. Its part of why I am not worrying about the age unless I think about the gap too much. If I can grow with someone I don't care if they are 18, or 26. However, at the end of the day thats sorta what I think I am getting at in my post.. its disgusting that people just want to jump into a stable relationship.. Sure stable finances help create a stable lasting relationship.. People are more likely to stay together when times are hard because, they know what they have even if their not happy.. The problem with this is if things get better for one person its their chance to leave...

    To really have a stable relationship, individual stability is something that both people must work towards before, they ever get into a relationship, and really it should be a life long persuit of self betterment both people are engaged in.

    There is a difference between having standards and wanting something out of a relationship. Call me crazy but, a relationship is a place where I believe there shouldn't be any bull. I *WAS* a salesman (cellphones instead of cars). However, if anyone wants to conduct a relationship like that, they can go to the curb. My ex when we got together would get mad easy and say degrading things.. That happened once. I told her flat out "mean what you say, and say what you mean, if you are going to say something degrading, mean it, and by the same token have enough for your respect and myself to break up with me because, I demand more respect than insults and I will give more respect than to blatantly insult you"

    I am a salesmen, I sell myself to people I want to be with. Why should I try to sell myself to someone who list nothing about themself? I don't care if they are remotely attractive or not. I don't care if they are a knockout, I have higher standards than to try and sell myself to someone who won't show me what *they* are worth.
    While I actually agree with you see this thread on that particular issue. I do try in person, I try every opportunity I get. However, I also am who I am. I am a gamer, a nerd, and unfortunately there is *nothing* near me that really suits my taste or interest.. I'm not going to bars because, that is not my atmosphere. I'm not a club goer, a dancer, or anything like that. Its not that I don't desire to be social but, I'm not going to go out of my way and pretend I enjoy doing certain things in an attempt to be social.
    You know.. believe it or not, I don't need alcohol to talk to women. I only need opportunity which isn't happening in my home town, baton rouge has more potential but, again nothing I enjoy doing out on the town.
    You know.. as crazy as this may be and I'm not trying to be condescending but, I did not make my last relationship last over two and a half years because, I am totally naive in the ways of dating.

    I don't subscribe to the "every woman should be a porn start" mentality.

    And sadly..I find more women I meet shallow as oppose to less.. I'm not saying guys are any exception.

    I look for very particular traits in friends, potential partners and even people I am just "on good terms with".

    Part of the reason why I love the computer science lab (despite an overwhelming lack of female company there), is because although I'm not close friends or even really more than acquainted with most of the people there.. Is they love playing games between classes, they are studying computer science. Even if they don't know what job they want to do when they get out of college, slack off more than they should and end up having to work twice as hard to catch up. I feel I have a common thread with them, that being passion. Sure, not all of them are gamers to the same degree.. some built their own rigs, some are content with whatever they have.. but, at the end of the day they all have an interest.

    While I don't knock anyone on the social scene..people are a horrible hobby. Having a social life is fine.. however, if a person doesn't have any other hobbies than "hanging with friends", i chalk that one up to a relationship that isn't going to work. If there were places I could meet people with similar interest.. I would be more than fine with going out in person, I'd be hanging out there like I was paid to be there. It would be great, cause I love being out the house and doing stuff.

    However, its hard to schedule things to do with friends, when all of them are on a different schedule and going bowling and stuff isn't exactly something I'd care to do by myself.

    With all that said, I did find someone I'm interested in and we have been talking for a while. Nothing serious yet but, there is some attraction there and if she turns out to be the same in person, we will probably be hanging out a good bit more.
  7. jamor

    jamor Android Expert

    Apr 13, 2010
    Planet Earth

    I completely agree. Lots of American women on dating sites are completely nauseating.

    Need an easy way out in life. Their demands are hilarious.

    I'm not saying men don't have some ridiculous profiles and demands, but from what I've seen, the other side is pretty bad.
    IOWA likes this.
  8. Isthmus

    Isthmus Android Expert

    Jan 6, 2010
    I knew a guy once who had similar observations to you (many of which I agree with) and was so frustrated that on a lark he actually posted what he wanted. In similar selfish fashion he posted what he wanted in a partner (notice i didn't say mate). He wasn't demanding in the looks department, but was pretty specific with the grooming requirements and desired "skill set" (if you know what I mean). he went as far as to offer to teach anyone interested quite specifically how average males liked to be treated in exchange for a similar lesson from his counterpart.

    To make a long story short, we all laughed at him when he posted this and were soon surprised at the number of interested inquiries he received from women who though his frankness was refreshing and wanted to take him up on his offer. Last I heard He actually went on a handful of dates as a result of that ad.

    Go figure.
  9. Snow_Fox

    Snow_Fox Android Expert
    Thread Starter

    Mar 31, 2010
    lol. Yeah, I know what you mean XD.

    I am the first person to admit I don't like playing games.

    However, as much as I hate to admit it the guy did at least offer something in return. If the girl lacked "skill set" he did at least offered to work with them and stuff.

    Plus he offered to learn from it.

    I think there is a difference when your offering something in return.. it does mean you have something to bring to the table.

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