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Will be gone for a while.

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Thatdad, Aug 2, 2013.

  1. Thatdad

    Thatdad Android Expert
    Thread Starter

    So as the title clearly states, I will be taking a couple day break.

    The reason being my grandfather passed away. Normally this type of thing wouldn't bother me, but he was in hospice and I had to stay in the room with my grandmother for several hours with his corpse in the room the whole time.

    He practically raised me so its affecting me more than it normally would.

    So I'm going to be gone for a few days, probably 3.

    See you all soon.
     

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  2. MoodyBlues

    MoodyBlues Choose compassion over cruelty
    VIP Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself. We'll still be here when you feel like coming back. One suggestion from personal experience: AF is a *GREAT* place for friendly support. When my mom died a few months ago, the people here were amazing. If there's anything we can do, let us know. :)
     
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  3. Thatdad

    Thatdad Android Expert
    Thread Starter

    I've thought about it. Maybe keeping my mind busy by trying to help people would be a good thing.
     
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  4. Revenant Ghost

    Revenant Ghost Android Expert

    I'm sorry to hear that. I know how it feels to lose a loved one. It was the 4-year anniversary of my mom's death a couple days ago, so I know where you're coming from.

    Losing that one person that meant the whole world to you, and then all of a sudden they're gone just like that. You can never forget that feeling. It stays with you for the rest of your life.

    Well, at the moment all you can do is grieve for your grandfather. And when the time is right, learn to live on the best you can while cherishing the memories you've had with him.

    But know that your grandfather will always be by your side, watching over you as you progress. And one day you will be reunited with him.

    I just wanted to share my thoughts hoping I wasn't appearing to be imposing. Take care.
     
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  5. ocnbrze

    ocnbrze DON'T PANIC!!!!!!!!!

    sorry to hear about your loss. my condolences. take whatever time you need. though i will say this AF can be therapeutic sometimes.....good luck.
     
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  6. saptech

    saptech Android Expert

    My condolences to you & your family. I also know how it feels to lose someone very close to you. Between '07-'11, I lost my mom, one brother and one sister.
     
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  7. general eclect

    general eclect Android Expert

    Really sorry to hear that ss, it's never easy and takes time to get past it. I don't think you can ever get over it, time helps though...
     
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  8. Thatdad

    Thatdad Android Expert
    Thread Starter

    Not at all imposing, that's exactly what I needed to hear honestly. Thank you all for being here, it means a lot to me.
     
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  9. Thatdad

    Thatdad Android Expert
    Thread Starter

    I think the thing that bothered me most was when I looked at his body and I could see him blinking and breathing. Of course he really wasn't.. I first experienced this in February of this year when my friend of 6 years was killed. It wasn't my first time seeing a body but it was the first time I noticed that.

    Has that happened to anyone else? Or is that just another weird thing about me?
     
  10. general eclect

    general eclect Android Expert

    I've found two of my mates dead, one after he'd been lying there for a few days, he'd suffocated after falling during an epileptic fit, and as soon as I walked in I could see from the unnatural position he was in that he'd gone. I didn't see the lividity for what it was until the police and funeral home employees explained it to me. The other, had suffocated during auto-eroticism (a la Michael Hutchence) and although he'd been gone less than a couple of hours I could see from the lividity that he was gone and at the time I was so shaken all I could do was walk away, we hadn't known each other more than eighteen months or so, but had become very close mates.
     
  11. Thatdad

    Thatdad Android Expert
    Thread Starter

    I'm sorry. That must have been very traumatic.. its always hard when you see a corpse, no matter who's it is.

    May your friend rest in peace.
     
  12. Bearsyzf

    Bearsyzf Android Expert

    Sorry to hear that , i know how your feeling .... my mom passed away in 04 and i honestly i still don't think i've come to peace with it yet .
     
  13. Atma

    Atma Extreme Android User

    Sorry for you and your family's loss SS. Its a hard thing to go through and I'm sure even worse in that situation.
     
  14. MoodyBlues

    MoodyBlues Choose compassion over cruelty
    VIP Member

    It happened to me in March when I found my mother dead in her bed. I think it happens because we WANT them to still be alive, even though we KNOW they're not. It's like "if I wish it hard enough, maybe it'll be real." :bawling:
     
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  15. Bearsyzf

    Bearsyzf Android Expert

    The freaky part of my moms passing was when the coroners were putting her in the truck i could have swore that i saw her standing across the street watching as they put her in...... even freakier is i still sleep in the bed she passed away in and still can't come to move her stuff out the room, it's like i still think it's her room.
     
  16. MoodyBlues

    MoodyBlues Choose compassion over cruelty
    VIP Member

    It was probably her way of letting you know she's still there.

    It's the same for me, and for other people I know who've lost loved ones. There were some things I had to let go, such as the hospital bed and wheelchair we were renting, and some things I chose to let go, such as her other wheelchair, her walker, etc., that I donated to an agency that lends them to people in need. But other than that, I haven't touched a thing in her room. It's still HER room. I still have this strange sense that she's going to come back and use her THINGS again, like her hairbrush or her shoes or her tweezers. I understand this is supposed to improve with time. I guess we'll see, right? :thinking:
     
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  17. Bearsyzf

    Bearsyzf Android Expert




    I'm not sure if i want to change her stuff out, it's a way for me to remember her by .
     
  18. general eclect

    general eclect Android Expert

    I'm sure both of them are in a better place, they were both great people in their own way. They're lucky in that they no longer have to put up with the daily crap we still have to deal with.
     
  19. MoodyBlues

    MoodyBlues Choose compassion over cruelty
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    Just wanted to see if ss1992 is checking in, and how he's doing. I hope you're okay, ss. Let us know if we can help.
     
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  20. Member243850

    Member243850 Guest

    Hey it seems you have had an awesome relationship with him.

    I see he was a very lucky grandfather to have such a very caring grandson such as yourself with a great heart.

    Take all the time you need, want or desire.

    Rome was not built in a day.

    Remember the good times... never the bad. ;)
     
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  21. Thatdad

    Thatdad Android Expert
    Thread Starter

    So I his funeral will be sometime this week. (Autopsy because of suspicions of medical malpractice ..)

    In the meantime I have decided to take up learning my ancestors language of French to take my mind off of feelings of sadness.

    I have improved to the point where I can listen to French radio on my TuneIn app (at night during sleep to get it subconsciously) and be able string together bits and pieces of sentences. Its a small step, especially considering of only been learning for 4 days with absolutely no prior knowledge of the language.

    I'm going to learn Spanish after I learn most of my French.

    I've been grieving but handling it very well. How has everyone else been?
     
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  22. Thatdad

    Thatdad Android Expert
    Thread Starter

    All I can really find to say is thank you. Really that made my day. :)
     
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  23. MoodyBlues

    MoodyBlues Choose compassion over cruelty
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    That's a great idea, and a nice way to honor your ancestors. BTW, I love French and studied it for several years in school. I used to be fluent in it, but now...well, not so much. If you don't use it, you lose it!

    I'm okay, but concerned about you. Your loss is so fresh. Like I've said, let us know if we can help somehow, okay? :)
     
  24. Thatdad

    Thatdad Android Expert
    Thread Starter

    We've just had a lot of tension. My father seems to be more concerned about inheriting my grandpa's stuff.. my grandmother is having a breakdown pretty bad.

    For me I see death as an inevitability and have a complete acceptance of it, so much to the point I almost had a form saying if I ever got in an accident I would have a DNR on me. Naturally my family kept me from doing it.

    So I have been holding up okay personally.
     
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  25. MoodyBlues

    MoodyBlues Choose compassion over cruelty
    VIP Member

    Unfortunately, things like that happen a lot following a death. :(

    Just do your best to be supportive.

    Me too. The first time I faced the possibility of dying I was 21, and it was very sobering. But the fact is, NO ONE gets out of this alive. :eek:

    You really SHOULD pre-plan stuff like that. You want to hear a funny DNR story? When my brain tumor was diagnosed a while back and I was preparing for surgery, I filled out a DNR. I was very, very specific in my instructions about what conditions I would/wouldn't want to be kept artificially alive under. The surgery's risks included brain damage, paralysis, loss of vision and/or hearing, death... Okay, so I was REALLY specific, and made sure my husband (who is my durable power of attorney for health care) knew exactly what I wanted. So surgery happens, I wake up from it, I'm alive! :D Eight days later when I was being discharged, the nurse going over everything with us opened my chart and out fell the red DNR bracelet. They had FORGOTTEN to put it on me prior to going to the OR. :laugh:

    That's good. If you can find things to keep you busy, that may help. Or not. I was lost...just sat around in a haze immediately after my mom died. On the other hand, I know people who plunged into working long hours or doing other things to keep their minds off their loved ones, so whatever works best for you is what you should go with.
     
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