I have 5 kids, 3 of them teens, and I find it perfectly acceptable to go through their phones. In fact I tell them, that at any time I may go through the phone, or their history on the computer. It is every parents responsibility to be involved and check in on what their kids are doing. For Example, there is no way I am going to let my 13 year old daughter that looks like she is 17, go to a dating website. That is why it is important to monitor your kids' activities. If you dont, then you end up with a bunch of delinquents running our countries. I have caught my kids in the midst of a great deal of things that could potentially cause them harm. Snooping is protecting. Once they grow up, then they will be free to screw up their lives however way they choose... just as long as they arent living in my house. My house, my rules. Yes I definately get all my ducks in a row before I present these issues to my kids, lol... the whole "I dont know how that porn got there, or this used condom? hmm dunno, or I dont know how I got my nipple pierced" thing doesnt work with me, because I always present them with proof, and how it got there. Call me a mean mother, but I can tell you what, these are life lessons that need to be learned, and if you arent teaching your kids the right things, then you are a poopy parent. Im not saying anyone is a poopy parent, im just saying this is how it is in my house.
Remember this is a forum where everyone is to be treated with respect, so please no rude or nasty comments. Thank you.
Being 21 and kidless, I don't have much say in these situations, but I agree and disagree with some points in this response and this thread as a whole. Personally I believe that a parent has a right and a duty to make sure thier kid stays out of trouble and grows to be a healthy well behaved adult. But at the same time I believe sheltering your kid from all the nasty things in the world can be JUST as damaging as letting them do whatever the hell they want.
I agree that making sure your kids are staying out of trouble and everything is sound from an emotional standpoint is important, I DO NOT think going behind thier backs and sneaking around is a good thing. Again I dont have a kid, but I know for me personally that if my parents simply told me that they MAY be checking things like my phone/email/history ect., I would be ok with that. Obviously nobody enjoys thier privacy being invaded, but its far less of a problem if you know about it rather than finding out on your own.
I also agree with Isthmus to some extent, asking advice on an anonymous forum rather than talking to your kids FIRST is a stupid idea, but then again Im just an anonymous person on an anonymous forum, giving advice...so take that as you will.
The other thing that I try to emphasize SO much is a teenager's general tendency to screw up. I hate to break this to you all, but thats what teenagers do. Its all a part of growing up and learning about the real world and how it works. Although I would never hand a gun to a teenager and say "go have fun" (I wouldn't do that with any adult either), I dont think keeping your kids locked in a closet, safe away from the world is a good idea either.
For most of my life, I was sheltered from the "real world" by everyone in my family, other than my parents (Keep in mind I live VERY close to my family). My parents sheltered me more than most, but the rest of my family tried to keep me as "pure" as I could be. Well most of my middle and highschool years, I was the fat kid that everyone picked on and then I went crying home to mommy for comfort. Now tell me if that is a good thing when sending your child out into the real world?
What kind of life lessons will he learn from always thinking the world is going to hurt him, and he can find comfort in only his parents? THAT is far worse than letting him try things and screw up and realize his own path and ways through life. Yes, be there for him, tell him that certain things are bad, but dont keep him from those thing. Trust me, he will grow up to resent you later and be a FAR worse place if you shelter.
Sorry, kinda went off on a tangent there, but this is something I see SO much, especially with my 16 year old cousin and her parents, and its kills me. She has had her driver's license for about 6 months now, and her mother STILL refuses her to drive...