The Bah-Humbug thread!

[mikedt]

I will be going...but will spend the rest of my Christmas Day grading exam papers...bah humbug!

 

[lunatic59]

This thread is getting a little off track.

This is not the "let's make a joke about Christmas" thread. While poking fun is part of our survival skills, this is supposed to be about the people who have a really hard time with the season. Clever cartoons don't help beyond the obvious chuckle. It might be impossible for others to understand, or they simply don't want to admit that this is part of the tradition, too.

In any case, I'm fighting with a rather bad case of holiday rage right now (not to mention a head cold ) so I put down a few ideas that might illustrate what Christmas means to me.

Spoiler: Christmas is a vindictive prom queen.

Imagine growing up next door to the popular prom queen. In your youth, you are told how special and beautiful she is, even though she continues to tease you and exclude you from the popular kids at the bus stop. Everyone tells you that you should be like her. Eventually you start to buy into the premise that she is special.

As you grow up, you start thinking about her differently. Feelings of desire, hope and joy become associated with her and you fall in love with the idea of being in love with her. The only way to get the prom queen is to become a football hero, so you work as hard as you can to achieve that status.

Years and games go by and you have established yourself as an excellent football player even though the prom queen still won’t include you in her group. One day you decide to ask her out. Astonishingly she says yes, but never lets you forget that she is doing you a favor.

One date leads to two and then more. You eventually become a couple. And, even though you have made every effort to fit into her world, she never truly lets you in. Eventually she dumps you for a cowboy in a pickup truck.

You think she will be easily forgotten once the pain and bitterness pass, but everyone tell you what a mistake you’ve made for letting her go. Even though she’s since dumped the cowboy as well and gone through a whole string of boyfriends, the world still views her as special and an ideal to aspire to. To make matters worse, once a year, she sends you a picture reminding you how it was supposed to be then, and never will be again.

You understand. The other ex-boyfriends understand too, except for the cowboy, who drove his pickup into a bridge abutment when the prom queen broke up with him. But, if you say anything negative about the prom queen, then everyone else calls you names and accuse you of sour grapes.

Extra credit

Spoiler: Christmas is abusive codependency

Picture yourself the abused spouse of a beloved celebrity.

Initially the relationship is fine. You are in love and awestruck that you have such a noted partner in life. Then you get abused. It could be emotional or physical, it doesn’t really matter. Just once.

They promise that it will never happen again and they are sorry. But it happens again while everyone else views you as the lucky one in the relationship. Now it starts to become more frequent and intense.

You suggest that it might be time to leave, but you are told that you should either accept it because a beloved celebrity is worth it, or that you must somehow be mistaken about what’s happening. NEVER is it suggested you might have a valid point.

After repeated and continued abuse, you experience greater anxiety about the anticipation of the abuse, rather than the abuse itself and people begin to look at you as “broken.”

You do decide to leave, but get entangled in the breakup. The celebrity stalks you, refuses to let you leave and convinces the world that it is your shortcomings that are causing all the problems.

 

[Deleted User]

And the lessons of the Christmas ideal of charity, forbearance, love and community shouldn't be just once a year or for a few days in December when there are lights on your house, but everyday. While I do recognize that some people do get it (and I know several) most put on the holiday hat for a few days and then go right back to being ... themselves.

What makes me laugh is that we get these token Christmas cards pushed through the door from neighbours because they think it's the done thing to do. I care nothing about a piece of card with some insincere words written on it. What I would like to see is you knocking on my door, and coming in for a cup of coffee and a chat. How about showing a bit of friendship? And by the way, not just at this time of year when the 'festive spirit' is high. Let's show some community spirit all year long.
And God knows I've tried my best to engage with people.

 

[lunatic59]

And God knows I've tried my best to engage with people.

You obviously aren't using Facebook correctly.

Seriously, I grew up in Philadelphia where it's not so much a city, but a collection of neighborhoods. Everybody sat out on their porch and knew everyone else. Most got along, some became friends and some didn't. Here in the 'burbs, for the most part people only step outside to cut the grass or put out the trash. Some of the houses have magnificent porches which are used as a showcase for seasonal displays. I think we are the only people who actually sit out.

I have gotten to know most of my neighbors by being the crazy guy who walks his dogs in all kinds of weather every day. I see them as I pass by their houses, or as they drive by and I always say hello or wave. I've been the guy who welcomes the new people into the neighborhood when they move in. Some adapt quickly to the suburban lifestyle of hiding indoors, but a few do continue to respond in kind.

I've been doing this for 13 years now. I figure it will take at least 20 to make a lasting impact ... or be put away in the rubber retirement home.

 

[shalemail]

OK well I guess I will post my funny Christmas stuff in the funny thread then. What a GRINCH you are @lunatic59 .

 

[lunatic59]

Don't knock the Grinch @shalemail. He teaches all a valuable lesson -- what hypocrites we are at Christmas, because you know for damn sure that if your house was robbed on Christmas eve you wouldn't be singing, and if the burglar returned the stuff you wouldn't invite him to dinner.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

I'd like to do a Lady Gaga thing here but not aprop.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

You better not cheat
You better not lie
You better not steal, I'm telling you why
Krampus is coming to town & he's pissed

 

[lunatic59]

Actually, I think Krampus would be happy if all the little boys and girls were misbehaving. It would mean business was booming.

In the Santa-only tradition, poor behavior is punished by the withholding of deserved gifts, so children who get nothing, or worse, less than they think they deserve, are obviously flawed in some respect. Christmas needs demonic torture to round things out.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

Bah-Humbug!

Santa has his own plans for misbehaving children. He gives them coal.

Think about that...

It's just a rock to kids. Who wants a rock for Christmas?

Santa is twisted.

 

[lunatic59]

Actually, the concept of coal as a gift was indeed from the Krampus story.

Unlike North American versions of Santa Claus, in these celebrations Saint Nicholas concerns himself only with the good children, while Krampus is responsible for the bad. Nicholas dispenses gifts, while Krampus supplies coal and the ruten bundles.

Of more pagan origins are the ruten, bundles of birch branches that Krampus carries and with which he occasionally swats children. The ruten may have had significance in pre-Christian pagan initiation rites. The birch branches are replaced with a whip in some representations. Sometimes Krampus appears with a sack or a basket strapped to his back; this is to cart off evil children for drowning, eating, or transport to Hell. Some of the older versions make mention of naughty children being put in the bag and being taken.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krampus

 

[dontpanicbobby]

Europe is bigger than North America. Those early map makers were Grinches.

 

[lunatic59]

The Grinch was a creation of Theodore Geisel (aka Dr. Seuss) who was a govt. cartoonist during WWII. He first mentioned the Grinch in 1955, but he didn't steal Christmas until 1957, and most people hadn't heard of him until 1966 when the book was adapted into the holiday classic animation feature by Chuck Jones.

Early map makers had to be Krampuses (Krampii?) whose tradition goes back to pagan times ... you know, the good old days.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

Yeah Burn Baby, Burn! Yule logs make charcoal.
Bah-Humbug.

 

[Bearsyzf]

Bah-Humbug!

Santa has his own plans for misbehaving children. He gives them coal.

Think about that...

It's just a rock to kids. Who wants a rock for Christmas?

Santa is twisted.

But it was a Pet rock

 

[lunatic59]

Traditional artists' charcoal comes from slowly roasting the stems of grape vines. Later the carbon from incinerated hardwoods was combined with clay to form a more consistent and 'blacker' drawing medium, which could be used to draw either the Grinch or Krampus.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

Coincidence? He may have been an undigested bit of beef...

 

[dontpanicbobby]

But it was a Pet rock

Wish I had thought of that.

Christmas comes but once a year so you better make hay when the sun is shining...

 

[lunatic59]

You actually grow hay while the sun shines in late spring or early summer. There is an approximate 2-week window to harvest hay, where it has achieved is maximum nutrient value. The process of making hay, cutting, raking, bundling, and storing can be done any time.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

I stand corrected.
Bah-Humbug!

 

[lunatic59]

Sitting, too.

 

[shalemail]

You actually grow hay while the sun shines in late spring or early summer. There is an approximate 2-week window to harvest hay, where it has achieved is maximum nutrient value. The process of making hay, cutting, raking, bundling, and storing can be done any time.

Technically, that would be making hay BALES, not making hay. Only the Earth and Sun can "make" hay. Sure sure people help by planting and watering and pesticide and what not, but without people there would still be hay.
Just say'n.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

Tru that.

 

[lunatic59]

Technically ... (you knew this was coming) ... "Hay" is not an individual plant but a mixture of grasses and other cover crops used for agricultural purposes. While I agree that people do not make the ingredients for hay, they do, in fact make the hay by harvesting the crops and processing it into hay. It only becomes hay once it's processed.

 

[dontpanicbobby]

Dried grass?
Bah-Humbug
I like my grass a little moist.