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  1. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    A nervous @dontpanicbobby was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Bobby, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we...
  2. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    My wife was making a visit to the hospital where I was about to have an operation. Watching the doctor's every move, she asked, "What's that?" The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he won't know a thing." "Save your time, Doc," exclaimed my wife. "He don't know...
  3. Zigman66

    New word or definition of the day

    This is for us to all add intellectual quality to our everyday humdrum language. Present a new word with a definition or a new definition to an old word. Example: Washable - What a cowboy does very carefully
  4. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

  5. Zigman66

    The idiot test

    Fairly easy. Ask a question that most everyone SHOULD know the answer and see if anyone guesses the answer correctly. Then please be kind enough to post the correct answer the following day! (Or feel free to acknowledge a correct answer) An example: Does England have a 4th of July? Answer...
  6. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    Last one for the day. Next years newest tax form: YOUR NEW OFFICIAL TAX FORM 1. Enter your social security number: ___-__-____ 2. How much money did you make last year? ___________ 3. Send it in. 4. How much money do you have in savings? 5. Send that in, too. 6. Please enter...
  7. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    A lawyer dies and is sent to heaven. (That, in itself, is a good joke.) Upon his arrival, he meets St. Peter at the Gate. St. Peter asks the lawyer his name and looks up his entry in the Great Big Book. St. Peter then looks at the lawyer and says, "You look very good for being 438 years old."...
  8. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the...
  9. Zigman66

    Life's difficult questions

    I started this thread because we have all heard those questions that are often more rhetorical than actually in search of an answer. I didn't feel those questions fit well in any of the other threads so this one is just for those. And of course I will start it out: Why do we push harder on the...
  10. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. What'll it be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to...
  11. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    Did you hear the one about the jump rope and the lollipop? Skip it. It sucks.
  12. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    By coincidence three construction contractors all died on the same day. One was @Zigman66 . One was @lunatic59 . One was @olbriar . St. Peter met them at the Pearly Gates and thought it was a good time to get some estimates on what it would cost to renovate the gates. St. Peter first asked...
  13. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement ring Wedding ring Suffering
  14. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    Jerk! Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I...
  15. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    Got one more along that line that I heard a long time ago so hopefully memory will serve: When I first started dating my first wife she called up one day and said "Tonight is going to be special so be prepared". Well, being the type of young man I was I knew that could only mean one thing...
  16. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    A certain AF member walks into a drug store and says he wants to buy a condom. The druggist says, "Fine. That'll be $1.10." "$1.10!?" says the man. "Yes," the druggist says. "One dollar for the condom and ten cents for the tax." "Tacks?!!!" says the AF member. "I thought you rolled them on."
  17. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    (sigh) me too
  18. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    One day a big swarm of bees came through town. All of the bees swarmed over to the Shell Gas Station except one, who went to the Esso station. Moral: There's an Esso bee in every crowd.....
  19. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    There's this guy in a bar that's saying he knows everybody, and will bet anybody on it. So this guy walks up and says, "I bet you don't know Burt Rynolds." He says come on, they hop a plane to Florida, show up at Burt's door and Burt says, "Hi Bubba, how have you been? Come on in!" On the...
  20. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    A bit naughty
  21. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    Pass the beans please!! Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they...
  22. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as...
  23. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    ?? What was THAT about??
  24. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    A bit risque' so if a mod would like to put a spoiler tag on it I sure wouldn't mind (I don't know how)
  25. Zigman66

    Tell me a joke...

    (GROAN) THAT shoulda been in the Punny section :rolleyes: