teenager problem

[acemadera]

We occasionaly go through our kids phones to make sure the content stays age appropriate. Today we were viewing texts. We found one with no contact name or number but titled "self". When we viewed the contact information, it had their personal email (not the one that the service sets up ie gmail). We opened the text thread and found disturbing photos. How did these get there? Were they taken on the phone and sent through text to their email address? Were they sent from their email address, if so how did they end up a text thread? Thanks in advance.

 

[woop]

They could have found the pictures on the internet, saved them on the computer, attached it onto an email, and emailed their phone (works similar to text). Depending on what the picture is, they may or may not have taken the photo on the phone itself, and emailed it out from their phone. So, either situation you put forth could be viable. If its a picture of something your child probably would not physically be able to take a picture of, then its probably the former of the two.

 

[acemadera]

I entered my personal information in my contacts as self, took a pic from my gallery and tried to send it to self. Didn't work, but when I sent it to my email directly (typing it in) it worked. Even arrived in my email. But the contact thread showed my email not as self.

I got it to work. If you enter info just to include your email, it will come up whatever you save it as. But someone either had to know her email since when I type in self it says invalid address. Ok thanks for the ideas.
This means the photo was taken from the camera, shared from the gallery via chat, email physically entered, then sent. I'm going to try sending from my email to my phone.
Tried sending it back from my email to my phone, said invalid address. So it must of been taken on the phone and sent to the email?

 

[Isthmus]

So let me see if I understand. You didn't trust your kids enough to try and make decissions in the way you raised them, so you decided to snoop inside their phones. You found some inappropriate images on an account intentionally set up to not be something you would easily find. Since you are not saying hwat the pics where, I'm guessingit si typical teenage pushing the boundaries of their freedoms type of stuff. Rather than talking to your children (and perhaps having to admit to them that you don't trust them and have been snooping in what they consider to be a private space), you've come to an anonymous forum to seek the advice of strangers?

It sounds to me like the real issue is one of trust and openness. You have to trust your kids to do the right thing and trust them to fall and make mistakes, and be strong enough to get back up. If you've been snooping and are concerned that they will loose trust in you for doing so, then perhaps you might want to address the issue as though it were theoretical. delete all the inappropriate stuff in the phones (including the account), and leave it at that. Teenagers will do stupid stuff, but at some point you have to give them the freedom to do it, learn, and come out at the other end as responsible adults.

Of course you can always just increase their responsibilities and performance standard in exchange for increased freedoms.

 

[mcatdtDROID]

So let me see if I understand. You didn't trust your kids enough to try and make decissions in the way you raised them, so you decided to snoop inside their phones. You found some inappropriate images on an account intentionally set up to not be something you would easily find. Since you are not saying hwat the pics where, I'm guessingit si typical teenage pushing the boundaries of their freedoms type of stuff. Rather than talking to your children (and perhaps having to admit to them that you don't trust them and have been snooping in what they consider to be a private space), you've come to an anonymous forum to seek the advice of strangers?

It sounds to me like the real issue is one of trust and openness. You have to trust your kids to do the right thing and trust them to fall and make mistakes, and be strong enough to get back up. If you've been snooping and are concerned that they will loose trust in you for doing so, then perhaps you might want to address the issue as though it were theoretical. delete all the inappropriate stuff in the phones (including the account), and leave it at that. Teenagers will do stupid stuff, but at some point you have to give them the freedom to do it, learn, and come out at the other end as responsible adults.

Of course you can always just increase their responsibilities and performance standard in exchange for increased freedoms.

lol - thinking kids are adults is amusing from someone who is probably in the first category, (or just got out of it)

The only trust issue broken in this situation is on the kid's part. They were trusted with a phone that was given to them by a parent. It's not the kid's phone, it's the parent's phone they allow the kid to use.

Kids are ignorant to the dangers of sending photos like this to others. If it's your daughter, you dang sure don't want naked pics of them out in cyberspace. If it's your son recieving and resending, he can get busted for distribution of porn (and if the girl is underaged, a good lawyer can label your son a sexual offender, a tag that never leaves them)

so yes, it is perfectly acceptable to "snoop". hopefully, this was a one time deal, the parent talks about it to their kid and the kid gets a prepaid jitterbug for the next month (or until THEY reestablish the trust they lost)

Sounds like the parent is on here, getting their ducks in a row, to make sure what they (eventually) come at their kid with is correct and making a lesson out of it.

it's only "snooping" whenever there is no followup

 

[Member138406]

Why is the concern how they got there? Could have been a million ways. Bluetooth, self email, text from a internet service, SD card to self text, text from a burner, USB...

More so WHY he has them, depending on how disturbing the pictures actually are.

 

[Pryomancer]

Don't go through your kids' phones.

 

[mcatdtDROID]

well, having your bases covered on knowing what you're talking about helps.... the first reaction of the kid could very well be "I don't know how they got there" or "insert confusing lie here" If the parent can say "no, this was emailed to you from your phone" or whatever the case may be... the kid may see he's busted and crack, and then filling in the blanks of what REALLY happened.

I understand the importance of a kid having a phone in today's age.... but a jitterbug, or some other cheap phone that doesn't have all the options the Droid does is a great way to get the point across that a droid is a privaledge above and beyond what's necessary. After a month of that, hopefully, they'll know better than to take underaged minor pornographic pics on a device they don't HAVE to have

 

[mcatdtDROID]

Don't go through your kids' phones.

don't have kids.


plus, it's not the kid's phone, no more than it's the kid's room.

 

[Member138406]

This was not about privacy at all.. why did that get started.

What I really want to know is, what the pictures were.

 

[harukasan73]

I have 5 kids, 3 of them teens, and I find it perfectly acceptable to go through their phones. In fact I tell them, that at any time I may go through the phone, or their history on the computer. It is every parents responsibility to be involved and check in on what their kids are doing. For Example, there is no way I am going to let my 13 year old daughter that looks like she is 17, go to a dating website. That is why it is important to monitor your kids' activities. If you dont, then you end up with a bunch of delinquents running our countries. I have caught my kids in the midst of a great deal of things that could potentially cause them harm. Snooping is protecting. Once they grow up, then they will be free to screw up their lives however way they choose... just as long as they arent living in my house. My house, my rules. Yes I definately get all my ducks in a row before I present these issues to my kids, lol... the whole "I dont know how that porn got there, or this used condom? hmm dunno, or I dont know how I got my nipple pierced" thing doesnt work with me, because I always present them with proof, and how it got there. Call me a mean mother, but I can tell you what, these are life lessons that need to be learned, and if you arent teaching your kids the right things, then you are a poopy parent. Im not saying anyone is a poopy parent, im just saying this is how it is in my house. Remember this is a forum where everyone is to be treated with respect, so please no rude or nasty comments. Thank you.

 

[Vihzel]

I have 5 kids, 3 of them teens, and I find it perfectly acceptable to go through their phones. In fact I tell them, that at any time I may go through the phone, or their history on the computer. It is every parents responsibility to be involved and check in on what their kids are doing. For Example, there is no way I am going to let my 13 year old daughter that looks like she is 17, go to a dating website. That is why it is important to monitor your kids' activities. If you dont, then you end up with a bunch of delinquents running our countries. I have caught my kids in the midst of a great deal of things that could potentially cause them harm. Snooping is protecting. Once they grow up, then they will be free to screw up their lives however way they choose... just as long as they arent living in my house. My house, my rules. Yes I definately get all my ducks in a row before I present these issues to my kids, lol... the whole "I dont know how that porn got there, or this used condom? hmm dunno, or I dont know how I got my nipple pierced" thing doesnt work with me, because I always present them with proof, and how it got there. Call me a mean mother, but I can tell you what, these are life lessons that need to be learned, and if you arent teaching your kids the right things, then you are a poopy parent. Im not saying anyone is a poopy parent, im just saying this is how it is in my house. Remember this is a forum where everyone is to be treated with respect, so please no rude or nasty comments. Thank you.

Wonder Woman lays it down!

 

[Steven58]

The OP was asking for advice, not criticism. I am the father of two. I have a 21 girl, in college, and a 16 year old boy in high school. As a parent, I totally empathize with the concern that another parent would have upon finding out that their children are experimenting with behaviors that are concerning, i.e., porn, sex, drugs, alcohol, sexting, etc.

I understand the OP's concerns. HOW the pix got there would determine what kind of trouble the child is into. For example, on the newsradio, I heard of porn mongers taking advantage of teens, using blackmail. For example, I've heard that privately intended nakes pictures, that had gone somewhat viral, had been intercepted by these mongers of kid porn. What they did thereafter, was contact the underaged child who was the subject and blackmail them telling them that if they didn't agree to take more porn pictures, some in sex acts, then they would get them into major trouble.

There were major arrests, but situations like this are happening ALL THE TIME. Do not lecture the OP on honesty and trust and whatever else. It is a parent or guardian's job to protect their child from any kind of harm, be it from whatever source. It could be youthful foolishness or any other kind of preditory behavior.

I don't like the way this thread is going and will be alerting the mods to it.

Thank you.

Steven

 

[redraptor]

I have 5 kids, 3 of them teens, and I find it perfectly acceptable to go through their phones. In fact I tell them, that at any time I may go through the phone, or their history on the computer. It is every parents responsibility to be involved and check in on what their kids are doing. For Example, there is no way I am going to let my 13 year old daughter that looks like she is 17, go to a dating website. That is why it is important to monitor your kids' activities. If you dont, then you end up with a bunch of delinquents running our countries. I have caught my kids in the midst of a great deal of things that could potentially cause them harm. Snooping is protecting. Once they grow up, then they will be free to screw up their lives however way they choose... just as long as they arent living in my house. My house, my rules. Yes I definately get all my ducks in a row before I present these issues to my kids, lol... the whole "I dont know how that porn got there, or this used condom? hmm dunno, or I dont know how I got my nipple pierced" thing doesnt work with me, because I always present them with proof, and how it got there. Call me a mean mother, but I can tell you what, these are life lessons that need to be learned, and if you arent teaching your kids the right things, then you are a poopy parent. Im not saying anyone is a poopy parent, im just saying this is how it is in my house. Remember this is a forum where everyone is to be treated with respect, so please no rude or nasty comments. Thank you.

Being 21 and kidless, I don't have much say in these situations, but I agree and disagree with some points in this response and this thread as a whole. Personally I believe that a parent has a right and a duty to make sure thier kid stays out of trouble and grows to be a healthy well behaved adult. But at the same time I believe sheltering your kid from all the nasty things in the world can be JUST as damaging as letting them do whatever the hell they want.

I agree that making sure your kids are staying out of trouble and everything is sound from an emotional standpoint is important, I DO NOT think going behind thier backs and sneaking around is a good thing. Again I dont have a kid, but I know for me personally that if my parents simply told me that they MAY be checking things like my phone/email/history ect., I would be ok with that. Obviously nobody enjoys thier privacy being invaded, but its far less of a problem if you know about it rather than finding out on your own.

I also agree with Isthmus to some extent, asking advice on an anonymous forum rather than talking to your kids FIRST is a stupid idea, but then again Im just an anonymous person on an anonymous forum, giving advice...so take that as you will.

The other thing that I try to emphasize SO much is a teenager's general tendency to screw up. I hate to break this to you all, but thats what teenagers do. Its all a part of growing up and learning about the real world and how it works. Although I would never hand a gun to a teenager and say "go have fun" (I wouldn't do that with any adult either), I dont think keeping your kids locked in a closet, safe away from the world is a good idea either.

For most of my life, I was sheltered from the "real world" by everyone in my family, other than my parents (Keep in mind I live VERY close to my family). My parents sheltered me more than most, but the rest of my family tried to keep me as "pure" as I could be. Well most of my middle and highschool years, I was the fat kid that everyone picked on and then I went crying home to mommy for comfort. Now tell me if that is a good thing when sending your child out into the real world?

What kind of life lessons will he learn from always thinking the world is going to hurt him, and he can find comfort in only his parents? THAT is far worse than letting him try things and screw up and realize his own path and ways through life. Yes, be there for him, tell him that certain things are bad, but dont keep him from those thing. Trust me, he will grow up to resent you later and be a FAR worse place if you shelter.


Sorry, kinda went off on a tangent there, but this is something I see SO much, especially with my 16 year old cousin and her parents, and its kills me. She has had her driver's license for about 6 months now, and her mother STILL refuses her to drive...

 

[harukasan73]

Being 21 and kidless, I don't have much say in these situations, but I agree and disagree with some points in this response and this thread as a whole. Personally I believe that a parent has a right and a duty to make sure thier kid stays out of trouble and grows to be a healthy well behaved adult. But at the same time I believe sheltering your kid from all the nasty things in the world can be JUST as damaging as letting them do whatever the hell they want.

I agree that making sure your kids are staying out of trouble and everything is sound from an emotional standpoint is important, I DO NOT think going behind thier backs and sneaking around is a good thing. Again I dont have a kid, but I know for me personally that if my parents simply told me that they MAY be checking things like my phone/email/history ect., I would be ok with that. Obviously nobody enjoys thier privacy being invaded, but its far less of a problem if you know about it rather than finding out on your own.

I also agree with Isthmus to some extent, asking advice on an anonymous forum rather than talking to your kids FIRST is a stupid idea, but then again Im just an anonymous person on an anonymous forum, giving advice...so take that as you will.

The other thing that I try to emphasize SO much is a teenager's general tendency to screw up. I hate to break this to you all, but thats what teenagers do. Its all a part of growing up and learning about the real world and how it works. Although I would never hand a gun to a teenager and say "go have fun" (I wouldn't do that with any adult either), I dont think keeping your kids locked in a closet, safe away from the world is a good idea either.

For most of my life, I was sheltered from the "real world" by everyone in my family, other than my parents (Keep in mind I live VERY close to my family). My parents sheltered me more than most, but the rest of my family tried to keep me as "pure" as I could be. Well most of my middle and highschool years, I was the fat kid that everyone picked on and then I went crying home to mommy for comfort. Now tell me if that is a good thing when sending your child out into the real world?

What kind of life lessons will he learn from always thinking the world is going to hurt him, and he can find comfort in only his parents? THAT is far worse than letting him try things and screw up and realize his own path and ways through life. Yes, be there for him, tell him that certain things are bad, but dont keep him from those thing. Trust me, he will grow up to resent you later and be a FAR worse place if you shelter.


Sorry, kinda went off on a tangent there, but this is something I see SO much, especially with my 16 year old cousin and her parents, and its kills me. She has had her driver's license for about 6 months now, and her mother STILL refuses her to drive...

Hey Red, lol dont worry, my kids arent completely sheltered... heres what happens... when it comes to technology, I tell them I may come around and check it out sometimes.... so they know i will snoop, but I only snoop if I feel there is something going on... I trust them until I catch them at something... like one of my girls... Straight A student, does no wrong, never swears, and is the class counselor, I swear... Im trying to get the girl to lighten up in fact... she thinks I am too wild at times! So I trust her for the most part, and dont go through her things. Another kid, has been caught watching porn, not once, but several times, that one... I dont trust so much. Another one has been caught sneaking onto the PS3 on school nights when he should be sleeping.... not much trust there, lol, and the rest are too young yet for me to go there yet. So while my kids have a lot of freedoms, there are guidelines for them to follow. Everyone does have their own parenting way though,

 

[redraptor]

Hey Red, lol dont worry, my kids arent completely sheltered... heres what happens... when it comes to technology, I tell them I may come around and check it out sometimes.... so they know i will snoop, but I only snoop if I feel there is something going on... I trust them until I catch them at something... like one of my girls... Straight A student, does no wrong, never swears, and is the class counselor, I swear... Im trying to get the girl to lighten up in fact... she thinks I am too wild at times! So I trust her for the most part, and dont go through her things. Another kid, has been caught watching porn, not once, but several times, that one... I dont trust so much. Another one has been caught sneaking onto the PS3 on school nights when he should be sleeping.... not much trust there, lol, and the rest are too young yet for me to go there yet. So while my kids have a lot of freedoms, there are guidelines for them to follow. Everyone does have their own parenting way though,

Absolutely. I see the problem when there are extremes. You shouldn't have your kid COMPLETELY sheltered from the world, but at the same time you should neever let your kid run around and do whatever the hell he wants. I agree with the "my house, my rules" way of thinking, just as long as the owners realize that they were once teenagers too. For me, I hit 18 and had whatever freedom's I wanted(I was still living at home though) and it really didnt sink in until I was about 19. Now I feel like im in a better place, Ive worked off a lot of my weight, I grew my hair out and started hanging with friends, but most of all, I started thinking for myself. Now im not blaming my parents souly for that, but it would have been a LOT nicer if I had learned that back when I was a teenager. But because I was so sheltered, I thought that everything my parents said was right, and the truth is, it isn't. No matter how hard we (Parents) try, we can never be 100% right. The thing to keep in mind is that your kid is just that, a kid, and being a kid means learning and growing and making mistakes. Its part of life, its part of growing up, its part of becoming an adult.

Again with the tangents. I tend to do that when im passionate about something

 

[Steven58]

Absolutely. I see the problem when there are extremes. You shouldn't have your kid COMPLETELY sheltered from the world, but at the same time you should neever let your kid run around and do whatever the hell he wants. I agree with the "my house, my rules" way of thinking, just as long as the owners realize that they were once teenagers too. For me, I hit 18 and had whatever freedom's I wanted(I was still living at home though) and it really didnt sink in until I was about 19. Now I feel like im in a better place, Ive worked off a lot of my weight, I grew my hair out and started hanging with friends, but most of all, I started thinking for myself. Now im not blaming my parents souly for that, but it would have been a LOT nicer if I had learned that back when I was a teenager. But because I was so sheltered, I thought that everything my parents said was right, and the truth is, it isn't. No matter how hard we (Parents) try, we can never be 100% right. The thing to keep in mind is that your kid is just that, a kid, and being a kid means learning and growing and making mistakes. Its part of life, its part of growing up, its part of becoming an adult.

Again with the tangents. I tend to do that when im passionate about something

Curious. You said "we (parents) try." Are you a father?

 

[redraptor]

Curious. You said "we (parents) try." Are you a father?

Oh no no. I just couldnt think of the correct word that could make it seem like I could relate to parents. I dont have a kid, I dont really want a kid right now and dont plan on having one for SEVERAL SEVERAL years. I still have the world to explore!!

 

[harukasan73]

Oh no no. I just couldnt think of the correct word that could make it seem like I could relate to parents. I dont have a kid, I dont really want a kid right now and dont plan on having one for SEVERAL SEVERAL years. I still have the world to explore!!

Good Choice! I started young... 18.... missed out on so much.

 

[Chaznsc]

Don't go through your kids' phones.

This isn't a healthy suggestion / comment at all. The problem is, kids can get into HUGE legal trouble with content on their phones. And yes, they can be arrested and labeled a sex offender for the remainder of their lives.

Its serious business. I audit my kids phones on a regular basis. Better me that an officer of the court.

-chaz

 

[Phases]

People come here for help. If you want to give that help, please do. They don't come here to be criticized for taking pretty appropriate measures as a parent, even if it's something you in particular wouldn't do.

I, for the record, absolutely would go through my 13 year old's Android phone to ensure it's staying age appropriate. I happen to believe that's part of what a parent should do if they're going to let them have a phone of this capability at that age.

It would be part of the understanding when they got (because I bought it for them) the phone.

If I were to come here asking for some help on where indecent pictures may have come from, I would not appreciate a lecture from people who don't share the same parental practices.

Either be helpful, or don't reply.
Thanks.

 

[ekyle]

My daughter is 3 and my next will be here next month so I don't need to worry about this yet. I like the idea of controlled freedom. Give them room, but gently intervene when it looks like they might be getting over their head in something that they don't understand yet.

 

[harukasan73]

Sorry

 

[Phases]

People come here for help. If you want to give that help, please do. They don't come here to be criticized for taking pretty appropriate measures as a parent, even if it's something you in particular wouldn't do.

I, for the record, absolutely would go through my 13 year old's Android phone to ensure it's staying age appropriate. I happen to believe that's part of what a parent should do if they're going to let them have a phone of this capability at that age.

It would be part of the understanding when they got (because I bought it for them) the phone.

If I were to come here asking for some help on where indecent pictures may have come from, I would not appreciate a lecture from people who don't share the same parental practices.

Either be helpful, or don't reply.
Thanks.

Also, might I add.. I have a contact on my phone I had set up a while back called "me" with my email address in it. I use to to email pictures (or whatever) to my gmail account as a method to get pictures onto my desktop quicker if I'm in a hurry (and also as a spot to save them). Hope that helps.

 

[Azzurri]

It's funny how just 10 years ago we never had to worry about cell phones, or sexting and anything to go along with it. I can't imagine in the next 10 or so what it will be like. Kids will find trouble it's how it is, just make sure it doesn't get out of hand.