Adventures with Windows

[lunatic59]

Everybody has a Microsoft story where it seems that the Windows development team was run by Machiavelli and the Marquis de Sade.

Here's my latest.

Bought a new ultrabook (see this thread). Decided to breathe some new life into the old Acer and replace the 5,200 RPM WD HD with an SSD.

I would have liked to do a straight clone but the WD drive was 320 GB and the SSD was 250 GB and clonezilla was barking at me. Understand it was setup as dual boot between Windows 7 pro and Ubuntu 13.10 with grub2 as the bootloader.

I tried a couple of freeware clone utilities but they all came back as failing because of disk errors (another reason I wanted to replace the HD) even after running chkdsk. I finally just booted into Ubuntu and used GPartEd to copy the C: partition from the WD drive to the SSD. I was a little apprehensive about being able to copy the partition because even though chkdsk completed successfully, the Windows utilities still showed errors. Anyway, the partition copied and I swapped the SSD into the laptop.

Mind you, I had every expectation of having to run bootfix from the recovery CD but to my amazement, Windows started to boot. Of course the operative word here is "started" because halfway through the process I get a strange error message.

autochk program not found, skipping autocheck

At which point it goes into a bootloop. Thrills. Out to Google and after reading through MS technet, I found someone had posted the fix by using the repair CD to fire up regedit and remove the old drive letter assignments in the registry. Fix one successful.

Next up was not being able to check for updates. Big red "X" with a warning that the Windows Update Service couldn't start. But .... in the services manager it was shown as running. Nice. Again, back to Google and MS technet. This time I found the fix in an updated Intel Driver that I downloaded from HP's website because the driver on Intel's website wouldn't work.

In the end (I hope it's the end) it was worth it. With the old drive, it would take 00:42 to boot to the login screen and a full 01:30 to get tot he desktop. Now with the SSD it boots to login around 00:25 and I get the desktop at 00:47.

Anybody else got any twisted MS fix stories?

 

[Dngrsone]

I've got decade's of that; many of them posted in other forum sites.

Most recent being my adventures in getting my new UEFI laptop to dual-boot Win 8 and Mint 15.

 

[lunatic59]

Love to hear that one. I'm likely to try that with my new ultrabook.

 

[Slug]

Not a twisted fix exactly, but one of those mysteries that gnaw away at you for days.

Why, on restarting a 64-bit Windows 7 system that shutdown normally the previous evening, are some of my <bleepbleep> Start Menu program's bereft of their icons??? Not all of them.... that would be too simple. Nope, just a seemingly-random selection which otherwise still work fine. It's just annoying.

 

[nickdalzell]

not sure if this counts but i remember using Windows ME. not sure i want to even think about that one again. Not quite fixes but some twisted error messages i've encountered. Windows 3.1 used to lag and become unresponsive when i would print any document to my then-new 'bubble-jet' Canon printer. soon after, it would start printing, but i'd hear a sound effect and 'ERROR: The operation completed successfully' would pop up with an OK button. it worked anyway, and it did say successful so i was amused that it would go to the trouble of giving me an 'error' dialog. Windows 95, due to a driver problem with the Ethernet NIC card at random, would, on startup, say 'Windows has detected an undetectable error [OK]'.

 

[MoodyBlues]

I don't have a lot to add to this thread from personal experience--I've tried to purge my brain of all the agony window$ caused it when I had the displeasure of administering some window$ boxes. But here are a few quotes I've gathered over the years; I can't vouch for the error messages actually being real--they may have been made up by fellow *nix lovers.

- Your mouse has moved. Windows NT must be restarted for the change to take effect. Reboot now? [ OK ]

- Windows NT encountered the following error: The operation completed successfully.

- The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.

- Failure is not an option - it comes bundled with Windows.

- Q: How many Microsoft Programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It cannot be done. You will need to upgrade your house.

- "When you say 'I wrote a program that crashed Windows', people just stare at you blankly and say, 'Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*'." -- Linus Torvalds

:laugh:

 

[alostpacket]

Have you tried turning it off and then on again?


Honestly I just remember the progress bars that used to go backwards sometimes. Priceless.



Kinda unrelated but this was the only funny windows pic I had:

(Some NSFWish text)

Spoiler

 

[alostpacket]

Oh, and I think I found a pic of Lunatic's laptop

 

[nickdalzell]

There was one thing worse than Windows. America Online.

 

[mikedt]

"Windows SmartScreen prevented Internet Explorer from starting. Running this app will put your PC at risk. "

"Windows caused a General Protection Fault in module Windows. This application will now close."

 

[Dngrsone]

There was one thing worse than Windows. America Online.

Ooh, my sister got so mad at me when I found out she was still on America Off-Line and made fun of her for it...

Now that I think of it, have I talked to her since?

 

[jefboyardee]

the only funny windows pic I had:

(Some NSFWish text)

I be cravin dem Winders

 

[nickdalzell]

Firefox.exe might be harmful to your computer

Risk level: Medium

Courtesy of Norton Antivirus.

 

[argedion]

By Far Favorite Windows Error:

Windows Failed to Boot.

Well Linux Did Not

 

[palmtree5]

Never really had a lot of issues with Windows myself. Right now, it's installed for playing games that I could probably get to work through Wine but I don't have the time to screw with that

 

[mikedt]

I've still got my favourite adventure with Windows this year...

This image has been resized. Click this bar to view the full image. The original image is sized 749x284.

"Sure...go to a store that sells a Windows get genuine kit.... in China.. LOL... OK!
"Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas any more." or Redmond for that matter. "

Original post is here...
http://androidforums.com/computers/628602-windows-8-a-5.html#post5777945

Sufficed to say, I use Linux Mint or Mac OS X now. :thumbup:

 

[saptech]

Never really had a lot of issues with Windows myself. Right now, it's installed for playing games that I could probably get to work through Wine but I don't have the time to screw with that

I never really had much problems either. I knew how to handle most of them.

The one error message I liked was:
Keyboard is not responding, Press any key to continue! :help:

 

[nickdalzell]

the actual message is '401 Keyboard not found, press F1 to continue'. the origin of this POST code is back during the old IBM PC days, and it's not as counterproductive as it sounds. in those days, if the keyboard came unplugged, this POST code would show up. believe it or not, you could actually reconnect the keyboard and press F1, as the code suggests, and continue. you did not have to power down first. that is why it says it like that.

While you can manage to get Windows-only games to run inside Wine, they play horribly even on good hardware. WINE lacks any support for anti-aliasing and DirectX so any games utilizing it run in very low resolution with lots of jagged-edges (jaggies) and framerates are horridly slow. it's not as much a problem for puzzle games, some platformers, and a sim like Rigs of Rods, but for fast-paced games like Call of Duty and First-Person-Shooters, and flight simulators, it's enough to use Windows if only to play those games until either it gets ported or until Wine gets updated.

I once had an IBM PS/1 PC (486SX/25MHz, 4MB RAM, 129MB HDD, Windows 3.1). the mouse came standard, of course, but if it was malfunctioning or not connected properly, you'd get an '1162 pointing device not found' POST code and it refused to boot. i was never sure why it 'required' the mouse. but it wouldn't work without one.

 

[saptech]

Maybe it does represent the same issue. But these where Windows error messages.

 

[mikedt]

Maybe it does represent the same issue. But these where Windows error messages.

"Keyboard not plugged"? That doesn't look right to me. "plugged" in this context is a transitive verb, meaning it has to be used with an object. "Keyboard not plugged in" is the correct grammar. It could also say "Keyboard is unplugged" where "unplugged" is an adjective.

TBH I didn't think Windows itself cared if a keyboard was present or not. It's the BIOS that does the keyboard detection.

 

[SiempreTuna]

I feel like I ought to have a heap of stories .. but for some reason, can't think of one

Always thought it was short term memory went first ..

 

[lunatic59]

I feel like I ought to have a heap of stories .. but for some reason, can't think of one

Always thought it was short term memory went first ..

No, they say the memory is the second thing to go .... I don't remember what the first thing is.

 

[lunatic59]

"Keyboard not plugged"? That doesn't look right to me. "plugged" in this context is a transitive verb, meaning it has to be used with an object. "Keyboard not plugged in" is the correct grammar. It could also say "Keyboard is unplugged" where "unplugged" is an adjective.

TBH I didn't think Windows itself cared if a keyboard was present or not. It's the BIOS that does the keyboard detection.

I wouldn't be surprised if there was some arcane 24 character limit for titles in message boxes in Win95.

 

[desktop]

 

[nickdalzell]

that keyboard error in Windows was Windows NT 4.0, not Windows 95. again, you could still plug it in without shutting the machine down, press F1 or F2 and go about your day. Windows NT 4.0 also had the 'press ctrl alt del to login' as well.

Computers might not enslave humanity if they ever become sentient. they might, however, flood our offices and homes with a deadly neurotoxin.