The (Official?) “I’m Married” Thread

[olbriar]

 

[treb1797]

 

[The_Chief]

Ah, married life...

My Darling Bride had asked me to pick up a nice, big pork roast that she could cook. No problem, I was going to the store anyway... and one of the things I picked up was a massive beef chuck roast for the crockpot. I prepared said roast this morning, covered up with potatoes and carrots, while she was asleep. I started it on low heat.

I'd made it a hasty trip, though, and went back to the store this morning to finish shopping while she was still asleep. As soon as I walked in the door she looked up from her coffee cup and started telling me I shouldn't have started cooking the roast so early because it will be an overdone mess by evening... and besides, why am I cooking her roast , that she requested, when she was planning to do it? I asked her if she'd actually seen the roast, as it was completely obscured by the vegetables.

No, she said, she just ASSUMED it was the pork roast she'd had me pick up for her. I told her that it wasn't her pork roast, but an enormous chuck roast that needed all day to cook. She just automatically thought I'd started cooking the pork roast when it was clear that she wanted to cook it. I told her there was no need to assume anything... I have a cell phone and she could just ASK me.

Then she had the audacity to bust on me, for busting on her, for busting on me over an assumption she made!!! I tell ya, some days I can't win for losing...

 

[olbriar]

Yes dear has served me well for the last five years. It only took 45 years to fully appreciate the futility of any other response.

 

[Bearsyzf]

From what I'm told, that's how Marriages are set up aren't they

 

[IHateMyTreo]

I tell ya, some days I can't win for losing...

Truer words have never been uttered...

 

[Unforgiven]

My first wife and I bough a can of wax beans every week to have with one of our weekly meals. One day I mentioned that I really didn't like wax beans. Turns out, she didn't either. We just both assumed the other liked and wanted them.

 

[The_Chief]

There's actually a psychological term for that. It's The Abilene Syndrome.

 

[The_Chief]

Yes dear has served me well for the last five years. It only took 45 years to fully appreciate the futility of any other response.

In my latest book "Romance and Chivalry in Modern Society" I talk about heading off arguments before they start by saying the Five Magic Words to a Long and Happy Marriage:

Sorry, Honey, I was WRONG​

 

[Bearsyzf]

I thought the 5 words were going to be .

Sorry, Honey, Let's get Divorced

Man I'm glad I'm not married and never will be.

 

[olbriar]

Marriage is a great thing if you are fortunate enough to find someone that will put up with you. At least that's the way it has worked out for me.

 

[IHateMyTreo]

Here's our dynamic.

She thinks I'm Sergeant Schultz but I know that I'm actually Hogan. And I know for sure she is Klink.

 

[Dannydet]

I'll just post this for shits and giggles...

 

[Bearsyzf]

I loved her on Star Trek, i thought she was Hot !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[BrickHouse]

Yes dear has served me well for the last five years. It only took 45 years to fully appreciate the futility of any other response.

I'll tell ya, the man that first said that ("YES DEAR") knew what he was talking about ........

 

[BrickHouse]

Marriage is a great thing if you are fortunate enough to find someone that will put up with you. At least that's the way it has worked out for me.

Yet, for some, it turns into an institution.

 

[Davdi]

" Marriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution" - Grouch Marx

 

[olbriar]

 

[The_Chief]

^- That's LOVE.

The Darling Bride once spontaneously asked me, "if I ask you for a star, would you pull it down for me?"
I replied, "no... I'll pull down all the stars and then you can choose."

 

[rootabaga]

^- That's LOVE.

The Darling Bride once spontaneously asked me, "if I ask you for a star, would you pull it down for me?"
I replied, "no... I'll pull down all the stars and then you can choose."

…as opposed to Ralph Kramden, who would send Alice to the moon so she could pick her star from there?

 

[rootabaga]

 

[The_Chief]

…as opposed to a Frank Kramden, who would send Alice to the moon so she could pick her star from there?

I didn't know Ralph's middle name was Frank...

 

[The_Chief]

Ah. marriage...

 

[rootabaga]

I didn't know Ralph's middle name was Frank...

{fixed}
Didn’t even catch that. Not sure what autocorrect did with that, it also threw in an “a.” Sheesh.

 

[olbriar]