Tell me a joke...

[rootabaga]

 

[Milo Williamson]

View attachment 170853

Who keeps toilet paper in the pantry?!?!! LOL.

 

[rootabaga]

Who keeps toilet paper in the pantry?!?!! LOL.

We probably would if there was room. Hard to find enough room for those monster bulk packages from Costco!

 

[Milo Williamson]

We probably would if there was room. Hard to find enough room for those monster bulk packages from Costco!

I usually keep my food in my pantry, was a bit confused.

 

[The_Chief]

Just think about it, @Milo Williamson - what do you use toilet paper for? Used food. So keeping toilet paper in the pantry makes sense, in a before & after sort of perspective...

 

[Milo Williamson]

Just think about it, @Milo Williamson - what do you use toilet paper for? Used food. So keeping toilet paper in the pantry makes sense, in a before & after sort of perspective...

Paradox!?!?! Did you...?

 

[Davdi]

A most ingenious paradox - Gilbert & Sullivan

 

[The_Chief]

 

[Unforgiven]

Spoiler: NSFW: Bewb Joke, audio

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1758322533382639787

 

[treb1797]

I often wonder why this thread is in the games section and not in the funny sections

 

[Unforgiven]

I often wonder why this thread is in the games section and not in the funny sections

Me too... ...I couldn't find it myself.

~moved~

 

[olbriar]

It has always been buried in the games area. Maybe in the beginning it was feared to be just a senseless knock knock magnet. There are some real gems in this thread. Glad it is seeing the light of day.

 

[Unforgiven]

It has always been buried in the games area. Maybe in the beginning it was feared to be just a senseless knock knock magnet. There are some real gems in this thread. Glad it is seeing the light of day.

I think it also predated the Funny / Meme sub, so its natural home at the time was FG. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[rootabaga]

A doctor specializing in geriatrics is conducting a mental evaluation on three elderly patients.
He asks the first one: “What is three times three?”
She answers, “156.”
The doctor makes a note and looks at the second patient and asks, “What is three times three?”
The guy answers, “Tuesday.”
The doctor makes a note and turns to the third patient, posing the same question: “What is three times three?”
The third patient answers, “nine.”

“That’s correct,” says the doctor. “How did you get that answer?”

“Easy,” says the guy, “It’s 156 minus Tuesday!”

 

[BrickHouse]

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?' When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny, who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty!' shouted Susie. The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class. A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?' But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt. 'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie. And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep. The Nun asked her a third question....'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?' Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time , I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted.

 

[BrickHouse]

Bob was trying to impress upon his co-workers about hunting bears when the topic of hunting came up in the office. The guys started thinking he was "full of it" and wanted to see pictures, skins or anything that would help them believe his stories. After many long months of hearing his tales they started asking to join him on his trips. He had excuses every time. Finally the guys hot together and asked the boss for Friday afternoon off so they could go hunting with Bob. Friday morning the topic of hunting is live and Bob starts in with yet another tale. When he finishes his story the guys tell him they all have the afternoon off so they can go hunting together. Bob knows he can't get out of this one so he goes along and tries to figure out how he's going to cover his tales heroism. When they get to the cabin and unpack the food Bob tells everyone he wants to take a walk. As he's walking along the path he starts picking up rocks and throwing them as he thinks of how explain his yarns of exploit. When one of the rocks he threw hot a bear cub he knew he was in trouble. Momma bear would be close. He looks around and sees her standing just 80 yards away and decides to run. As he gets close enough to jump up on the cabin porch he trips on something sticking up out of the ground with the bear just barely arms reach away. The bear trips on the same thing he did and flies through the air, breaks down the door and slides into the cabin on it's back unconscious. Bob jumps up, yells out "skin him quick fellas ... I'm goin' after another one."

 

[The_Chief]

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference, at this point, does it make why the chicken crossed the road?!

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

 

[Davdi]

WERNER HEISENBERG - The chicken has simultaneously both crossed the road and not crossed the road. We won't know which until we look.

 

[Milo Williamson]

Stephen Hawking: To alternative a universe of where parallel chickens cross both worlds and made a black hole, we are doomed!

 

[The_Chief]

Mitch McConnell: "The chicken crossed the road to get................................................................"

 

[BrickHouse]

Redneck: "Who cares WHY the chicken crossed the' road, mu' prayers r' answered and I'm eat'n white meat t' night.

 

[AugieTN]

You know you're a Redneck when your 12 year old daughter won't share her chewing tobacco with you.

 

[BrickHouse]

Me too... ...I couldn't find it myself.

~moved~

haven't bothered trying to find myself. ... I wonder where he's gone off to???

 

[rootabaga]

 

[The_Chief]

I went to our state capitol building and took the old elevator up to the 4th floor. As I got out, the operator said, "have a good day, son".

"Don't call me son", I said. "You're not my father!"

He said, "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"